Necessary Mutilation

All right, today’s the “big” doctor day and wimp me has asked my friend to accompany me for moral support.  We’ve even made lunch plans for after to either celebrate or so that once again I can drown my sorrows in food.  NOT the right answer!

Surprisingly, my blood pressure was only a tad high (128/88) when the kindly nurse practitioner took it, along with my oxygen level and WEIGHT.  Once again I’d gained “a few pounds” since last appointment - this time with mixed feelings both as I hoped if necessary it might bolster my case for bariatric surgery, and because I finally have hope for real weight loss in sight.

Interestingly, the nurse practitioner was totally unaware of the purpose of my visit (despite my clarity on the phone recently when I made the appointment), which made me that much more nervous when I had to explain all over again.  I even brought photo representation of my ups and downs and lifetime battles with weight, starting in infancy (really, you can see them too!) in case anyone doubted my attempts or history.  When I showed her (I think she humored me by looking), her primary comment was that I was a “cute baby” -  not exactly the response I expected.

Before she went to retrieve the doctor, I shared my apprehension that he might “yell at me” for my decision; she not only pooh-poohed this, but (I love this woman!) told me that he has referred others for bariatric surgery with great success!

When Dr. T. entered the treatment room in a booming manner, his first words (yelled!) were,  “What were you thinking?!” I nearly jumped out of my seat before he laughed and said the nurse practitioner had told him about my fear of his reaction.  He then reassured me that he was pleased with my decision and thought that, with my age and the fact that I’m still in relatively good shape “despite myself” (ha ha!), I’d do fine.  He added that he knew I’d struggled for a long time (at which point I once again whipped out my photos); he was compassionate and warm in his overall understanding and acceptance of my decision.  He agreed to complete all necessary paperwork to prove medical necessity, etc., on my behalf, and I was heartened by his respect for my feelings when he whispered to his support staff my intention and the requirements associated with it, to ensure their cooperation.

When I asked him why he had not suggested bariatric surgery to me in the past, he mirrored what the nurse practitioner had also just told me - that it is not his place to recommend radical and potentially dangerous surgery, but rather healthy lifestyle changes instead.  I guess I get this.

Lastly, the assistant accompanying him also seemed heartened by my choice; whereas she is usually mostly silent as she does the doctor’s bidding, she now took the time to tell me about a patient and a friend of hers who had successful bariatric surgery and has lost 80 of her 100 excess pounds so far and “looks and feels great.”  Yes — there is a God!

After the appointment, I couldn’t wait to tell my friend Debbie how it went.  We “celebrated” with a nice lunch.  Strange irony, I found myself talking about fears associated with my husband’s reactions and feelings, and worries about early signs that our marriage may become sorely stressed by significant changes I make.  I have rather obsessively been watching episodes of “Ruby” on the Style Network, as well as “Big Medicine” and all of the “half-ton” people specials on Discovery Health Network.  In some episodes I’ve paid special attention to spouses’ reactions to their wives’ or husbands’ decisions and changes, including one episode in which a divorce nearly occurred (and, without psychological intervention, probably would have).  The doctor in “Big Medicine” was noted to say that people shouldn’t underestimate the dramatic effect on family, too, and the possible concerns that may arise from this.  I wonder if I should plan to discuss or make a plan for addressing this issue when I meet with the psychologist next week.  A very scary concept but, as with everything, perhaps awareness, prevention, and communication will be the best solution.