|
|
Weight: 203.7 lbs.
I am sooo happy that I lost some more, not just because I am now down the 101 lbs. that makes this go around the highest loss in my life, but more importantly, for the psychological boost and confidence that it affords me at this fragile time. I am learning the concepts of cause and effect…a little late, I might add. But, this is something I neglected to appreciate my first time around the bariatric track, so I am making up for some lost time and desperately needing to see this work in a predictable manner. Last night, I got on obesityhelp and read some old posts to catch myself up. (I often lurk, but rarely write). I saw a post about a “calculator” in which you type in your pre-surgery weight, height and percentage of excess weight you hope to lose, and it graphs out, month by month, your exact weight, weight loss, and final weight after 18 months. Many wrote that they were heartened by this, as they were able to type in things like 90%, 95% and even 100%, and they discovered that they were losing right on track for such results. Well, not surprisingly, but dishearteningly none the less, I can only put in like 65%, or the graph shows that I am sorely off track. In fact, to be closer to 90 or 95% even, I believe that I’d have had to have already lost into the 160’s by now. I forget the exact figures, but clearly I am well behind others as I have always suspected, although I am supposedly the exact average at 65%. Small solace, however.
But, I am hoping that I may possibly pick up some speed now, and maybe even tweak myself up to 70% or more before my months “run out.” Perhaps I will be a late bloomer in this, as I have been every other way in my life. And, I must remind myself that there is really no time equation for what is supposed to be a lifelong journey and not a race. Sounds comforting to me…!
As to my diiet and my dinner out yesterday, here’s the scoop. First off, I must say that two friends and Tom and I had a lovely day driving to Lake Erie and taking in the sights. It was a sparkling clear day and “warm” at about 40 degrees, and the perfect day to meander and enjoy. We arrived at 2:00 to see the cottage on the lake that we were thinking of renting, and I was heartened when the female owner immediately said that she recognized me, and didn’t I work for “UCPA?” Turns out that she was a nurse in the very clinic that I still work in, and we have much in common. Quite cool! Although how she managed to retire into a beautiful lake front home with a rental next door, and I am living in a ranch in Tonawanda, is a disconcerting reality!
However, knowing her helped pave the way, along with the beauty of the site and cottage itself, for our decision to put in a deposit. I am very psyched, and cannot wait for the peace of the surroundings to overtake me come July! What is most relevent here, is the stairs. Oh, the many, many stairs at a steep incline, leading down the embankment to the beach and lake. The stairs that I never could have taken just last year, and that would have been a deal breaker. The stairs that I now actually look forward to walking every day in lieu of access to our basement’s equipment. Although I didn’t have proper winter shoes to walk them yesterday as Tom and Janet did, I can already appreciate how dragging rafts and the likes up and down them will be quite the workout. And don’t care! Everyone agreed that the old me could never have made it, and rather than feeling insulted, I am pleased at the implications that this is no longer so. And that there is a whole world of opportunity for me that just a year ago, the doors were closed on. And I can get back to my “roots” in which nature and outdoors opportunities and not just things like the casino, are included. This brings tears to my eyes!
So, full of joy from this awareness, I made every attempt to choose carefully from the huge menu at “Aunt Millies” diner, where we chose to eat on the trek home. This is a well known restaurant with wonderful homeade breads and desserts, in particular, and very fairly priced and huge portioned meals. And one of my favorite places for all of the above reasons.
But, I only focused on healthy choices, or so I thought, and narrowed it down to the chicken souvlaki, or the chicken stir fry. I chose the later, not thinking there would be rice involved, or what the sauce might consist of. And was upset to see lots of white rice, and notice a sweet and liberally portioned amount of non descript sauce covering everything. I ate a small amount of the tasty meal, and boxed up the rest, but with guilt and heavy heart. When I asked the waitress what the sauce consists of, she said teriyaki sauce, which really means nothing to non-cooking me. But, I did look it up on-line last night, and think that I was relieved to see that it isn’t as bad sugar, carb or calorie wise as I feared, or as it tastes that it might be. So, I didn’t blow it as I feared I may have, and I think that I can safely enjoy the leftovers, in moderation, of course. And, the fact that I lost some more, tells me that it couldn’t have been too bad…right?
Otherwise, all I ate yesterday was a protein shake for breakfast, two cheese sticks, and a diet yogurt. So, no matter what, this is less than usual, and still better choices. I do wonder about the low fat yogurt though, and how eating this can be ok. It has several grams of sugar and carbs, despite its low calorie count (120 for 8 oz.) and low fat status. How come the sugar content doesn’t ruin everything for the pouch test??
Well…I am off to continue trying to stay on track today, and for now, will take it a day and perhaps an hour at a time. And keep reminding myself of the true goal and purpose here, the joy of rediscovering old opportunities, and of the best that’s yet to come!!
Weight: 204.3 lbs.
OK - I know that there really isn’t a day six of the pouch test. But, it went so well and I lost so much more than I could have imagined, that I am thinking of stretching it out. To last a lifetime! The concept is that this is the (re)beginning of my journey, and I must adopt the mentality that just because I technically finished the 5 day test, this doesn’t mean that I am “done.”
So…I am off for challenges such as a dinner on the road today, and do plan to choose carefully. I am shocked at how full I can now feel much more quickly than before, and am actually puzzled by this concept. Did my pouch shrink back down? Is it an illusion or like the placebo effect? Or am I just much more mindful of the signals it is sending, now that I have resensitized myself to this?
Yesterday for instance, I made 3 scrambled eggs for breakfast, with some cheese in them. I could literally only eat less than half of it all before I felt that I might puke. I put the rest in a small container, and ate them at my desk at work. Along with a cheese stick and a low fat yogurt, as the day progressed. For dinner, I had looked forward to the chicken liver I had bought earlier this week to celebrate my fifth day with. I made them up with some onions, and could only eat a little before I was stuffed. Later, I did eat some more, but actually must have overdid it, because I was still so full by bed time that I felt uncomfortable and sick. I am still struggling some with the concept and feeling of full, and clearly exceeded it with my second round of liver, but am still amazed at how quickly this now occurs and how much stronger the signals are. Where have I been all my post bariatric life??
So, I truly can’t say enough for the pouch test and the new hope that it has infused me with. The fact that I have lost as much as I have is very heartening to me as well, and in case anyone else has not noticed, I will also spell it out. Today I reached my 100th pound!!!! A week ago, I had practically given up all hope that I would get here at all. My next goal is 101, as this will represent the largest weight loss in my adult life. Then, to under 200. Then, to under Tom’s current weight of 198.
Fortunately, none of these numbers are far off, and there is actually hope now that I am on a roll again, that I will reach them some time this millenium! It is so interesting to see that I CAN indeed lose, and that clearly a carb and portion restricted diet is the key. I was obviously off track in both ways before, and THIS no doubt, largely led to my slow progress. This is the first time that I now feel that I have the means to control this process and the outcome, as before it seemed to be beyond me in many ways, and my stalls and hovers felt inexplicable at times. It is so good to see that in fact my pouch ain’t broken, and neither am I!
So, with only some mild trepidation, I am off to live out day 6 and beyond, and see how I fare under less restrictive circumstances except those that I continue to impose on myself now that I know I can and still be satisfied. Woo Hoo to that!!
Weight: 209.3 lbs.
We had such a fun time with our friends yesterday that I feel as if I have managed to clean my palate of the bad taste from work, and am less stressed and grumpy today as a result. However, fun comes with a price, and this included what we lost at both Bingo and slots, and that although I haven’t yet registered a weight gain from eating out at Old Country Buffet, their food is still floating around in me somewhere. (I am actually quite surprised that I lost, instead!)Although I didn’t stray too horribly, it was still more food than usual, and my relatively healthy meal of fish and steak, was followed up with some ice cream, and a little cappuchino. Both are are huge weakness of mine, and I couldn’t resist the temptation of trying some cappuchino from their newly installed machine that dispenses various flavors. I may as well have sucked on a sugar cube!
And, in addition to this, I was the first to tear in to Rick’s bag o’ popcorn at Slots, eating it as if I hadn’t just had dinner an hour earlier. Bingo gives me the munchies I guess - you know, all the anticipation and excitement and frenzy that it can be. Not that any of my cards were ever even remotely close to winning!
In good news for our friends though, Barb did win, although she had to split her $75 jackpot with another winner. We were all excited and happy for her, and this must have truly been beginners luck as they haven’t been to bingo in years, and never before to Canadian bingo.
In other news, we are talking about going to the clothing swap and open house that our bariatric center is having in two weekends from now. It would be fun to go together with them, and they are open to the public so Barb and Rick would be welcome to participate. I look forward to the opportunity to possibly trade some grandma clothes for those more in keeping with my new size and style, and just seeing whatever else the center has to offer as they are supposedly under new management now. I am wondering if they have replaced any of the staff I have had troubles with , and am secretly hoping so. The posting said that they did have new people on board, and I am eager to see what they are like.
Well, soon our other friends are due over for brunch. The menu will consist of bacon, eggs with all the fixin’s, sausages, bagels that Debbie is bringing, various spreads, and danish we must bake first. I plan to steer clear of at least the latter, and hopefully, the bagels too. I remain hopeful that tomorrow’s pouch test beginnings will be just what the doctor ordered, and it will set me back on track. I will have to see that I have everything I need to be successful, so later today, I will look into all this more and shop if I must.
So, today is the last day of “normal” eating for a bit, and hopefully my awareness of this won’t get me eating more as I did before surgery when I felt the immenence of surgery and the end of eating as I then knew it. This was a terrible design flaw, and since I was not amongst the many who were expected to diet and lose beforehand, I went hog wild right up until the day they cut me open. I went into this with all the wrong ideas and attitudes, and would like to say that I have learned something about both myself and the dangers of this mentality, by now. Except, I’m not really convinced that I have.
So…both the rest of today and this week should be especially interesting, and even I look forward to seeing where this all takes me. Unfortunately, fast forwarding is not allowed, and I guess I have no choice but to take it all day by day and minute by minute, and do my best to follow all the “rules” as I think I know them.
…and we all know how good I am at that! NOT!
Weight: 210 lbs.
I so bad.
I ate too much and poorly at the casino yesterday. I arrived there shaky and starving, after having stupidly deprived myself of much for lunch in anticipation of a buffet feast. I simply had a little pea soup for lunch at home, which left me in sad shape for dinner. I shook my way through the first several food items, including shrimp, two hushpuppies (!), some pepper steak, and some chili. I followed this up with 2 small pieces of sugar free cake, and some ice cream that I’m sure was not dietetic. I’ll probably get shaky again later at this rate, and don’t need anyone else to tell me about my poor choices. And why does this always have to be on a Monday, just before my week’s weight tally?! Unbfortunately, as can be seen by my gain, this now negates what may have registered as a decent loss for the week. Fortunately, we won’t be lured to the casino next Monday, as our freebies have trickled off to near nothing. Today we won only $41 combined with the points they gave us, so even at the higher level of February, it has hardly been worth it.
So, I didn’t dodge the eating out bullet, but we didn’t fare too horribly on our taxes, We are getting a little back from the State, but owe nearly the equivalent amount on Federal. Between this and the $95 we paid to have them filed, we basically have come out nearly even. A juicy return would have been nice, but we usually aren’t so “lucky” this way.
In final and fun news, I had received a coupon for $20 off any clothing purchase of $20 or more at Catherine’s plus sizes, and had just this week to redeem it. So I dragged Tom with me after the casino, and was thrilled to find three shirts that qualified, and was told that I could buy all three and redeem the coupon on the total. Since they were all on clearance, the total for all was only $24, thereby costing me exactly $4.17 for 3 nice, new shirts listed at like $25 each full price!. I was also pleased that at sizes 18/20, they are a little too big, but prettily so, and entirely fashionable. One is lacey and black and short sleeved, and the others are similar design and 3/4 sleeved, only one is purple and one is teal. I am quite happy to have new clothes for a change, and so inexpensively at that. I have hesitated to buy anything new for obvious reasons, so this is like a treat! I’ll leave my basement “shopping” for another day! (God, I am so penny wise and pound foolish, I disgust even myself!)
Well, I am off to a long day at work today, and likely won’t be home til after 7:00. I need to pack some healthy sustenence items like cheese sticks so I don’t die from starvation and exhaustion, and find ways and time to nibble between clients and what not. Wish me luck…!
Weight: 209.6 lbs.
Tom and I may be so screwed today, and I am anxious as we await our morning appointment with the accountant to have our taxes done. For the first few years of our marriage, we ended up owing thousnads, and although we have managed to do better since then, I am still scared. If you don’t hear from me again, its because I may have needed to sell this laptop to finance our tax bill!
And, what better way to lose weight than to be too broke for groceries!? Seriously though, I am worried and will be happy when this is behind us. Tonight we are also heading to the casino to cash in on our freebies, and although we can’t lose if we play by the rules, I am always anxious as to just how much we may mange to sneak out of them.
At the dinner at our metal detecting club yesterday, I did win several auction calls, and in addition to the stuff I really like and will keep (like a rice/veggie steamer), I won some crap I will probably add to our spring garage sale. I am beginning to strategize the perfect date for this, and am inclined for the first weekend in May, as there are now events the next two weekends, and I really want this all behind me asap. And, I hate having them in the heat of summer when it becomes nearly unbearable to shlep the stuff around and bake with it in the driveway. Although this year I may not have as much trouble with the heat as I have in past, I expect.
Also at the dinner, I did take a few small liberties, although I wasn’t too bad. Mostly a little too much roast beef, a tiny dab of mashed potatoes, and a few bites of cookie. It could have been worse…much worse, as everything under the sun was there for the taking.
Well, there is little else to say today so I’m not even gonna fake it this time. And we can all get on with our day…!
Weight: 209.8 lbs.
I know why I went up in weight and I jokingly blame it all on Barb F., my friend and fequent commenter on this site. She and her husband showed up to watch Universal Minds with us at Wegman’s last night, and although I had purposely eaten dinner beforehand so as not to be tempted by food there, we ended up going out afterwards instead to what amounted to a very late and delish dinner at the Flying Turtles restaurant. Pete, my old friend who similarily came to watch the show, also joined in the ad hoc fray. Of course, I could have oprdered everything from nothing to perhaps a small salad or something. But, noooo. I got tempted by a chicken stir fry dish, and ate way too much of it before calling it a night. A quite late night!
And I had been “good” all day. Oh well - the company and evening turned out to be fun and inspirational, as always. Although only a few of my co-workers ended up making it to the performance, several friends did, as did the director of our agency and many other long time staff, AND, the news media who interviewed and filmed the “stars.” We dvr’d the late news, but haven’t yet watched to see if the clip of all this was on. Hey, maybe we’re even in the audience shot!
In unrelated news, I’ve been thinking alot about where this blog fits into the scheme of all things bariatric, and have decided upon what it is, and what it isn’t. I welcome feedback to the contrary, or otherwise!
I have been feeling somewhat humbled by the many who seem to get it all and do it all “right” and carve new and great lifestyles for themselves when given this opportunity from surgery. There seem to be those that adhere to rules they learn to understand, appreciate and embrace right off, and who develop healthy and balanced patterns of eating and living, as a result. There are blogs about this, and the peace that some have made with food, permeates what is written in them. The emphasis is often on will, grit, triumph, regimentation. These writers often quote data, share information and facts gleaned from statistics, news, medical journals and the like. Sometimes, hard core diet recipes are shared, as is exercise tips and strategic methods for staying on track. I love these writers and am inspired by such important and helpful information, yet can’t fully relate. I am not a very fact based or cognitive person by inate nature anyway, so in any realm, I tend to drool in the face of too strict of a informational orientation. I relate best to feelings, undertones, innuendo, poignant life stories, drama, example. Facts and data tend to bore and lose me, and recipes and the like make me seek another site to peruse. I was this way before surgery, and I’m no different now, despite that I may NEED and SHOULD develop a greater repetoire of skills, knowledge and ideas for staying on track. Or, getting on track!
My nature, and therefore my blog, emphasizes the emotional journey, issues of human fraility, the balance of ying and yang, imperfection and strivings to do better. While always keeping an eye on the “beasts” within that are not only real, but that make their presence known in many ways that can serve to sabotage and overwhelm. I write like I work - as a social working, anaylzing, imperfect human. Who tries to be mindful of not just my, but others fragilities and lifestyle factors that influence choices and outcomes. Sometimes I feel like the Suzi Ormen of bariatrics - you know, someone who notes and tends to the whole person, while also focusing on the bariatric or dietary issues. The only difference is that she actually dispenses wise and factual information at the end - LOL!
So, in acknowleding what this is and is not, I appreciate that some may find what I write lacking in data, exasperatingly devoid of “facts” and successful outcomes, or worse yet, psychological drivel. Or, that I often seem endlessly preoccupied with the inner workings and difficulties of life and diet, and never quite seem to get either “it” or to the punchline.
I do hope however, that there are those that can relate to and perhaps find comfort in my honesty and analysis of my human condition, and who may, by virtue of struggling themselves, feel a kindred spirit in the acknowledgement of some of the dark and emotional sides of this journey. And find the daily anaysis of this different or refreshing. I know that these are the blogs that I gravitate to and that keep MY interest, and that validate and support me in ways I recognize and understand. And that I learn and grow and heal, in the presence of.
Now if this doesn’t all make me sound like a psychotherapist and INFJ (look it up under Myers Briggs on the internet) on the profile scale of archetypes, I don’t know what does! Do you know YOUR type??
Weight: It’s late…I can’t bear to see!
I’m baaaackkk! Did ya miss me?
We may have returned, but unfortunately our money didn’t come with us. It seems to have become a casualty of the casino lifestyle! My diet left me too, as it was harder than I had even imagined or prepared for to resist all temptation. You will get a glimpse of what I mean in a minute!
But, the good news is that the R & R and relief that this mini trip away AND the start of my period has afforded me, seems to have restored my sanity. Somewhat. As much as one could refer to ME as sane, that is.
And the work week hasn’t started yet to take it away again.
But, for the moment I do feel much better, and as Barb wrote in a recent comment, it does now appear, in hindsight, that at least some of my strong reaction to actual events, was fueled by hormones. You would think that as a woman who has managed to make it well into my forties, that I would see this coming and get this by now. But, nooo, it’s like every month I have to be surprised all over again that I end up in such a crazy emotional state, and can’t even understand why until I am hemorraging physically and emotionally, and then I look back and say: “oh, that explains everything!” Every month. Geeesh!
(Sorry to any men who may frequent this site!)
In other, much sadder news, Tom and I were talking about how every time we go away, two things happen just as we are heading out. The first I just told you. The second is that someone we know or know of, dies. Just before Atlantic City, Tom’s childhood friend Jerry died, and as our trip was already all booked and we were traveling with others, this precluded his ability to attend the wake.
Last year, a woman Tom ministered to for years in his role as a eucharistic minister, passed away as we were nearly out the door. That trip we cancelled, as Tom was asked to pall bear by her husband.
Saturday morning, we learned that Tom’s Compeer friend “B”, lost his father in a deadly house fire that was being played as headline news that morning. Apparently he was bed ridden, and B’s sister and brother-in-law were unable to get him out in time and he perished in the fire. This is especially devastating to B as he and his father had been extremely close, yet this same sister had recently interfered with B’s ability to maintain contact with him, and when I first met B he cried sad and bitter tears about their estrangemnt and his fears that his dad was not being well cared for and that his father missed him as much as he did his dad. This rift had exacerbated B’s emotional difficulties, and he had been pining and I was trying to help him strategize ways to work it out legally or otherwise to be able to see his dad again. And now, none of this will be. We can only imagine the pain and guilt that he must feel, and were very upset to leave town just after such tragic news. I hope that there is some small thing that we can do for B now that we have returned….
Well, I hate to shift from such sad news to that of a new beginning, but I guess that this is the circle of life. Rogie, Tom’s nephew did marry Sonya and put on a beautiful reception at a fire hall in Jamestown. We ended up sitting right next to the “take all you want” display of mountains of candy of every kind, as if I wasn’t whipped into enough of a frenzy by all of the other offerings already. So here we sat watching people by the dozens scoop handfuls and baggies of candy up from the many gorgeous bowls “o chocolate etc. We did end up taking a little, and I gave my baggie to my friend Dorothy whom we met for breakfast the next morning and whose birthday it was. Tom ate some and kept some, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to tasting a few assorted pieces, and devouring a Lindor (my fave) in its entirity. Plus, I tried nearly all the reception offerings, including 3 different meat dishes, stuff from the mountain ‘o cheese and fruit, and then later, bites of assorted pastires and dessert items. Basically, I cheated like hell, now that I think about it!
Here are some pics so you can appreciate the temptation involved. And all this while still PMSing! I defy you to have stayed “good” in my same shoes!
Now, here’s a pic of me in the outfit I finally found that I hadn’t outgrown entirely. It’s a little big, but was comfortable and suitable, I think. If I keep eating like I did this weekend, it will end up not being big anymore!
Now, here’s a shot of the groom and his uncle, my Tom. Before the night was out, Rogie who was coveting Tom’s buffalo tie, had claimed it as his own, and he ended up wearing it like a bandana, and Tom came home tieless.
Here’s bride and groom together, Roger and Sonya hitched at last!
And, in case you weren’t already convinced of how great my challenges were, even before we reached the land ‘o buffets and additional temptations, here’s a picture of their beautiful cake!
Needless to say, I haven’t weighed in since our return, and I might save this trauma until tomorrow. If I drink lots of water and skip the next few meals, I may have hope to not have done too much permanent damage. Right now, I imagine that the fact that we ate every meal out at either the buffet or the diner, that even with better choices, I still overdid it. I guess some times will just be like this, and this is the price to pay for moments of “normalcy” and abandon. If not this minute, tomorrow I will go straight, and this means in all my ways of excess. Gambling ain’t cheap, and we need to crack down again this way as well. We are shooting for a leaner, meaner spring, although quite honestly we talk like this after every hedonistic excursion. Time to join a monastery, I think!
Well, after all my drivel, I bet you wish we’d head off somewhere sometime soon again…. Sorry to say, you’re stuck with me once more! I hope everyone else fared well themselves this long weekend, and did better than me!
Weight: 209.6 lbs.
I am very, very tired, but can’t seem to sleep. I talked on the phone last night with the out of town girlfriend we will be meeting on Sunday morning, and she was telling me about how her boss is very ill and will be off for a while for surgery etc., and how the stressers at her job are so much for her that she can’t seem to sleep anymore. I shared similar feelings and we comiserated for a while, culminating in laughter about how we will probably both end up falling asleep on each other instead of talking, this weekend. But, it is a sad affair that so many people I currently know are all struggling either with jobs that rob them of dignity and a sense of fulfillment or value, or who are being pushed to the brink by overwork and/or difficult and toxic dynamics. Or all of the above.
In a counseling session, one of my favorite staff who accompanies a client who is very attached to him, sadly announced his inability to trudge on anymore, and he has given notice despite having no where else to go to. He will be joining the ranks of others I know, including a good friend who have become so depleted and chewed up that even the prospect of having no where yet to go, is better than the everyday grind of what is. I remain grateful that I love my job, WHAT I do, the clients I serve. I still have passion for this and them. My issues are hopefully temporary and reactionary to changes that are looming (and that only some of us know about), and shifts in structure and duties that are stressful. And moreso, to painful interactions with individuals in authority.
After an extraordinarily difficult day recently made worse by my personal demons, I’d like to think that I have found some balance and perspective and successfully trudged on yesterday, relatively unscathed by any new occurences. I need to remember that I am more resilient than I sometimes think, and that I need not allow myself to play or feel the victim. Thank god for the help and support that I did “eat up with a spoon” from Tom and others, as still without this, I would likely be more of a basket case today. Instead, I am only a little basket case, probably moreso due now to the cumilative toll that sleepless nights has taken, and a day long migraine type headache yesterday that took even more out of me (and may fore tell that my period is due, which could also explain SOME of my heightened sensitivity).
In any event, I am struggling my way back, and when I’m done writing here, will resume my working out, which I’ve skipped twice this week including yesterday. The interesting thing is how I have crept down some in weight, proving, I suppose, that eating LESS is probably the reason. Needless to say, I have been busy and distracted to the point that food has become more of an afterthought, and I have had to remind myself to eat. As you all know, this is not my typical m.o.!! It almost feels like how others descibe feeling - not food obsessed or focused, unaware of hunger, able to eat just a little at a time. Wierd how this shifted, but especially as this is so, it may speak volumns about the concept of psychological hunger. If I’ve theoretically been too busy, distracted and upset to eat, and hardly am as a result, I must usually be the opposite (obsessed, bored, overly food focused?) on ordinary days, perhaps fueling a false sense of hunger and causing me to over eat. No pun intended, but definitely “food for thought.”
Fortunately or unfortunately, this weekend will bring food back into full focus, as there will be lots of it to reckon with! I am in desperate need for the mentality associated with this, but not the food itself. I hope to eat up every bit of the play, cameraderie, abandon and leisure that the weekend will offer, while NOT eating the reception goodies, buffet delicacies or Valentines offerings. It’ll be interesting to see how I fare, especially on the heels of some new awareness.
Here goes nothing, and we’ll “see” you again in the new week!
May EVERYONE have a restful, sane, peaceful, fulfilling and LONG weekend too!!
Weight: 210.8 lbs.
When I awoke early having to pee like a race horse, I considered this a good sign that I HAD drunk more yesterday and should be back in the losing saddle today. And I am right. Debra too speculated in the comments section that my weight gain likely related to my carbier diet a day or two ago, and that my increased thirst was also a symptom of this and of the water retention associated with it, and that it is best to try and flush my cells out now to remedy it. And get back to lower carb. eating…and stay there!
Also, after a talk with Barb about my work snack of banana, I have finally concluded, once and for all, that indeed these must be too high in sugar for me, and a likely trigger for the hypoglycemic episode I suffered from. Some days I have felt like WITHOUT a banana or something sweetish, that I will perish at my desk from exhaustion. But, as Barb pointed out, in the absence of a protein to counteract the sugar, a banana is a bad idea to revive me past its initial insulin rush, and I am likely setting myself up to rebound into too low of sugar soon after.
So, like yesterday, I am back to cheese sticks and Atkins type bars for work “meals.” I maintained my energy consistently yesterday trying this already, so I can also see for myself that these work better.
So, yesterday I made an overall more diligent effort to banish more carbs., and had a diet that was also probably higher in protein as a result. Which could also have contributed to my peeing frenzy this morning, if I recall my Atkins lessons about such matters.
Here’s what I ate yesterday: A leftover piece of tuna on low carb whole wheat, for breakfast. This equalled about 3 or 4 bites as it was just a half of a half, or less. Two cheese sticks during the work day (which I have found doen’t really need refrigeration at all, as they are just cheese and can last several hours it seems). An Atkins bar, and later a handful of cashews while wrapping up my paperwork.
For dinner, I cooked myself chicken liver and onions…mmmm, mmmm! And ate the night befores leftover steamed cauliflower with it. And later, some unsalted peanuts in the shell and an orange. I realize that the orange isn’t low carb, but it was the last item on my list, and as of now, I don’t think that I am meant to nor do I intend to eliminate ALL carbs. I am still a little confused about a million conflicting messages that I have gotten and continue to hear and see about this, and until and unless I am compelled to give up ALL fruit and other hearty and healthy items in this category, I won’t do it. But, I will limit and be mindful of what and when I eat them, as I believe that I was yesterday moreso than earlier this week. I guess that I’ll have to see how I fare like this, and keep my ears and eyes open for info. and data along this line.
Now, having said all this, I realize that I am coming up on a weekend of great challenges and temptations. Tom and I are heading about 2 hours south to his nephew’s town of Jamestown NY for his Saturday night reception. His wife -to -be called in the menu to our answering machine yesterday, and I am screwed! It consists of all the usual yummies people may have at such a fancy affair, and then some! I don’t recall every item, but suffice to say it will be begging me to cheat and at least taste it all.
Then, we head over to the nearby Alleghany Casino where we are staying that night and the next, and meeting (I hope!) my Rochester, NY girlfriend and her sister to take them to ther casino buffet for brunch for my girlfriends birthday that happens to fall on this day. This plan kind of fell in our laps, as she and I happened to be talking a few weeks ago, when she said that she was planning to spend her birthday weekend in Alleghany anyway, as her sister lives nearby and they had planned an outing to the casino!
Anyway, my point is that it’s both a wedding, long weekend, “vacation”, Valentines day, and a hedonistic getaway living above a buffet and other gourmet, casino restaurants. Lets just hope I don’t come back weighing 500 lbs.!
And, on that happy note, I am off to work out and eat breakfast etc. before work…and at least for today, know that I will remain on track. I suppose like a member of AA or something, I best take just a day, and perhaps an hour at a time, try my best to use what I am learning, and comiit to the healthiest lifestyle changes that I am consistently able to.
Amen!
Weight: 212.6 lbs.
Look at my weight!! Just as I have been gearing up all week to post a loss of perhaps 2 lbs. for this week, I go up over 2 lbs. on weigh in day!! In part I know that this is due to Monday being casino day and the buffet, but I am sure that I didn’t eat over 2 lbs. of food!!
I am trying to maintain perspective by knowing that my week’s averages are in fact reflective of a relative loss, even if today’s number doesn’t show this. This is why averages are so important, and I am glad to have been indoctrinated into this mentality through Atkin’s dieting in the past. In fact, I recently revisited my old diet journal, and found several things that can be helpful to me now. I kept a daily journal in which I wrote every bite I ate, my daily weight, and then my weekly average. I can see that: I hovered for often weeks, just as I tend to now. My averages went down most every single week however, although my Monday morning weight didn’t often represent this. I was often religious in following his plan, but the scale didn’t always acknowledge my diligence and I had several times in which I inexplicably gained or stalled despite my best efforts. And, most importantly, I kept going down over the long haul, losing 100 lbs. in around 14 months, despite often feeling as I do now and thinking that I was “done” at several points in the process. In fact, there were times that I stayed at the almost same weight for months, only to kick back into high gear later, and make up for this in time.
So, the fact that I gained, and did eat and drink more than usual yesterday which likely led to this, is not going to get the better of my mood this time. It will ruin my right column numbers, but I won’t let it ruin anything else. And I will get right back on track today.
Admittedly, I not only ate somewhat liberally from the buffet yesterday (shrimp, bbq chicken, a little stew beef, chili , carrots and a slice of sugar free cake for dessert), but grazed through the rest of the day, probably in response to growing nervous energy about resuming work today. I still feel very anxious, and didn’t sleep as well either, as a result. All these factors tend to make me swollen and heavy - plus, I was unusually thirsty yesterday and couldn’t drink enough to satisfy myself. Perhaps it was that I ate more carbs than usual, including some salty pretzel sticks that we had laying around and seemed to be the perfect stress relieving munchable at the time. Bad!!!
Another wierd number that I registered yesterday, was a glucose reading of 168 before dinner, and after several hours without eating. However, this was taken from a cut on my lip and not a finger prick, and I question its accuracy. I know that I am wierd, but when I started bleeding from this cut, I saw an opportunity to test and the meter worked like normal in recording the number (it didn’t say: “error” as it sometimes has when I’ve tried to test other than finger stick blood) .Can anyone tell me if the lip is a viable place to test?! I was too squeemish to then test on my finger, so I have nothing to compare this to. I may need to cave and let Tom check me tonight or something, as I must admit that I am a little worried as if this number was valid, I am running too high, I think. And, given how thirsty I was yesterday, I am already imagining that my diabetes has returned and is wreaking havoc on my system.
So…today, on this day that I am headed out for a long, hard day, I am faced with numbers that don’t add up already, and I haven’t even begun work. If I’m already this off track, I can only imagine how this day may go!
|
|
March 7th, 2010 | 
Categories: 
Recent Comments