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Weight: 203.1 lbs.
…makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
But not a woman, apparently! I seem to be going to bed earlier and earlier every day, and now am pretty much on Tom’s bus driving schedule. I don’t really want to be, I just find myself exhausted emotionally and physically by about 9:00 every night, and then, because I guess that I’ve slept enough hours already, I pop up at about 5:00 every morning. This is usually a little after Tom’s alarm, but well before I otherwise need to be up for my job.
The good news, is that I then can blog, work out, do breakfast and ready myself for work, more leisurely. Except that I did the same thing on both days of the weekend, and had no reson or need to. But, I suppose it gets me started on the right foot, and I seem to be most efficient in the early morning hours. I believe that I am nearing that time of the month (wink, wink), when my sleep patterns also tend to get even more messed up, as do my emotions, back, tummy and perspective. If this blog starts deteriorating into tearful, sentimental babble, at least you’ll have a heads up.
As to my weight, I am glad to have registered another loss, and this reminds me once again that things are still able to work as they should if I continue my part of things. I stuck with “the program” yesterday, although I do admit that I reintroduced peanuts into my diet, as I had been missing my daily nut time, and just had to have some. I noticed that I felt full on them much quicker than before, and was satisfied with far fewer than I used to nibble. In addition to nuts, I ate tuna, a cheese stick, my eggy breakfast, and a strawberry shake made of protein powder and crystal light. I also had a few teaspoons of this wierd, natural peanut butter, that is made with cayenne and other hot spices, so as to have earned it the title of fiery butter. For some reason, I had a hankering for this, and every once in a while just love to eat a little with a spoon. Maybe this wasn’t the smartest choice on a day that I already had nuts, but I did have just a wee bit, and it satisfied me all night.
So, today is back to the grind and I feel sorely unprepared emotionally…but am at least off to an early start.
And although I may have the “healthy” part in better control, I am still waiting for the wealthy and wise part, though!
Weight: 203.8 lbs.
I am surprisingly chagrined and depressed that I didn’t lose again today, and wish it didn’t effect how I feel about things so much. But, it does. I think it is because I am so worried that I will go back into endless hover mode or whatever, and once again, will fall back in every way as a result. I know that I ate pretty well by my new standards yesterday, and resisted a lot of what surrounded me. We went to an afternoon long raffle thing at Tom’s church, where for the price of admission, you got pizza, nachos, and pretzels and chips that sat on every table. Tom ate all 4 slices of pizza (this included mine two), and both containers of munchies. I ate 2 diet cheese sticks that I had brought to tide me over. And drank the decaf we picked up along the way. He had pop, beer, and a taste of wine (all included).
Then in the evening, we went to see the movie “Avatar” (in 3d), and everyone sitting near us seemed to be eating gallons of movie popcorn, such that my cells could taste it by osmosis. I never wanted it so badly in my life! I think that just becasue I know I “can’t”, that this is starting to play on me emotionally, and once again, I am feeling a little snarkly about food, and a tad deprived and sorry for myself. I hate, hate, hate this, and even admitting to this, but alas, it is true and real and I can’t just ignore it.
I did have the leftover chicken teriyaki dish from Saturday’s dinner, but ate as little of the rice except for the pieces stuck to the meat and veggies, that I could. I also had 2 small scrambled eggs with cheese for breakfast, and 5 slices of lean turkey cold cuts for dinner. That is all, all day. I am hoping that the sodium from the cold cuts (Hormel) or something is what has stalled me, or perhaps after having a banner week, it is too much to expect to keep losing every day.
Well, there is no choice but to move forward anyway, and combat the regret and cravings monsters. Because quite frankly I have lots, because I surely could be farther along and doing better mentally and physically right now, if I had started off on this better track right off. I realize that it is not too late, but must be honest that I am sad that I wasn’t indoctrinated well from the beginning, and do wonder if it is just me with a blind spot, or if the supposed center of excellence that I used, just doesn’t invest enough in the guidance process. I mean, other than the one mandatory “nutrition” class that you attend with everyone else due to have surgery momentarily like yourself, there is no teaching or emphasis on this aspect of things. There is supposedly a nutritionalist in the wings, but when I tried to use her, although very nice, she is largely free only by phone, and for brief questions and the like. I believe that she simply consults to their program and it not housed there. So, other than by becoming a devotee of their support group, which in all fairness does meet bi-weekly, little is said about eating itself. Perhaps they expect everyone to attend the support meetings, embrace the recipes shared there, and learn from one another and whatever the topic is that week. But I do know that for me and my thick skull, such a group process is not my venue of choice, nor does it provide me the comprehensive, more personalized attention and understanding that I need. I have to wonder if others are struggling similarily, as a result. Or again, if I am just denser than most. Or in more denial. Or whatever.
Well, it is what it is, I am what I am, and I have choices and opportunities yet, every day forward. So, with this in mind, I must continue on and use what I NOW know, and choose to make tomorrow better. Right??!!
Weight: 203.7 lbs.
I am sooo happy that I lost some more, not just because I am now down the 101 lbs. that makes this go around the highest loss in my life, but more importantly, for the psychological boost and confidence that it affords me at this fragile time. I am learning the concepts of cause and effect…a little late, I might add. But, this is something I neglected to appreciate my first time around the bariatric track, so I am making up for some lost time and desperately needing to see this work in a predictable manner. Last night, I got on obesityhelp and read some old posts to catch myself up. (I often lurk, but rarely write). I saw a post about a “calculator” in which you type in your pre-surgery weight, height and percentage of excess weight you hope to lose, and it graphs out, month by month, your exact weight, weight loss, and final weight after 18 months. Many wrote that they were heartened by this, as they were able to type in things like 90%, 95% and even 100%, and they discovered that they were losing right on track for such results. Well, not surprisingly, but dishearteningly none the less, I can only put in like 65%, or the graph shows that I am sorely off track. In fact, to be closer to 90 or 95% even, I believe that I’d have had to have already lost into the 160’s by now. I forget the exact figures, but clearly I am well behind others as I have always suspected, although I am supposedly the exact average at 65%. Small solace, however.
But, I am hoping that I may possibly pick up some speed now, and maybe even tweak myself up to 70% or more before my months “run out.” Perhaps I will be a late bloomer in this, as I have been every other way in my life. And, I must remind myself that there is really no time equation for what is supposed to be a lifelong journey and not a race. Sounds comforting to me…!
As to my diiet and my dinner out yesterday, here’s the scoop. First off, I must say that two friends and Tom and I had a lovely day driving to Lake Erie and taking in the sights. It was a sparkling clear day and “warm” at about 40 degrees, and the perfect day to meander and enjoy. We arrived at 2:00 to see the cottage on the lake that we were thinking of renting, and I was heartened when the female owner immediately said that she recognized me, and didn’t I work for “UCPA?” Turns out that she was a nurse in the very clinic that I still work in, and we have much in common. Quite cool! Although how she managed to retire into a beautiful lake front home with a rental next door, and I am living in a ranch in Tonawanda, is a disconcerting reality!
However, knowing her helped pave the way, along with the beauty of the site and cottage itself, for our decision to put in a deposit. I am very psyched, and cannot wait for the peace of the surroundings to overtake me come July! What is most relevent here, is the stairs. Oh, the many, many stairs at a steep incline, leading down the embankment to the beach and lake. The stairs that I never could have taken just last year, and that would have been a deal breaker. The stairs that I now actually look forward to walking every day in lieu of access to our basement’s equipment. Although I didn’t have proper winter shoes to walk them yesterday as Tom and Janet did, I can already appreciate how dragging rafts and the likes up and down them will be quite the workout. And don’t care! Everyone agreed that the old me could never have made it, and rather than feeling insulted, I am pleased at the implications that this is no longer so. And that there is a whole world of opportunity for me that just a year ago, the doors were closed on. And I can get back to my “roots” in which nature and outdoors opportunities and not just things like the casino, are included. This brings tears to my eyes!
So, full of joy from this awareness, I made every attempt to choose carefully from the huge menu at “Aunt Millies” diner, where we chose to eat on the trek home. This is a well known restaurant with wonderful homeade breads and desserts, in particular, and very fairly priced and huge portioned meals. And one of my favorite places for all of the above reasons.
But, I only focused on healthy choices, or so I thought, and narrowed it down to the chicken souvlaki, or the chicken stir fry. I chose the later, not thinking there would be rice involved, or what the sauce might consist of. And was upset to see lots of white rice, and notice a sweet and liberally portioned amount of non descript sauce covering everything. I ate a small amount of the tasty meal, and boxed up the rest, but with guilt and heavy heart. When I asked the waitress what the sauce consists of, she said teriyaki sauce, which really means nothing to non-cooking me. But, I did look it up on-line last night, and think that I was relieved to see that it isn’t as bad sugar, carb or calorie wise as I feared, or as it tastes that it might be. So, I didn’t blow it as I feared I may have, and I think that I can safely enjoy the leftovers, in moderation, of course. And, the fact that I lost some more, tells me that it couldn’t have been too bad…right?
Otherwise, all I ate yesterday was a protein shake for breakfast, two cheese sticks, and a diet yogurt. So, no matter what, this is less than usual, and still better choices. I do wonder about the low fat yogurt though, and how eating this can be ok. It has several grams of sugar and carbs, despite its low calorie count (120 for 8 oz.) and low fat status. How come the sugar content doesn’t ruin everything for the pouch test??
Well…I am off to continue trying to stay on track today, and for now, will take it a day and perhaps an hour at a time. And keep reminding myself of the true goal and purpose here, the joy of rediscovering old opportunities, and of the best that’s yet to come!!
Weight: 204.3 lbs.
OK - I know that there really isn’t a day six of the pouch test. But, it went so well and I lost so much more than I could have imagined, that I am thinking of stretching it out. To last a lifetime! The concept is that this is the (re)beginning of my journey, and I must adopt the mentality that just because I technically finished the 5 day test, this doesn’t mean that I am “done.”
So…I am off for challenges such as a dinner on the road today, and do plan to choose carefully. I am shocked at how full I can now feel much more quickly than before, and am actually puzzled by this concept. Did my pouch shrink back down? Is it an illusion or like the placebo effect? Or am I just much more mindful of the signals it is sending, now that I have resensitized myself to this?
Yesterday for instance, I made 3 scrambled eggs for breakfast, with some cheese in them. I could literally only eat less than half of it all before I felt that I might puke. I put the rest in a small container, and ate them at my desk at work. Along with a cheese stick and a low fat yogurt, as the day progressed. For dinner, I had looked forward to the chicken liver I had bought earlier this week to celebrate my fifth day with. I made them up with some onions, and could only eat a little before I was stuffed. Later, I did eat some more, but actually must have overdid it, because I was still so full by bed time that I felt uncomfortable and sick. I am still struggling some with the concept and feeling of full, and clearly exceeded it with my second round of liver, but am still amazed at how quickly this now occurs and how much stronger the signals are. Where have I been all my post bariatric life??
So, I truly can’t say enough for the pouch test and the new hope that it has infused me with. The fact that I have lost as much as I have is very heartening to me as well, and in case anyone else has not noticed, I will also spell it out. Today I reached my 100th pound!!!! A week ago, I had practically given up all hope that I would get here at all. My next goal is 101, as this will represent the largest weight loss in my adult life. Then, to under 200. Then, to under Tom’s current weight of 198.
Fortunately, none of these numbers are far off, and there is actually hope now that I am on a roll again, that I will reach them some time this millenium! It is so interesting to see that I CAN indeed lose, and that clearly a carb and portion restricted diet is the key. I was obviously off track in both ways before, and THIS no doubt, largely led to my slow progress. This is the first time that I now feel that I have the means to control this process and the outcome, as before it seemed to be beyond me in many ways, and my stalls and hovers felt inexplicable at times. It is so good to see that in fact my pouch ain’t broken, and neither am I!
So, with only some mild trepidation, I am off to live out day 6 and beyond, and see how I fare under less restrictive circumstances except those that I continue to impose on myself now that I know I can and still be satisfied. Woo Hoo to that!!
Weight: 205.5 lbs.
Wow, I made it! The key now though is to not look at this as a marathon that I won and am done with, and resume old bad habits unthinkingly afterwards. I am a little worried because tomorrow we are traveling about 90 minutes away with two friends to visit a lake front cottage that Tom and I are thinking of renting for a week this summer. We will be gone and acting as tourists all day, and plan to eat out somewhere different and nice in the Chatauqua Lake area while at it. It will be my first and biggest test since the pouch test, and I will have to remain on my better game or risk reintroducing old ways right off the bat.
Overall, this is my fear, despite the fact that currently I do feel better balanced physically and emotionally, and more in touch with my pouch. It’s the damn head stuff that I worry about, and the nagging voices within that simply SEE food, and want it. And that still miss the comfort and pleasure of a good nibble fest. I imagine that for someone without a weight problem, this would be like asking them to refrain from anything but celery sticks or something, during the super bowl. I know that even “normal” eaters look forward to being surrounded by fatty and yummy “bad” snacks of all kinds during times of leisure as a means of entertaining or stress relief, and I would guess that even moderate eaters would mourn if not able to imbide on a variety of things of their choosing during such social or entertaining events, especially. Well, my worst times seem to be after work and when trying to capture the ultimate in relaxation and stress relief. This is when I can think of nothing better than a good movie or show, and some nuts or other crunchies that I can mindlessly nibble to enhance my aesthetic experience and wash the day off of me. I look forward to such times and wonder how I would fare if deprived. Clearly I need to find alternative ways of relaxing, or more acceptable munchies, especially during the Buffalo winter when there are few other options but to vegetate. I am at a loss nor am sure that I want to do anything different or more strenous, just yet. I must be mindful that I remain very vulnerable to old habits at these times, and try harder to make better choices in the face of it. I am desperately hoping for a pouch advantage to help more this time around, and perhaps the lessons learned from the pouch test will give me the added boost I need.
Last night, I was very stupid to hunker down to the Food Channels show called Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. I love this show, and recently, a few restaurants from Buffalo have been spotlighted. I am trying to find the recent episode in which our Duff’s restaurant was showcased. Anyway, I have dvr’d several episodes, and decided to watch these last night. And felt a desire for every bad food known during it, as I watched others eating delicacies of all kinds from diners all over the country. I remained “good” and drank a protein shake with cinnamon, a spoon of peanut butter and a scoop of cottage cheese in it instead of the burger and fries my head wanted, and was physically satisfied, at least. I think I will need to be more mindful of my exposure to such shows, at least while I am still on somewhat shaky ground.
Yesterday I also ate a broiled fish square (Gortons) for dinner, and another scoop of cottage cheese earler in the day. I also had two low fat cheese sticks, and 2 scrambled eggs with a little cheese for breakfast. Oh, and a diet yogurt at my desk. That is all. I am not very creative and was having trouble knowing what the fourth day’s diet should exactly consist of, so hopefully I did alright by it. Today I will have eggs for breakfast, and plan on chicken livers for dinner. And, probably more cheese sticks, perhaps low fat cottage cheese again, and another shake or two. Any other ideas are welcome. I believe that I am allowed relatively “normal” proteins, but we really don’t have much in the house right now anyway, so I am not sure what I can eat. On day three I had a half can of tuna for one of my meals, and could always do this again too if I “must.”
So, there you have it - my five days of pouchiness, my mindset, my hopes, my fears. Stay tuned to see where this takes me…and for those of you doing the same or on a weight loss journey of any type, be good, and best of resolve and health to you too!!
Weight: 206.4 lbs.
Hey, this thing seems to be working! I am finding myself less hungry, more focused, getting full quicker, and LOSING! It is so heartening to be seeing my weight drop, and not rebounding again, that I could cry. It has been a very long time since I lost like this, and I am so hoping that it isn’t like before where as soon as I eat or drink even a wee bit more, it’ll go back up or something. I have actually begun looking forward to my morning weigh-ins again, and I can hardly remember when this was last so.
As importantly, this has infused me with a sense of hope that my pouch is indeed intact, and that perhaps I can do this. My appetite has dropped, as have my fantasies over food. I am not restlessly munching and grazing as I was before, and I haven’t had any hypoglycemic episodes either. I guess that this is showing me that I was in fact eating too many carbs and poorly before, as by comparison, I feel much better on all accounts now. I’d like to think that this is a cleansing and detoxifying process as well, as I feel “lighter” and bouncier (for lack of a better word!).
Interestingly, when I finally could eat yesterday morning, and after having looked forward to eggs for two days, I prepared three soft boiled ones, nearly forgot them on the stove, and then settled down to eat them despite no longer really caring as I had anticipated. Visually, they looked like the tiniest bowl of sustenance, and I initially felt that even three could hardly be enough. But, I slurped a few spoonfuls and was shockingly full in few minutes, and left the rest! I don’t think that I have done such a thing even right off the operating table! This is unheard of for me, and I am myself stymied by the difference…and only hope that it continues.
I think that I am realizing that I have great difficulty differentiating hunger from every other emotion, and in registering satiety. Even now, “full” is only a somewhat vague sensation rather than a “god, I’m stuffed or in pain” feeling, but I think that I am trying much harder to tune into this channel, and react properly to it. I am now realizing that I likely was not doing this before, and only noticing “full” when the volumn was turned up full blast - ie: I was stuffed. Plus, I now think that I was eating for reasons other than true hunger, and blurring the lines so much that like before surgery, visual, emotional or olfactory cues were driving me to eat rather than internal ones, such as hunger itself.
So…I am hopeful that armed with these new awarenesses and working to make better distinctions, combined with a biological shift or edge that this “test” seems to be affording me, that I hopefully can get back on better track. The key, of course, will be in staying there. I keep thinking of a time, back in 1994, when I developed a mysterious case of encephalitis, and was hospitalized for a week and in a coma for the first few days. I was quite altered and brain damaged afterwards for some time, and it took me months to regain my “normal” ability to think, perceive things, process information and the like. What is relevent here, is that my sense of hunger and appetite was also effected, and while recovering, for instance, all I wanted to eat for some strange reason, was cream of mushroom soup. Meal after meal. And I needed others to make it for me, as I had coordination and sensory difficulties that made this difficult at first.
Anyway, I had an awareness, even then, that I had a window of opportunity in which to experiment with new eating habits and break myself of old. I was profoundly unhungry, unmotivated by food, and whatever compulsions I had lived with regarding food, seemed to be gone. Perhaps the part of the brain that stimulates these feelings, had been damaged or altered by the encephalitis.
Unfortunately, I consciously and knowingly choose to resume my previous bad habits regarding food, and can remember the moment with clarity, when I nearly forced myself to eat more and worse foods than I wanted, even though I realized that this would likely put me right back on this track. And I did it anyway, even while realizing that the window of opportunity was rare and precious, and perhaps an amazing chance to reinvent myself.
The moral of the story is that I was knowingly “stupid” then, and I fear the same, now. The brain can be mightier than the stomach, and I’d love to be one of those optimistic, “I’m never going to eat like that again” type people, but unfortunately, I guess that I am not. Whether I am a realist or a pessimist is yet to be seen, but whatever it is called, I will remain tuned into my inner voices about such things, and continue to try and do my best to flush them out and stomp them, when necessary. And, no doubt, with your help!
Weight: 206.9 lbs.
Alright, this isn’t funny anymore! I’m going to write this fast so I can go eat a soft egg or fifty. Yesterday at work I was sure that I wasn’t going to make it, and each time I opened my “munchie” drawer to grab a drink or the makings of a shake, I was sure I couldn’t resist the peanuts and other stuff stashed in there too. Actually, it is probably a good thing that I was crazy busy and didn’t have time to think or munch, as I might have dove in. Instead, I had brought a thermos of frozen shake (strawberry with fruity crystal light) and drank this through the day, and then ran to the community fridge for my skim milk, and later made a cup of cinnamon bun flavored shake from a single serve packet of fusion shakes.
The stuff I brought was comical to try and get out of the thermos, as I think I had added too much ice and it had congealed in the container, and was hard to pour and even harder to dig out. This must have burned several calories right there. And precious time.
The packet ‘o shake went better and mixed smoothly even without the benefit of a blender. It was tasty too.
But, on the drive home, I felt very depressed about getting home late and weary, and not having the solace of a nice dinner to look forward to. I did have the remainder of yesterdays cream of chicken (fat free, but high sodium) soup, which was a lot since I only had sips of it yesterday. It did help with both body and head hunger some, but if I could have traded it for something solid and crunchy and filling, I surely would have. This really is torturous and there is part of me that thinks that someone with a mean streak must have been who came up with this pouch test thing.
But, trudging on, in the evening, I made a chocolate shake as dessert for my soup dinner, and finally blended it to the right texture, and ate it with a spoon so that it felt more like food than a liquid. My previous shakes I attempted this with, but they had the consistency of slush, and weren’t as fun to eat.
Now I am so excited about an egg, and perhaps some cottage cheese and other “delicacies” later, I could shriek with joy. So, let me get of this @#8*! computer and go whip something mushy and satisfying up for breakfast before I eat my keyboard!
Weight: 207.6 lbs.
This is the first day in ages that I actually awoke and looked forward to weighing myself. I just knew that I had lost - although given how often I had to literally run off and pee yesterday, I expect that most of this is water weight.
And, I did survive my first foodless day, although I have to wonder whether chewing off my nails counts for anything. By mid- day I was quite hungry, and had I recently borne live young, I’m sure that I would have eaten them.
But, I was quite disciplined and stuck to so many shakes, crystal lights and just a wee bit of broth, that I managed to quell some of my appetite by evening, and not attack Tom when he ate dinner in front of me at 6:00. Although he merely had leftovers, my head still told me that they were superior to shakes, and it took some will power not to wrestle them from his pudgy hands.
Do i sound ornery? I am feeling a little peckish…wish I could report that I’ve been miraculously transformed into a satisfied, carb free, losing wonder full of sweetness and light, but I was trained to never tell a lie. Hence, I must admit that I am feeling rather deprived and sorry for myself, and somewhat surprised by this as I had expected it to be easier and my attitude to be better. God, this makes me wonder all over again how people, especially food addicts, go on doctor mandated pre-surgical diets at all. Consisting mostly of these damned shakes, mind you! If this describes you, you now have my undying respect and admiration for every minute you succeed at such a task!
Sigh…one more day of this stage to go, and it should bring me to even newer and more exciting revelations when I do this during todays long work day. Hopefully I won’t fantasize about food during actual counseling sessions, or imagine myself nibbling on whatever poor souls have the misfortunate of having me as their counselor today.
But, the heartening news is that the losing has begun, and there are now just 4 days left to go before I supposedly no longer care about food as I clearly now do.
…something about absence making the heart grow fonder, I think.
Weight: 211 lbs.(!)
God I need to do this pouch test! Look how my weight went up since yesterday! I can’t be treusted around carbs anymore, and yesterday I had a relatively carby and late dinner that threw everything off. I had a chicken cutlet and a half and a salad for dinner, and then 2 bowls of popcorn (with very hot sauce, ouch!) for snack. I have been craving such a bad, slider food, and figured on eating my fill before doing the pouch test today. This is a very bad mentality, but knowing myself, just what I feared, and figured on.
Also yesterday was the a.m. brunch, and I had too much of everything - omelet, sausage, toast with ff spreads, even some grapes. I didn’t eat any of the danish I made for others….UNTIL the afternoon when the leftovers called to me. Yak - usually I am good about ignoring such blatantly bad things, but I seriously believe that since I was thinking that I could wash away my sins today, that I may as well yesterday. This is a very bad thought processes, conscious enough so that I am in touch with it, yet hard to stop. Counselor heal thyself, indeed!
So, the morale is about how badly I need to do this “test” right and reset myself and learn from it. I did spend a significant amount of time reading everything I could on it, starting here under “pouch test”, and moving on to obesityhelp and other sites. I believe that I am decently psyched and ready, and have 2 flavors of shakes out and ready to blenderize at a moments notice. I expect that today won’t be as challenging as tomorrow, when I not only return to work, but work into the evening, and have many clients back to back, which makes slurping or blenderizing anything a difficult prosepect. But, I will figure something out, perhaps using a thermos for prebelnderized stuff, if this isn’t too gross, as Debra suggests.
Then, on Wednesday, I am figuring that I can eat pouches of tuna and such at my desk quite quickly…and etc. for the remaining days. Any additional suggestions are welcome here. I need “finger” type foods that require minimal “opening”, preparing, or fuss. And, can be kept fresh and cool in an insulated bag, or small cooler.
I also hope to kick up my workouts a notch, well, today, at least.
So, I do feel quite ready for the challenge ahead, and my mouth is already watering for a shake.
It should be interesting to see if I feel the same tomorrow….
Weight: 209.3 lbs.
We had such a fun time with our friends yesterday that I feel as if I have managed to clean my palate of the bad taste from work, and am less stressed and grumpy today as a result. However, fun comes with a price, and this included what we lost at both Bingo and slots, and that although I haven’t yet registered a weight gain from eating out at Old Country Buffet, their food is still floating around in me somewhere. (I am actually quite surprised that I lost, instead!)Although I didn’t stray too horribly, it was still more food than usual, and my relatively healthy meal of fish and steak, was followed up with some ice cream, and a little cappuchino. Both are are huge weakness of mine, and I couldn’t resist the temptation of trying some cappuchino from their newly installed machine that dispenses various flavors. I may as well have sucked on a sugar cube!
And, in addition to this, I was the first to tear in to Rick’s bag o’ popcorn at Slots, eating it as if I hadn’t just had dinner an hour earlier. Bingo gives me the munchies I guess - you know, all the anticipation and excitement and frenzy that it can be. Not that any of my cards were ever even remotely close to winning!
In good news for our friends though, Barb did win, although she had to split her $75 jackpot with another winner. We were all excited and happy for her, and this must have truly been beginners luck as they haven’t been to bingo in years, and never before to Canadian bingo.
In other news, we are talking about going to the clothing swap and open house that our bariatric center is having in two weekends from now. It would be fun to go together with them, and they are open to the public so Barb and Rick would be welcome to participate. I look forward to the opportunity to possibly trade some grandma clothes for those more in keeping with my new size and style, and just seeing whatever else the center has to offer as they are supposedly under new management now. I am wondering if they have replaced any of the staff I have had troubles with , and am secretly hoping so. The posting said that they did have new people on board, and I am eager to see what they are like.
Well, soon our other friends are due over for brunch. The menu will consist of bacon, eggs with all the fixin’s, sausages, bagels that Debbie is bringing, various spreads, and danish we must bake first. I plan to steer clear of at least the latter, and hopefully, the bagels too. I remain hopeful that tomorrow’s pouch test beginnings will be just what the doctor ordered, and it will set me back on track. I will have to see that I have everything I need to be successful, so later today, I will look into all this more and shop if I must.
So, today is the last day of “normal” eating for a bit, and hopefully my awareness of this won’t get me eating more as I did before surgery when I felt the immenence of surgery and the end of eating as I then knew it. This was a terrible design flaw, and since I was not amongst the many who were expected to diet and lose beforehand, I went hog wild right up until the day they cut me open. I went into this with all the wrong ideas and attitudes, and would like to say that I have learned something about both myself and the dangers of this mentality, by now. Except, I’m not really convinced that I have.
So…both the rest of today and this week should be especially interesting, and even I look forward to seeing where this all takes me. Unfortunately, fast forwarding is not allowed, and I guess I have no choice but to take it all day by day and minute by minute, and do my best to follow all the “rules” as I think I know them.
…and we all know how good I am at that! NOT!
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March 9th, 2010 | 
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