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Suddenly life has sped up to warp speed. At about 4:00 p.m. yesterday, “D” from the Center called to say that the only thing holding me back from getting surgery scheduled was the outstanding debt owed on my 3/19 consult. I explained that although we got a statement recently and that the allowed amount we owed was $225.00, it was clear that “this is not a bill”. Without really acknowledging my need to explain that we weren’t being slackers, she asked that nonetheless we pay ASAP so she could get on with the task of scheduling the surgery. Needless to say; I whipped out my visa and paid on the phone, and questioned how 4/24 moved up to NOW! With no fanfare she explained that things were moving quickly (if I hadn’t called our insurance Friday, I wouldn’t even know yet that I had been approved)!
In any event, while I waited breathlessly on the other end, she flipped pages to apparently consult a calendar of surgery options - then said April 28th. April 28th?! I had never considered the possibility of surgery so soon! My immediate reaction was “No!” - and when I did gasp and ask if there was anything a little past this date instead, she responded that Dr. C. had to (something like) testify at some hearing the next day for work blah blah and the next soonest scheduled date would be mid May.
As I had been caught at home while doing agency paperwork and had my appointment book from my job with me, my heart immediately sunk at being given such a difficult choice - if I chose 4/28, I would miss the last three days of my student’s placement and not get to send her off “wrapped in a bow”. On the other hand, waiting weeks past this knowing I could have gone sooner would likely be insufferable to me.
She agreed to give me a little time to think/consult with my bosses, etc. and call her in the morning.
I think I was on the phone non-stop from this time (4:15) to bed-time, reaching both bosses, my student, many friends and my brother and cousins with the news.
I yearned for someone to tell me what to do and although no one would go this far, the general consensus was to choose what was best for me — NOT my job, student, or otherwise.
And, I guess, this is what I did — so April 28th it is!
Shit — I’ve got a lot to do!
I’ve made a commitment to a better mood and outlook today and find myself rebounding somewhat from the last few days of depression and doubt. What really helped was a telephone call to our new insurance company and to a kind staff who sympathized with our out of pocket expenses, but also reassured me that the maximum amount we would owe for the surgery itself would be (our deductible) two hundred and something dollars. She also explained that all follow-up visits for typically 90 days post surgery are included in this cost - meaning that doctor appointments to remove stitches; check progress, etc. wont break us further! Lastly, I took a gander and asked her if she had word about my approval yet (which the Center said I’d likely hear about on or near April 10th) — and yes, they had approved me today!
It’s amazing how relieved and happy I feel and how this all but erases the last few days of despondency and worry. Just in time for the weekend!
As if I haven’t felt anxious and depressed enough lately, Tom called me at work to tell me that we received a bill for my 3/19 surgical consult. Now that our insurance has changed and we owe 100% of office visits, this 10 minute appointment now costs us $225.00. Although I try to reassure myself that I’ll recoup this in a week by eating less, I must admit that the thought of so many out-of-pocket expenses (especially now that I have another consult next week, etc.) is adding to my fragile mental state. I find myself angry, preoccupied and grousing to co-workers at my job -not exactly the attributes one would want in a compassionate psychotherapist.
And, what’s with the lady at the Center who I left a message for on Monday who never called me back?! I think the way that this, combined with other staff attitudes, worries me that I may not be in good hands, adds insidiously to my sense of distrust and anxiety, and fuels uncertainties about this whole thing. As if the surgery itself wasn’t enough!
Well, I think the kinks have been worked out of our insurance. Although in fact we do now have a new, stupider plan and we will be compelled to pay 100% of all medical appointments (of the “allowed amount”), including pre-operative consults, at least appointments up to 90 days following surgery that relate to the gastric bariatric will be covered (as part of the surgical process itself), and most of the surgery and hospitalization will be too.
Still, co-pays of 100% in several instances will still likely equal many, many more hundreds than had been anticipated before.
GM took over Delphi’s health plan and turned it cruddy — but I guess I still really can’t complain when I compare it to some people’s costs.
I haven’t written here in some time as I’ve been quite depressed lately and my juices have stopped flowing. The best news this week was that Tom found his wedding ring - blaming the fact that it was under his writing desk on “the cats!”
The “bad” news stared with the overall let-down feeling I’ve had since meeting with the psychologist, and has continued into the week relating to a sudden insurance change and (over-)exposure to graphic details about bariatric surgery and its aftermath. Suddenly I feel as if reality has slapped me in the face - I’m anxious and sad and worried and mad. Upset and sad at what a unilateral and self-serving experience the psychologist visit turned out to be; worried and anxious about our finances with the 2/1 changeover from BC/BS of WNY to BC/BS of Michigan through Tom’s retiree plan at Delphi (soon to be switched to GM). When the 14-page notice came in the mail a few days ago announcing such significant changes in coverage, I nearly puked with anxiety at its bad timing. I immediately called the Bariatric Center and engaged in a conversation that probably made little sense to either of us as I was still struggling to absorb the meaning of new terms like “co-insurance,” “deductible,” and “allowed amount.” What I was told is that BC/BS of Michigan, up to just recently, had had a requirement that candidates must undergo six months of medically supervised diet prior to authorization for surgery. Not that I’m against the concept but thankfully this requirement was recently dropped and hopefully plans can continue as I had originally anticipated - although more expensively now that we must pay for “100% of routine office appointments” and other larger co-pays.
I wonder if visits associated with this surgery are “routine.” To me there’s nothing “routine” about stomach amputation!
In other anxiety-provoking and depressing news, I made the mistake of 1) doing more research on-line, and 2) reading the book my friend Nancy delightedly lent me (Life After Bariatric Surgery), which she’d discovered on a recent library visit. Gak!
Suddenly, fear and uncertainty have overtaken the honeymoon calm of having made my decision. I feel overwhelmed at the “big picture” from pain to recovery to commitments of lifelong diet, exercise, and vigilance as described by those who know. For now, I am subscribing to the “TMI” theory - something my friend often refers to her young nephews saying when they hear something yucky or private. “Too much info! Aunt Debbie, please stop!”
I believe that if I am to stay sane and reasonably centered I will likely need to minimize my exposure to all but the earliest steps - which right now feel overwhelming enough. Even just waiting for the call to meet with the surgeon and begin preliminary medical testing is exhausting and difficult enough, and basically I’m not doing anything yet. In fact, in my second telephone call to the Center I asked if I should be dieting or exercising or something while I’m waiting, and was told that it was OK to just hang tight until given instructions by the surgeon. I ‘fessed up that I’m probably eating even more now as I wait, out of both anxiety and some feeling that each meal may be my last. The lady at the Center laughed and said, “that’s normal, everybody does that.” God bless her 100 times over! At least now I can eliminate guilt from my list of angst-ridden and tortured emotions!
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April 7th, 2009 | 
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