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Weight: 183.6 lbs.
I’m borderline and proud of it! The kind that means that I no longer need to wear my c-pap!
I had my sleep study follow up appointment yesterday and was given a copy of the results. We reviewed these in detail, and I learned that I had 5.1 episodes of hyponeas and apneas while on my side, and 12.3 episodes while sleeping on my back. She said that 5.1 is the average for everyday people, as to some degree, everyone has some episodes. The 12.3 is a little high and puts me in the very mild range of apnea, but not necessarily enough to warrant the use of a machine. She suggested that I simply attempt to sleep on my side and practice overall good sleep hygiene (ie: going to bed and awakening about the same times each night), and trying not to gain weight. The first may be an easier task than the latter these days, although now I have that much more incentive. How cool to have now outgrown the last of my obesity induced medical problems!! I told her that through my blog networks and research I had heard that not many people and even those who have gotten to goal weight, seem to outgrow apnea. She said that she has seen it several times, but only in those whose condition is not genetic or caused by factors other than obesity, of course. Apparently this was the sole cause of my condition. And my breathing would improve even further should I (ever!) succeed in getting even more weight off. And deteriorate should I regain.
A sobering thought. And especially scary lately as I have been eating like a lunatic. Yesterday I also had not one, but two hypoglycemic episodes. The first I tested at 65 and caught myself relatively early on the way down. I ate an orange to bring my levels back up, and then later tanked on the orange plus dinner (a turkey dog on whole wheat and some baked beans). I fell asleep in a puddle of drool and couldn’t be aroused until my levels rose. I was then hungry all over again, and it seems that this vicious cycle continued through both the day and evening. Clearly I am not eating well enough to sustain good and even levels, and putting myself in jeopardy health and weight wise. And MUST stop…!
Last night I did sleep without the c-pap as the first of what I hope will be forever nights. And I do feel very well rested and balanced this morning, which is the head start I hope for to try and get things more right for taking better self care. I do plan to think through my choices more carefully, and although I have a long day at work, I can pack decent snacks as I did shop recently, and we have ok stuff to choose from. And lots of nuts, which seem to be my biggest staple at work.
As to sleep, it will be interesting to see how I feel as time goes by. The doctor confirmed that it can be bad for you to sleep with a machine if you no longer need it, as it can cause another type of apnea triggered by the brain trying to make up for having too much oxygen. So although she said that it is up to me whether I use it on occasion, I am not taking chances, and have retired my good old c-pap for now. It is wierd how unused to Tom and household noises I have become, as I have become accustomed to only the gentle whooshing of my air flow. Last night, and especially this morning, I was acutely aware of Tom’s breathing, snoring, murmurs, cat doings, his alarm, household creaking, traffic outside and every other sound in the planet. Although I slept decently overall, I had forgotten how loud the world is!
So it is with a little melancholy that I put away my trusty machine and sleep again as the natives do. But, if I don’t get my eating in check, I am well aware that the gift of unencumbered sleep and the sounds that go with it, will be taken from me once again. My choice and my angst….And I must get it right!!!
Weight: 183.6 lbs.
The pendulum has now swung and I have become a full fledged maniac. Although I got a million things done yesterday, none of it felt like enough and I am irritable about how my list has only grown. I even called an old colleague/friend and he came right over to help me price the antiques in our garage sale….but determined that some were of possibly too high value to “give away” and that I should consult with three different antiquers that he uses and is aquainted with. One for stuff, one for old books and one for militaria. Somehow we have all three categories of things, and they may be worth a decent amount.
So, amongst other things, I am having to add this to the list. It will likely require running the items from here to there for estimates. Plus, at our metal detecting meeting last night, I learned that the Ten Lives Cat Club’s big garage sale is June 4th, and last year I spent a zillion hours helping set them up. I offered again, and although I do want to support the cause, feel like it may be one more huge thing on my plate…especially if I am trying to have my own sale around the same time. Plus, I actually came home and cancelled (well, moved up a week) our dinner plans with my cousins for next Sunday, because I was also told that next Sunday is Ten Live’s annual fund raiser, and we go every year. I just forgot in all the commotion.
Ack…so much to do and so little time. I seem to have heard this somewhere before….
Today I take my car in for lots of maintenence, and then Tom whisks me off for my sleep study follow up appointment. Then we have numerous errands and phone calls. Thank god I am off today, but I can already see the day whizzing by.
What hasn’t sped up along with my mind, is my metabolism. Apparently. I have gained and not lost back down, and still can’t seem to discipline myself to eat any better or to exercise yet.I watched the premiere episode for season 4 of Ruby (on-line as I don’t get Style network) yesterday and she gained many pounds back, and this scared me. I see that it is so easy to do even with surgery, and can totally sympathize with her struggles. Just the same, I am stupid enough to bank on my mental expenditure and running around to suffice for now. And can only hope then that I don’t pay the price in both a blown gasket AND blubber!
Weight: 182.3 lbs.
Aghhh..I am exhausted! When I got home at 5:18 am this morning sporting a gooey mohawk, rumpled and practically in a coma, I immediately greeted Tom like a zombie, and then headed straight for bed. I’ve managed to get a “nap” in, but had to get up to do this and prepare for work. I feel weary and fuzzy headed and as if I spent the night at a concentration camp instead of a sleep study.
Although I had done it before, I did forget what a jarring experience it is. The lady I was assigned to was nice and all, and in fact we talked bariatrics and weight, but I still felt a little like she was my executioner. I was wired and hooked up every conceivable place, then asked to shuffle to and into bed. It is funny how they say that you can sleep in any position, even when doing so requires great finesse to not pull wires out and cause her overly loud voice to suddenly appear in the “box” by your bedside. As it did many other times, such as when I had to pee at 1:30 am and followed my directions to merely sit up if I needed anything. It is so wierd to think that someone is watching you closely enough to immediately speak: “I’ll be right there!” at you from another room and into that box. I felt self conscious and silly, and worried that I was waking the two others having their studies in nearby rooms. As they had awoken me so many times themselves due to very poor soundproofing for a sleep center.
All told, I think that I didn’t fall asleep until after I peed (about 2:00 am), and even then only drifted in and out at best. I do think that I had a bried wierd dream at one point, but mostly kept hearing noises from the other rooms and in the hall that woke me any time I even approached unconsciousness.
What a design flaw! On the other hand, years ago when I had my first study (at a different center), I had such yet untreated apnea that I could have slept through anything (and in fact was, which was the point of the study in the first place!) I do believe that at that time I slept solidly the whole time, except like last night, for the times when THEY awoke me to reattach wires and the like. Last time they also fitted me with a c-pap halfway through, but last night they did not. I am hoping that this may mean that in fact I have outgrown the whole thing, as she and I had discussed before the test. My sleep number is now down to a “5″, and she told me that this is the lowest it can go so if the few pounds I lost since it was recalibrated to a “5″ matters, than I may in fact no longer need it.
I will have to wait until next Monday when I meet with the doctor to see. I plan to ask for a copy of the test itself too, as I have my last one and would like to compare them.
The best part of last night was talking to the woman who wired me. She readily told me that she weighs 260 lbs, having lost 22 lbs. recently after going on the first diet of her life. She is very young, but also has type I diabetes and numerous other health problems. She told me that she had a consultation with our local bariatric center and my surgeon, and although would likely be approved for surgery, has decided to try and lose on her own instead. She acknowledged that she has never really put an effort into doing so, and besides this being a supposed requirement for surgery, she believes that she isn’t worthy of getting the operation until she can prove that she is even capable of following some kind of program and putting in some kind of effort. She even admitted that up until recently she was drinking only sugared pop, despite being a diabetic. The poor thing obviously has a ways to go, and I felt somewhat motherly with her, and encouraged healthy habits with the back up of future surgery should typical steps fail in the long haul like when she is older.
With the funny irony of course being that I am no exemplary case of compliance myself…although she made me look like Jack LaLane by the time we were done chatting!
Weight: 182.5 lbs.
Note to self: Don’t attend the Home Show with more than one other individual in the future. Although we got on the road early for it, the fact that we went with 2 very different woman (sisters) meant that between the tastes of the 4 of us, someone or another was interested in just about every stand, and we ended up being there for way more time than I had imagined. Count in time for getting to and from, parking, getting snookered out of money by a seemingly destitute man, and then eating out afterwards, and our daytime plans blended right into our evening plans, actually made us an hour late. But, it was all a good time, and mercifully, I DID have the stamina to remain extraverted and social throughout. The girls didn’t leave until late and until we had talked and laughed ourselves to exhausted.
And ate way too much. We went to Panos for lunch, and I was so starving from the long day and nibbling free samples of crap at the Home Show, that I ordered both the chili and a falafel sandwich. I didn’t plan to, but I ate all of both! Plus bites of Tom’s rice pudding which is the best anywhere there.
Then, thankfully, Debbie offered to bring a salad and some hummus and chips and such to the evenings gathering rather than us eating or ordering out. Rose and Tom and I had already figured that we’d just order soup or something if compelled to do so, so it was especially great for us to have stuff here to pick and choose at. I still ate more than made sense given how much I had for lunch, but everything Debbie brought was so good, plus the muffins Janet brought, that I stuffed myself anyway. Not smart, but it all sure was timely and tasty!
Now tonight is the sleep study and I am not allowed caffeine past 3:00. I will also eat lighter if for no other reason than to not sleep in front of strangers on a full stomach. If I had had the test last night I would have felt twice the size from bloat!
It was funny, as a sidebar, that right after the girls left, Tom and I noticed a cop car on the street out our door. He was standing in the road and seemed vigilant. While the girls were here, we talked about getting tickets and such, as Rose just had gotten one for not wearing her seatbelt, and someone else has an expired inspection sticker. How funny then for them to run right into a cop practically outside our door. Then, Janet called me as soon as she got home to say that there were three more cops hunkered down just down our block, and when everyone purposely drove the back route to avoid the one just out the door, they ran into these three instead. No one got pulled over or anything, but apparently the police were looking for an escaped somebody or another who jumped out of their car and ran away in our neighborhood. I slept with my clothes on just in case they were hiding in our yard or something, especially after Tom said that our back security light had gone and stayed on for no apparent reason!
But at least it seems thay weren’t here for any of us, including me for eating myself to death with suicide being a crime…so I guess its safe to say that we are out of the woods and all of us have second chances for eating better and getting inspected!
Weight: 182.3 lbs.
What a joy to feel human again! A few days ago Janet and Debbie had both called and asked about getting together at some point over this weekend. I was feeling so depleted and horrible that I couldn’t imagine adding one more thing to my schedule, especially as I feared that I wouldn’t have the emotional or physical stamina to withstand even something fun.
Now, last night, I called both of them back plus Rose, and have invited the whole crowd over this evening, and after the daytime Home Show that Tom and I are scheduled to attend. I feel glad now for these plans, look forward to my friends, and have no qualms any longer about my energy level. I am back to “normal”, such as this is for the likes of me!
From this, I am learned to not underestimate the power of hormones, especially as I am getting older. In talks with friends about this, I am repeatedly hearing how they can wreak havoc, and how much worse things do tend to get as we near menopause. It is truly a Jeykll and Hyde thing for me, that is if Jekyll also got depressed while acting murderously, and I will have to remind myself that “this too shall pass” if I get this funky again.
Now I am not even dreading tomorrow night’s sleep study as much as I was, although I do have a healthy amount of apprehension about the whole affair. And of course, to make things more anxiety provoking, I am scheduled to work the first Monday in years this week, and I never would have scheduled a study overnight on a Sunday had I known that this would occur. On the other hand, I don’t have to report until Monday afternoon (for an evening staff meeting etc.), so I suppose that if I am grunchy from the experience, I may still have some time to nap here afterwards. They kick you at at 5:30 am, so its not like I will be spending the day there Monday anyway. And I will be released with goo in my hair from the electrode thingies and possibly leftover patches elsewhere…so I am also sure that I will be eager to shower and recover when I have returned. Fun, wow!
But, at least I am entering into what has geared up to be a typically busy weekend, with improved spirits. I may even catch my breath in time for the work week, and possibly consider looking past the small picture and short term, to bigger goals and needs.
Or not…. For right now, I think I’m satisfied taking small bites and focusing narrowly. There will be time to become expansive and all of that, later. And this plan makes me perfectly happy!
Weight: 183.5 lbs.
I got the results from my stress test and it seems that my heart is normal! (That makes at least one part of me that’s normal!) Tom is picking up the written report from my doctor’s office today, and I will be interested to read more about it. I continue to love my new doctor’s manner of actually allowing me access to my own medical information…imagine that. And what a relief, after all these years of intermittent chest pain and some worry, that my ticker is actually functioning just as it appearently should be. Somehow I haven’t managed to ruin it by my years of overindulgence, either.
Yet.
And speaking of, I have entered into a period of ravenous hunger lately. I don’t know if its the persistently cold weather or my work stress or hectic schedule or just my head making me think its so…but I have had terrible cravings and hunger lately, and can’t seem to get enough food to satisfy myself at times. And of course what I seem to want most is crunchies and carbs. Last night Tom and I did have bowls of air popped popcorn, and I used spray butter and even some parmesan cheese on mine. It hit the spot, but seemed to actually make me more rather than less hungry, afterwards. I guess that this is the nature of carbs and one of the reasons to stay away.
I am also aware that I still have not wrapped my head around all the great hopes and plans I had to apply better self discipline in the new year. I remain a slug who feels as if I am caught on some huge treadmill…basically work, work, working and then trying to cleanse myself from work in whatever hours remain. I constantly feel rushed and “behind”, and rarely schedule anything extra anymore out of concern that I may feel too depleted and weary when the time comes, and prefer to stay home and veg instead. I am hoping that this is a factor of it being cold and dark out, which acts as a deterent to creativity and a desire to do much more than huddle in front of the boob tube. Rather like hibernating, I suppose. It will be interesting to see if my energy and desire to do things picks up as the weather breaks and hopefully my juices start flowing once again. I realize that I shouldn’t wait for the seasons to change to motivate myself into action (and even if I do, I’m sure that I will find some new reason in the Spring, like now being TOO busy!)….but….
And as I even write this I am loathe to think of working my way out to the car in 7 degree weather, to drive anywhere, let alone to work. And on the other hand, thank goodness that I HAVE a job. Because if I didn’t, surely I’d have atrophied completely by now, and may not have even risen at all to write here or do anything important whatsoever.
If you can call this important….
Weight: 183.2 lbs.
What stress a stress test is! And quite interesting too, if watching images of your heart whooshing and vibrating in various colors is your cup of tea. I even got to hear the sounds of it while the tech was taking picture after picture and doing her thing. I now have new respect for the organ that has kept me alive so far, and hope to work harder to ensure that it stays that way too.
The hardest part about the procedure was the stress I felt about making it from the treadmill at “full speed” to the gurney next to it in “3 seconds or less” so that she could quickly assess my heart immediately following exertion. We had a dress rehearsal of how I was to quickly maneuver into the proper laying position, and I didn’t even do well in the practice. I practically rolled off the gurney that was clearly designed for someone half my size, and couldn’t position my arm properly over my head, especially with all the wires running from me to the machine. At one point my “left leg” fell off, or so she said with dismay as she hooked me back up.
Anyway, I did do well on the treadmill itself, and quickly got up to the 148 plus beats I was supposed to in order to reach my peak for testing. The tech and the attending doctor complimented me on my “form” even. I was never so proud!
But, when it came time to go from a jog to laying just so, I faced the wrong way, got yelled at by both of them, quickly turned to proper position, and practically tumbled right off the gurney again. I would have laughed if they weren’t so seriously yelling directives at me to “do it like we rehearsed!!” Clearly my brain cells didn’t expand with newfound oxygen flow from all the exertion.
The next most comical thing was her asking me to hold my breath for a minute, while winded both from the treadmill and the act of rushing to lay. She apparently needed images in which my breathing was in the way, and I couldn’t STOP breathing for the life of me. Honestly…you try to hold your breath for even a second or two after jogging to peak heart rate and having someone yelling at you!
But, someone we all managed to survive the ordeal, and the results should be to my doctor today, I was told. I will assume that if I don’t get a frantic call from her office, that I should expect to live at least a little longer. I do work very late tonight as it is our staff meeting, and god only knows that with the work events of late, I won’t probably get home until Wednesday anyway!
And lets hope that after the meeting I don’t wish for a good excuse, cardiac or otherwise, to keep me from work thereafter. Or, that work itself doesn’t erode away my otherwise healthy heart or compromise further any pre-existing issues!
Weight: 183.2 lbs.
I am off to my cardiology appointment soon, and worried about wierder things than whether I actually have a heart problem or not. Mostly I am concerned that I am so out of shape that when they ask me to run on the treadmill, I will embarass myself and end up sucked under the machine like George Jetson or something.
I am also worried that as I am like bleeding to death here, that this will create its own difficulties. Use your imagination.
Or that, just in general, it will be an awkward and embarassing scenario with me splayed on the table after they have had me run and I am all winded and everything, and they trying frantically to hook up the sticky things and electrodes and whatever before my heart rate drops back down and we have to start all over again.
Blechhh…I hate medical anything!
The other worry I am having is more legit., I guess. The instructions say not to eat 3 hours before the procedure. So, I have gotten up early (what else is new!?) so I can eat a light breakfast before 7:00, as the appointment is at 10:00. But, it is also a 2 hour procedure, or so it says. And then I have some shopping to do along the route back home. So now I am worried that I may get too depleted and “crash” (ie: have a hypoglycemic episode) going too long between meals, especially if I am only eating a tad this morning. I am not sure whether I need to be worried about this or not, but may as well add it to the list. I think that I will take an Atkins bar with me just in case. But I doubt that they’d allow me to munch on it while on the treadmill…LOL!
Whatever….
Gee, at this rate I’d rather WORK Mondays!
Weight: 182.5 lbs.
Yesterday I cooked with oil and everything I had to do actually went extremely well. I successfully tackling some major work issues, grocery shopped, and had the best doctor appointment I’ve had in years. I remain so glad that I switched to this doctor, and find her and her office so user friendly and approachable compared to where I used to go.
In fact, I now find myself actually looking forward to the stress echo that she ordered for me. I did tell her about my intermittent chest pains, and how I have largely learned to ignore these when they come on as I have had them on and off for at least 5 years now. Until I met an old co-worker who had the exact same symptoms, and ended up needing emergency quadruple bypass as he was like 80% blocked. He said that just like mine, his symptoms were generally mild and transient, and he paid them little heed over several years time.
Anyway, I did tell her that after one of the first episodes many years ago, I tried to have a stress test but failed when they were unable to get the IV in me at the cardiologist’s office. After several punctures and phlebotomists and even the doctor himself giving it a shot, we all probably concluded that it would be better for me to croak from a coronary itself than to go through this hell!
But, just as I so hoped, Dr. B. said that it is unnecessary that I be injected with dye, and that the type of test she is sending me for is just as good at looking at things without it as one with dye. I asked why no one had suggested this before, and she rolled her eyes and implied that not everyone is as aware or proactive, or something. So, now I am scheduled for this next Monday, and actually welcoming the opportunity to hopefully lay this issue to rest once and for all. Its time I know what gives.
Also, we discussed my blood work, and mostly she was very impressed at how good mine all is. She said that my good cholestrol, at 70, is extraordinary, and likely has a protective effect on the heart when it gets this high. I am glad to hear this, especially now! My heart needs all the protection it can get from the killer stress in my life!
And as to the potassium level being high, she is not concerned as all my other values are so good and I am not symptomatic for anything this may be indicative of. She is assuming that this was related to how they processed or took my blood or something - and as far as I am concerned, if I don’t have to have a redo anytime soon, I am fine with this theory!!
We also discussed my PCOS and adrenal hyperplasia, and she recommended a place where I could go for laser treatments on the Saddam Hussein look I tend to sport if I miss a tweezing. We discussed various aspects of this, and I must say, I have never had such a talk like this with any previous doctor and I am very grateful for her attention to the matter. Also, she wrote me an antibiotic that I can take prn for the absess like growths I seem prone to as a result also of my PCOS, and for the first time, I feel that I understand this condition better. She even gave me some info. I can look up on line to understand even more.
So, the moral of the story is that I am pleased to have found my doctor’s appointment a thing of liberation, connection and enlightenment, rather than dread as usual. This gives me hope of all kinds, and I now look forward to working with someone I feel understands me and my conditions, and who is in my corner.
Wow - what a concept!! Especially lately!!
Weight: 184.9 lbs.
Well, I finally got my blood work results and I think I may live! Actually, at this rate, my insides are doing far better than my creaky outsides. It seems that my extra vitamin “D” and iron supplementation (thank you, Celebrate products, my chosen and trusty brand of bariatric vitamins!!) may be helping raise what were lower levels from 8/30/10 when I last was tested.
Here’s the scoop:
My D” went up to 40, from 33.
My ferritin went up to 21 from 14. Still not great, but heading in the right direction.
My fasting glucose is 88, cholestrol 161 (was 167), HDL 70 (was 66), LDL 78 (was 87) and triglycerides 64 (were 69). All of this is surprising especially since I clearly ate more sweets and crap in the last few months than I had before my last levels were drawn. I wonder why this didn’t register?
Everything else was good too, except for my potassium level which was high at 5.9 (range is 3.5-5.3). I have no idea what this may mean and it was never high before…but I will google it when I get a minute and see what I can learn. Perhaps I am eating too many bananas…not!
Tom just got his blood work results back too, and is also a case of being squeaky on the inside and rusty and worn out on the outside. He continues to await news on what the MRI might reveal is wrong with his ankle, and limps occassionally and especially if he is stubborn and walks too much or doesn’t follow protocol to care for himself properly. Which is most of the time.
We also continue to look for a snowblower and this is taxing physically and mentally. I am getting very confused about who we have called and which brand is what, and when we get calls back on our answering machine, we can never remember which one it is for and where we stand with it. I secretly (or not so secretly!) wish Tom would take the helm on this as I am too weary and taxed for time to be doing most of the looking on line or in the papers, organizing of info., and even phone calls or letters to the people selling. I really have no idea about anything snowblower, nor do I care to, and am about to throw in the towel on the whole thing if he doesn’t land one soon. Or just shovel everything myself as it has got to be LESS taxing than the quest for a blower, at this rate!
And might even burn off some frustration and calories! And clearly I continue to need to do both.
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March 22nd, 2011 | 
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