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Weight: 241.5 lbs.
Today I don’t even care what I weigh, as I have bigger fish to fry (mmm…fish fry! Yum!).
I am sad and upset with myself after a long talk with my supervisor at work, and I am appreciating in a new and exciting way just how f***ed up I am to have (over-) reacted to recent issues there — and the position that this has left others and myself in as a result. I amaze even myself how passionately I may react to certain things without regard to rules or boundaries at times, and how these tend to be thematic to issues of territoriality, trust, and feelings of responsibility. I learned that I am not good at trusting or believing in others to step up to the plate on issues of importance, and that anxiety and stress especially trigger me into a “fight” pattern in which I assume I must attempt to protect or solve, as I don’t believe than anyone else can or will.
Continue reading “Is There a Psychiatrist in the House?!”
Weight: 268.5 lbs.
I just got home from a long and confusing staff meeting in which many changes our Health Care Center is undergoing were discussed. It has been a long and wearisome day, made harder by my friend and colleague Nancy’s announcement that she had to put her young cat to sleep today. Apparently he went into sudden kidney failure and became acutely symptomatic and couldn’t be saved.
Now I am weary in body and spirit. I haven’t mustered the energy or wherewithall to exercise or even walk in days now, and must try to do better by this soon. Honestly, I don’t know how some people manage to juggle families, careers, and themselves … I can barely manage just me!
I also don’t think that I drank or ate enough today — and will have to try to do both after I post this. All I ate was some leftover oatmeal for breakfast, two cheese sticks spaced throughout the long work day, a banana, and a few raspberries. Hardly any protein even. Bad me! At least I took my vitamins.
Not much else to say today, so I guess I’ll give us all a break and make this a brief one. Sorry, no real “juiciness” today!
Weight: 268.5 lbs.
OK, I admit it. I’ve reached a new low in more ways than one.
Today I was off from work, and spent much of my day trolling support groups (see My Favorite Links on this site) for help about my gastronomical concerns of late. Read the title and you’ll get the picture. Interestingly, someone answered me that grape Kool-Aid can cause this! Who’da thunk?! And don’t you know that as I wrote and read this, I had a glass of diet grape Kool-Aid by my side. How freaky!
Continue reading “Green Poop and Other Unsightly Matters”
Weight: 271.5 lbs.
OK, so I’ve lost a half a pound since yesterday, but I think I’ve transfered my food addiction to garage sales! Tom and I ran out early today and found numerous bargains (i.e., stuff we didn’t really need and wouldn’t have thought to buy except that they were so cheap we coudn’t resist). Now, when we realize later this year that we can’t really use any of it, we can sell it for half as much at our own garage sale in the fall. Yippee — ain’t “bargains” fun? The good news is that many of the sales were part of block extravaganzas and required a lot of walking from house to house, often loaded down with crap from the houses along the way. I think this constitutes my exercise requirements for the day, don’t you?! Plus, we found eight-pound hand weights (two for a dollar!) and then an exercise ball kit with recipes and everything included (brand new, which it will also probably still be when I sell it at our garage sale!) for only $5. Whoopee!
Continue reading “Garage Sale Gluttony”
Weight: 272 lbs.
Well, I managed to lose the 1.5 pounds that I had gained plus a half pound more! However, I just returned from quite a dinner out and now have probably regained it all!
It seems that I had my first stressful, long, difficult day back to work today, and came home late and famished. Tom and I decided on Old Country Buffet, and I thought this might be as inexpensive and decent a dinner choice as any – minus the opportunity for leftovers which I don’t want anyway since I am still working on some from several meals back.
Continue reading “Hello … Is There Anybody In There?!”
Weight: 274 lbs.
Well, I nearly had to eat my shorts when I weighed myself this morning and continue to be 1.5 pounds higher than a few days ago. What gives?! Since I haven’t really eaten my shorts, I’m not sure why I’ve gained and/or haven’t lost nearly anything this week. This is a common question in the support groups I frequent and, like others, I am easily frustrated and confused about such things. But I’d like to think that I have learned enough from others by now to try and take this somewhat in stride and not get too worked up over it. I may ultimately need to (re)evaluate calorie or carb content or other aspects of my diet or exercise (or more likely, lack thereof!). I’m sure that exercise factors in quite a bit, but I just haven’t been able to motivate myself for much more than an occasional walk just yet. Perhaps I will push myself to begin a better regime starting this weekend. I just don’t see it happening in my first week back to work.
Continue reading “Eight Ounces Away From Eating My Shorts”
Weight: 274 lbs.
What an interesting concept returning to work is. Not only did I wake up swollen and discovered that I had gained another pound of weight back, but I dreamt all night that my office building was different and larger and cavernous, and that when I returned I repeatedly got lost and couldn’t find either co-workers or my office. And when I tried to find some work to do, I didn’t know where to get my mail or find any of the necessary information to conduct business. So instead, I sat idly in a classroom with strangers, feeling self-conscious and uncertain how to proceed. I knew that my mail and phone messages must have piled up in my absence, but had no idea where or how to find them or what to do with myself.
Continue reading “Night Sweats and Daytime Sweets”
Weight: 273 lbs.
I am so full of anxiety today that my skin is crawling. I’ve had trouble lately getting up at a decent hour, as I have developed the bad habit of staying up until midnight or worse, making me too weary to get out of bed before 8:00 AM. This would be fine if I had won the lottery and didn’t have to return to work tomorrow! This will likely be a hard habit to break, as I have become spoiled by my six weeks off. I’ve also become engrossed in the process of developing this blog and now hate to turn more of this over to my brother in my place.
Continue reading “Onward, Ho!”
Weight: 274 lbs.
I spent some time editing and rereading some old posts today, and realized that I rarely write about exercise or drinking — two key elements to success with gastric bypass.
Continue reading “Tasty But Toxic Indulgence”
Weight: 275.5 lbs.
Well, now I’m holding steady at plus half a pound more than I was two days ago. Sigh.
Today I had my nearly six-week follow-up with the surgeon’s assistant (”M”), and was glad for the chance to cover a lot of territory. First off, I needed to ask about my still intermittently bleeding neck wound from where the groshong had been inserted. Last night before bed it looked like a swollen blood blister — all black and bulging. I knew it was gonna burst during the night, so I slept with it bandaged and, sure enough, the bandage was covered in blood in the morning. This debunks Dr. “P’s” theory that the bleeding is due to my scratching it open in my sleep.
Continue reading “The Wrong-Sized Holes Inside and Out”
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September 4th, 2009 | 
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