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Weight: 191.4 lbs.
I never thought that I’d say it, but I am glad that it is Tuesday! I am so glad that my bloodwork is over that I could puke!
So yesterday we left out early, with a hot compress on my arm shaped like a kitty cat (one of those microwaveable cat shaped neck snugglies), a bottle of flavored water, my contraband (valium) and my 2 scripts. I wasn’t sure when to take the valium so that it would peak at just the right time, but decided to take it enroute and keep my fingers crossed.
We arrived at a nearly empty Quest waiting room - a rarity for an early blood draw. But, there was no one tending the window either, despite our best efforts to announce our arrival and ensure that they knew that it was ME. Not that I am a narcissist who must have immediate attention or anything, but typically when Tom scopes a place out for me beforehand, one of the criteria is that the staff can be flexible to the best of their ability, and take me either before or after my set time, according to how groggy the pills are making me. Plus, I like to greet and remind them about my special “issues” beforehand.
But, there was no one to be found, and I was starting to get as woozy as a herion addict. I learned that 2 valium is absolutely enough after all, possibly as I have lost weight, or as I absorb things differently now. (Just like a small glass of wine can floor me!)
Anyway, I was finally called back cold cocked, and the lady was not only as unfriendly and businesslike as could be, but was dismissive, aloof, and if I asked things, answered me as briefly as could be humanly possible. For instance, in an attempt to connect and engender some human emotion and awareness from her, I asked: “Do you deal with people with needle phobias here?” Her answer: “No”.
Not really what would serve to inspire and reassure me.
So, I did what any self respecting phobic who was feeling that much more vulnerable and anxious would do. (No, not leave, although I did think about it!)
I started crying in my draw chair. Then I asked quietly if I could go get my husband. For which her answer was a shrug, and an “I don’t care.”
Now usually I ask Tom to stay OUT, as he both is pummeled by me and this is unfair to him, and because in some wierd way he actually can make me feel MORE nervous.
But, this time I buried my head in his shirt while he rubbed my back and talked to me (seeing as I couldn’t get bland, rude draw lady to say a word or give a flying s***).
It turns out that another lady I was hardly aware of came in and actually was the one who did the draw, while apathy woman busied herself labeling tubes and such. I guess. Because I was busy sobbing quietly into Tom’s shirt, and missed the whole thing.
But, the punch line, is that I was stuck in the crook of my right arm once, they successfully drew several vials and my vein didn’t shut off or roll away as it often does, and with Tom’s rallies and cheers, I made it through. With just ONE hole and in about 10 minutes! A new record, I think!
Then when I tried to compliment and thank bland woman (the other one had already scooted and I was still unaware that she had anything to do with it), she was equally as yucky accepting compliments as she was in providing a supportive environment.
But, I guess I could have had Attila the Hun do me if it meant this degree of efficiency and success…and the moral of the story is that I’ll take competent over warm and fuzzy, if given the choice, from now on.
Besides, warm and fuzzy is what Tom is for!
And, in other good news, I lost back the pre-draw fluid bloat, and I can now think and see clearly into the new week to strengthen my resolve and do better, I hope. Callie is no longer suffering before us and we are starting to heal from losing her, my period and bloodwork are over, school and therefore Tom are about to resume, and hopefully, no more extraordinary events or stressors are on the horizon at the moment.
And for all this, I breathe a huge sigh of relief and take a better step forward for health and integrity sake.
And the next chapter is that of getting back the results…. But, no matter what, this should be easier than getting them out of me!
Weight:193.9
One of these days, I just know that this is what I am going to yell when the poor phlebotomist assigned to me comes at me for the draw. Perhaps today will be the day. I am apprehensive as I write this, as I am due there in just an hour or so, and I am about to take my few measly valium in hopes of some sedation, but have little expectation that they will do much to quell my growing anxiety. You’d think I was going off to war or something.
God, how I wish it not only was over already, but that I could feel the profound relief of it having gone successfully so I won’t have to do this again for a while. I am terrified that they will fail, and like so many times before, I will leave devastated, miserable, horrified and full of holes. With the awareness that I will have to try it all again because I still need my blood drawn.
With all of modern technology today, you’d think that they would have either invented something to address phobias more successfully, or a way to install a faucet or something onto one’s body so that you could just tap into it to spill out however much blood was needed. Wouldn’t that be grand?! Although I guess the closest thing to this would probably be the in-dwelling catheter thingy I did have put in for surgery, and that they were able to draw out of for the weeks following it before it was removed. Grossly and painfully, I might add. Not quite a solution, I suppose.
I do plan to do all of the things I can to make my veins more prominent, and have been drinking since early yesterday to the degree that I had to pee all night and have gained even more weight. On the other hand, we went metal detecting in like 100 degree heat yesterday, so you would think that I sweat as much off as I consumed. But if this is so, than I am even more screwed weight wise than I have been, and my veins risk not being nearly plumped up enough to produce.
I did have high hopes though that the physical nature of detecting would counteract the calories I have been consuming. Even though all we found was one quarter and an old bottle.I did look the green bottle up on line last night though, and see that it is from 1865, and sold for $140 at a bottle auction recently! Too bad that mine is broken at the top. And too bad that the miles of territory I walked, the holes I dug and the heat I endured didn’t otherwise rev my metabolism or whip me into an exercising frenzy.
But, I am hoping that the act of walking around with a 10 lb. machine attached to my right arm for hours on end may also have helped to “loosen up” my arm veins, giving me that much more of an edge today.
And if this works, I can advertise even more virtues of metal detecting, beyond the “fun and profit” it proposes to offer! Hey, compared with things like drinking another 9 gallons of fluids or tying off my arms, this would be the most fun and user friendly method of preparing for the task ahead.
Now, lets see if any of this works!
Weight: 192.4 lbs.
I seem to be stuck at a new higher weight, and can’t even get back down to where I was at my lowest. Although admittedly I am not trying that hard where I was say that I am a bariatric wonder or anything. But, I am trying to eat sensibly, cut back where I can, and limit carbs. Yesterday I also ensured that I had more frequent snacks at work, including a cheese stick, a protein bar, and later a pear from our friends pear tree. I don’t think that my blood sugar dropped as low as it had the day before, although it is hard to tell at times when I am perpetually tired and stressed anyway.
I remain a little mopey, but am plugging away at finding things I enjoy to distract and entertain me. I am hoping for news soon about the possiblility of metal detecting some old farm land, and think if allowed, this could be just what the doctor ordered. It would allow us a nice, natural day outdoors with the prospect of buried treasure and the thrill of the hunt.
I AM glad today to have wrapped up some loose ends about my imminent blood draw, as I talked to the nurse at my center yesterday, and after some to do, was permitted to get another script that included the 6 extra values I was told should be included. I admitted that I only heard of these values from “research” and my bariatric “buddies”, and initially she was skeptical and a little rude, I thought. But, in all fairness, she said that she’d ask the doctor about adding them although they usually don’t test for such things, and got back to me to leave a message that a new script was waiting for me at the front desk. Tom went and picked it up for me, and it had all 6 things on it. These are vitamin A, K, E, zinc, selenium and TSH. She said that the magnesium level that I wanted checked, is already included in the standard panel.
Also, Tom scoped out a new Quest site for me, when the one I usually use was rude to him and said that the two phlebotomists I usually trust no longer worked there, and they could otherwise make no special concessions for me. He found another site where they were nice and accomodating, less busy, and said that they were great with “difficult draws”. Please leep your fingers crossed on this one! Monday at 8:30 am is the dreaded time for me, and I am so worried that they will fail, as this has happened many times before, and all I come home with is several punctures, a tear stained face, a valium low, and the misery of knowing I must do it all over again another day. I really don’t think I could handle it if this happened on Monday. I plan to drink mucho fluid, use hot compresses as Barb suggested, time the two valium I have just so, and exercise every anti-phobic strategy I have learned to the best of my ability. And pray!!
And for once, I can’t wait until Tuesday….
Weight: 192.2 lbs.
I remain down and am trying to think of creative ways to feel better…alcohol and food aside. I did have a long phone conversation with my friend Rose last night, and I daresay that this helped some on two accounts. We did talk cat, and in sharing her own stories of grief and guilt, and attempting to give her support and comfort, I too somehow ended up feeling a little better. She had a situation where she feels guilty for having done too much when her cat had cancer, and now feels badly that she put her through so much and had to euthanize her anyway just a few weeks later due to both the trauma of the surgery and treatments, and the disease itself. In the scheme of things, although we may not have opted to do everything to heal Callie, at least we did not put her through possibly useless and invasive treatments, and cause even more suffering. I think the moral is that there is really no good or right or wrong options, and each one probably brings its own regret and questions and guilt in the face of such a ravaging illness.
In addition to having such talks like this with myself, I am trying hard to focus on other aspects of balance. The other good thing that came from talking with Rose, is that she wants to join Tom and I metal detecting in the park on Saturday, and now we have bumped this up to picnic status, and it is giving me a little something to look forward to. Something decently healthy, natural and good for the soul, that is.
Also, tomorrow night is the Compeer picnic, and Sunday we have friends due over for brunch. I think I need to keep such a recreational/social pace, and look forward to cheering myself up in such ways.
I do feel as if I am fighting underlying forces that want to bring me down, and this worries me some as historically I am prone to depression. I hope that with such efforts and conscious vigilance, I can head off a crash. I may need to be even more creative if this weekends events and the end of my period don’t do the trick, however.
The other thing I am starting to worry about and that is creating some havoc for my mood and functioning, is my blood sugar levels. I left work in a fog a little early yesterday because I was so “fuzzy” I couldn’t think and finish off. I drove home in a blur, feeling messed up and shaky, and was stupid to not recognize what was going on sooner. But, when I came in the house, terribly irritable and immediately intent on doing more computer research on bloodwork (to formulate my strategy to talk with the bariatric nurse today), I could hardly even see, let alone think. I was shaking badly, and felt nauseous and weak. I called Tom in to test my blood, as it dawned on me that this could explain everything. And it was “57″.
And, I had eaten just a few hours earlier at my desk - in fact, frantically as I was famished and could hardly shovel food in my mouth fast enough as I felt hypoglycemic even then. I had handfuls of nuts and raisins (gorp), thinking this was the perfect pick me up.
But instead I think it almost killed me! Now I am not sure what is the best quick desk snack for when I get this way, plus I need to be more mindful of my symptoms, as driving with levels so low could be very dangerous. And I do feel as if I run low a lot - more often than not, in fact. I plan to discuss this with my center on my upcoming visit, but am seeing that it can be a relatively common and persistant problem for post gastric bypassers. And, can worsen in time and wreak havoc. And that although there may be strategies (like limiting carbs even more) to help, many people find that nothing works 100%, and they must learn to compensate and deal.
I’m not happy at this prospect, especially as I already feel rather overwhelmed and “gruncy” about everything.
I think I have my work cut out for me…but do hope that more work isn’t assigned before I get this stuff “right”!
Weight: 191.5 lbs.
Blechhh…I feel like crap. And as always, Tuesdays are long days at my job. Plus, as I was off since Friday, I am expecting to be inundated today.
I still can’t believe how much I miss Callie and how frequently I think of her and tear up, or fight to block this from happening. Last night I made a few ears of corn on the cob, and suddenly remembered how just about a week or two ago, she watched intently as I ate some, and then dug into my chewed up cobs when I left them on the tv table afterwards. This is a reminder of both how food oriented she always was, as well as how much more ravenous she became when in her final days. And I must work hard to stop thinking about such things as they serve no purpose.Maybe getting out of the house and back to work won’t be such a bad thing afterall.
In another downer today, I must follow up on getting arrangements made for my blood work. I did post at obesityhelp, and people responded that my list appears far from comprehensive, and that at minimum, things like vitamin K, Calcium, Vitamin A, Phosphorus and PTH (whatever this is) should be checked. I am now upset and chagrined that my list is not only so much shorter, but that I have had to be so proactive to get this all set up in the first place. I admit to feeling forsaken by my bariatric center, and now dread how I will have to ask them to add these additional values. It seems to me that things like Calcium especially would be important to check, especially as I have been told to supplement with it and all.
So, in addition to having to be so proactive with Quest who draws my blood, I must follow up with the surgeon or his nurse. I did call Quest yesterday to inform them of my special needs and try and set up a draw for next Monday, but haven’t heard back from them yet. As is customary, I must take the reins and ask them which site has their most hearty phlebotomists, and then tell them that I will be coming on valium, need to lay down, and am as phobic and veinless as can be. They have always been kind, and generally arrangements get made accordingly beforehand, so no one is traumatized any more than need be. But, the head lady is hard to reach beforehand by phone, and usually it ends up that Tom must drive over to a local draw site, meet with someone in person, and pave the way in advance.
This, combined with whatever I now must do to ensure optimal values are checked, makes the whole process quite difficult. God how I wish I were a heavily veined, non phobic, “normal” person with a trusted doctor who ordered everything without question, who could breeze through Quest on my way to work and not look back.
Life just isn’t always fair or easy, is it??!!
Weight: 192.1 lbs.
Yuck - I am miserable today! As if I weren’t feeling badly enough, now I’ve gone and gotten my period, making me feel even more maudlin, achey, crampy and crabby. I need a chromosomal transplant or to slap my mother for having made me a girl!
Tom and I had thought we might head out metal detecting today while he is still off and so am I today - but between this and the rain, I think I will hunker down and cry instead. Or nap or vegetate or moan.
This does at least explain why I was so hungry yesterday, as well as had wierd dreams all night, including several with Callie in them. One that made me happy however, was when I was carrying her little fluffy body everywhere with me like a purse, and she was alive and happy and purring her way all over town.
God I still miss her so much it can feel unbearable at times.
But, I continue to try and block such thoughts as they serve no purpose. Except for when Barb called after seeing here yesterday that Callie had passed, and calling to offer her condolences. I allowed myself to talk about her and her final days some, but was overcome with emotion and do better not to.
Before this, our friend Debbie spent the afternoon with us, and we caught up, ate dinner together, and watched a cool, scary movie. I could handle this as we kept it pretty light.
Dinner consisted of 3 $6 meals from Wegman’s carry out, and we were all very pleasantly surprised at how much tasty food you get for this amount. I ordered the Jamaican Jerk chicken dinner with my sides as mixed roasted veggies, and mac and cheese. I know the latter was not a good choice, but it was super good, and I have tons of everything left for another meal. I also steamed some cauliflower that we added to the mix, and I like to think that this was a nice, inexpensive, hearty and healthy dinner - better than had we eaten out at a restaurant or I had attempted to cook for us at home. We were all glad to have discovered this deal, and probably will use it more often. There are tons of meats and sides to choose from, so we can mix and match each time and not get bored.
Today my appetite has decreased as it does at such a time, and I will probably be less inclined to be as thrilled about my food as I was yesterday. Or eat as much, I imagine. I need to lose back down to at least the almost 190 that I had been at, and hope to be more diligent about paying heed.
This will be the first full week since we lost Callie, and other than bleeding to death, I expect it to otherwise be normal at work and at home. We are not awash with summer plans, tragedy does not appear to be looming any longer, no one is due in from out of town that we are aware of, work should be typical. At least we hope!
I do have to make a solid plan to have my bloodwork done however, and this is trauma enough for weeks for me, given my phobia of needles. I plan to write on obesityhelp.com about what levels they have ordered, as my list seems suspiciously small compared to what I think I have heard that others get ordered for at the year and a half mark. All they have asked for is: CBC, CMP, Vit. DOH25, Iron,TIBC,Ferritin,B12,Folate,Lipid Panel, and Thiamine. I had to call and have them add an A1C.
I just wonder about any other vitamin and mineral levels that I have seen others writing about having tested. But, I’m not sure if I remember what these are, let alone am correct in this assumption. What I do know is that I am only going to go ONCE, so it better be thorough and complete the first time!
Weight: 191.1 lbs.
Well, I seem to have lost much of what I had gained before taking a break from reality recently, so I guess that despite worry induced eating, I can’t be doing THAT bad. Yesterday I had to make up a veggie platter for a birthday party we are going to today, and had purchased like $25 of veggies for the occassion. I ended up making two huge platters containing broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, mushrooms, celery, peppers, cucumbers and dips. Whatever didn’t fit in the trays, I kept for us. We ended up with a huge bowl of cucumber, tomato, and onion vinigriatte, another huge bowl of assorted veggies for dipping and munching, and cauliflower for steaming. Needless to say, I ate my fair share of veggies yesterday, along with morning eggs, and dinner chicken. I guess you could say that this was one of my healthier days. And today, we will surely be eating more veggies while at the party, along with whatever other goodies Corky and Phyllis have. Plus, I have breakfast plans with my friend Zoe, beforehand. Her dog is not doing well, and I expect that we will spend much of our time comiserating about the sadness of having a sick pet.
Yesterday Tom and I did end up doing ok with our free time, and spent some of it gadding about town, including visits to old friend Nancee and her children, and Pete, Erin and Mike and their children. We actually hadn’t figured on seeing any of them, but both of their streets happened to be having block sales, and it was opportune to drop by.
Fortunately Callie is not sick to the degree that we worry about leaving her (yet?), and frankly it is good for our sanity to have distractions away from home. Otherwise Tom and I find ourselves staring sadly at her, panicking when we can’t find her, comparing notes constantly about every little move she makes and defining it as either pathetic, or “maybe she’s better.” She continues to shake her head, lick her lips, shake all of her paws and even drool quite constantly. Her eyes are squinty all the time, and she just looks sickly all around. However, she also seems to still enjoy both food and looking at the world through our front door. Although she doesn’t seem to derive much pleasure in being petted or snuggling with us anymore (except for continuing to sleep with us at night), it is hard to say that the quality of her life is compromised to the degree that she may need to be put down. certainly not yet, and not before we even know more about what she has and whether it is treatable or not. But, Pete did speak to this when we were discussing her condition yesterday, and naturally, it is in the back of our minds. Something I can’t even wrap my head around at this time, and certainly hope not to have to.
So, to remain sane and distracted, we are glad to have a busy day today, and to even end our day with our metal detecting meeting amongst friends, and a president of the club and his wife who are consumate cat lovers, having 11 of their own. Tomorrow night we are also doing dinner with them, and welcome the chance to talk “cat”, including the opportunity to see if they have ever heard of such symptoms as those that Callie displays.
Also tonight, we must take up all of the dry cat food that is left for both kitties to nibble on at will. This will be hard on both of them, we expect, but especially poor, perpetually hungry Callie. On the other hand, her early morning exam and bloodwork is contingent on having fasted. But I dread every bit of this, including how difficult and sad it always is to haul her off to the vet in the first place.
I think that I won’t blog until AFTER the 7:40 a.m. vet appointment AND my 10:30 am gynecology appt. Two massive YUCKS - but events that will give me something to talk about here, I suppose. I am hoping to see too how the gynecologist reacts to how much weight I have lost since last visit, and whether she will order additional bloodwork (ie: hormone levels) for me to supplement all the orders I already am sitting on from the bariatric doctor. I have waited so that I can combine these into one phobic appointemt - because we all know that I can barely stand to go once and certainly can’t be expected to do this two times in a row! I mean, how distasteful can things be at the moment, really!? Blecch to everything lurking around the corner at this time…so let’s not make it any worse than that which I already have on my plate, thank you!
And I only hope that the gods or goddesses of fate, health, sanity and mortality are all listening right now!
Weight: 191.3 lbs.
I just finished writing someone back in the comment section, and this inspired me to use the above phrase as today’s title. It seemed to fit so well that I have said it twice already this morning. Boy, some sleep and a few minutes of down time can sure go a long way to curing what ails you!
I no longer feels sick, although I still wouldn’t mind some mindless time off to do a little nothing for a minute. Last night Tom and I went shopping all over town, and I didn’t get home for dinner until after 8:00, which is a terrible design flaw for anyone, but especially if you’ve had gastric bypass. I was so hungry that I feared I would gnaw my own limbs off, and then grabbed for starch the minute we walked in. I had a pre-dinner snack of leftover chips, and then ate slices of cheese and leftover corn as my “meal.” Does it get any worse than this?! Yuk on all levels, but at least I ate something…and then went to bed just a few hours later. I have really got to get things in sync, have better foods available and perhaps laid out, and stop running errands after work when there is clearly too little time to fit everything in. Ack…but at least Tom and I scored some new undies on sale, stocked up on crystal light, and I got a watch to replace the one that is dying on my wrist.
Somewhere in there, I managed to talk to a friend who described experiencing the exact symptoms of exhaustion that I had complained of, including the sore throat/swollen gland experience. For her, this also lessened with sleep - proving that today’s hectic lifestyle can kill anyone at any time if we all probably don’t work to ensure balance and rest. It’s funny that we both used the term “mono” to refer to how it felt, as this indeed is a condition usually brought on by a compromised immune system due to exhaustion. Hopefully a full blown episode has been averted by both of us, but it is a good lesson in the value of rest!
Tonight we have dinner companydue (Janet) and before this, I have a rather difficult day of work scheduled. I won’t get into the details, but suffice to say that some of my new responsibilities are quite stressful and anxiety provoking. I am hoping that as I become less new in this role however, that I will become more adept at managing my feelings more successfully.
Yesterday though, I did manage to get some other things accomplished, including scheduling for bloodwork and follow up with my bariatric center. They did acknowledge that they had been remiss in scheduling me themselves, although they offered no real explaination or apology. They agreed to send me a script for bloodwork and another for valium, but didn’t ask how much I typically take or need. I can only hope that it is sufficient, as in my experience, if I get any at all, it is way too little and both I and the poor techs who must stick me, are left in shambles. I tried to explaIn this to the lady on the phone yesterday, so hopefully my advocacy helped. I am rather anxiously awaiting mail delivery to see. The appointment to review the results has been set for September 14th, and as they have such limited spots for appointments, I have to take work off to go. So, I will surely be doubley anxious when this day arrives…but am also very eager to see where things stand. I have been largely diligent about taking my trusted Celebrate vitamins exactly as I should, although admittedly I did forget my iron tablet a few times this summer, as it is the one that can’t be taken other than 2 hours before or after other vitamins, making it harder to get in at times. It will be an interesting test though to see if my levels are as good as they should be, given both how well I typically supplement, and the relative balance of what I eat. I am no light weight or small eater, so I am thinking that these factors may actually be in my favor as far as internal values go. On the other hand, I have been unspeakably tired at times and achey, bruisey and lackluster at others, and wonder if this relates to deficiencies, or just the hectic pace of life and of stress. It sure will be interesting to see!
So, today is a post about forging forward and pulling back up by the bootstraps. Despite lingering weariness and apprehension. Today is my new day to do what I can with, and as long as I can function, I can do the best I can with it.
Sounds like a plan to me!
Weight: 190.6 lbs.
I keep staying up too late talking on the phone with one friend or another, and continue to be sleep depreived as a result. Or, perhaps it is the fact that I am stressed out by my job, iron is seeping out of me in record amounts, or I am still struggling to re-acclimate to the real world. Either way - yawn!
I have much to do at work today, but at least should have a clear path to getting things accomplished as it is strictly an administrative day. I have to meet with my superviser about a million things as well, including about my raise which I am still not sure yet has been approved or how to go about receiving it if payroll doesn’t know.
Oh, and speaking of money, we did have to pay that belated psychological bill for Dr. Dorkhead…adding insult to injury to this process. It seems that our good insurance got crappy BEFORE and not AFTER my meeting with him last March…leaving me also concerned about any other potential prerequisite doctor visits I may have had and forgotten about.. I’d hate to see surgical bills start trickling in too…and the reality is that our policy HAD changed before my 4/28/09 gastric bypass, so it is possible that aspects of this never got paid as well, I suppose. I am afraid to even think this or ask, so I guess we’ll just sit tight and hope for the best. Having the insurance we do now is rather like catostrophic care only, where all preventative appointments, labs and such aren’t covered at all, or we must first chew down a hefty deductible (ie: for labs) first, and even then, only some of it is covered. It is hard to understand all the formulas involved, so again, we will just wait to see whether there will be more fallout or not. We get enough bills from current appointments to keep us busy and broke, that it would suck hugely if old ones kept coming in as well.
Well, at least I am gainfully employed and building hours and workload that keeps me busy and clothed. I should stop grousing about working and be grateful…which actually I am, and hope this comes through despite my weariness and burn out at times.
And, speaking of which, I am keeping this short and sweet as I’ve gotta go soon to perform for our dinner….
And, this weekend will be so busy that Tuesday’s work will be upon me before I’ve dried off from Sunday’s Conesus Lake cottage adventure, Sunday’s metal detecting picnic or Saturday’s Lawn Fete.
What exactly was I complaining about?! I’ve forgotten already!
Weight” 191.2 lbs.
I don’t want to be, but I am. Looking ahead, that is. There is much to tend to.
Today I am heading into work as tomorrow I have clients packed into every minute, and I fear that if any administrative work, phone calls or paperwork has been left for me in my absence (which is hugely likely!), then there is no way that I will have time to get to it until like Friday, as I have a record number of clients to see each day this week. I’d rather ease myself back into reality more gently that face so much stress all at once tomorrow. Either way, I yearn to be retired and living a perpetual lake existence, right about now. Sigh….
The other main thing I must follow up on that is even more distasteful is my bloodwork. I still have heard nothing from my bariatric center, so will likely need to be proactive. It seems odd that the last time they ordered bloodwork for me was about my fourth month post surgery (I believe), and I am now approaching my 15th month, and no one has checked on me any further. They say that they send out these little postcard thingies that I wrote my address on during my last visit…and I thought, have been clear that they initiate all processes for follow up visits and testing. By my math however, I am way overdue for having heard from them. I do wonder if this has anything to do with the fact that we lost our insurance coverage, and I am now private pay client there who is given a reduced rate as per their contract. Maybe somehow I am categorized differently or of less value or something. Whatever the case, I must admit that I have never felt the “love” with this center, and am not surprised that this is just one more thing with them.
So, I expect that this whole bloodwork process will be distasteful in every way, and especially the needle part! I do believe that I am (over)due to have many values checked and that probably many vials will have to be drawn. The other part I dread about this, is trying to squeeze some valium out of them. If you are a long time follower here or know me in other ways, you know what a nightmare this has been too.
And speaking of this, one of the pieces of mail that we came back to Saturday, was a $200 bill for my March, 2009 psychological for the surgery itself! The doctor’s office wrote that they had many unsuccessful attempts at collecting from my insurance (in the last year and a half?!), and now were billing me privately. I am shocked and dismayed, and now must try and figure out what went wrong and what to do about it. This is also especially insult to injury, as you may recall that I specifically used the bariatric psychologist recommended by my center due to it being covered…and the doctor was a complete, rude, disappointing jerk. I’m sure that I posted about my experience with him at the time, and I recall being very disheartened by his attitude and demeanor. I am NOT looking forward to grappling with his office and my (ex) insurance about this, but if I have to pay $200 for him, I think I will blow a gasket!!
Yuck…back to reality every which way!
The other area I must face and conquer, is that of my diet, exercise regime and weight. I haven’t yet wrapped my head around a better plan than the one I had before our trip, but do know that I have kept putting off getting more regimented or serious about things. Honestly, I don’t feel any more prepared to make changes just yet either, and want to ease back into other stressful realities first before I change everything up on myself all at once and shoot myself back into stress orbit all at once. I am rather freaked out enough already about work and bloodwork alone, thank you!
So…it is a time of sticking my toes back into the pool of reality, and trying to still hold onto the creamy, relaxed state I just came from.
Let’s see how long that lasts!
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August 31st, 2010 | 
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