Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 185.1 lbs.

There is too much that I could fill in after “I can’t believe….”,  including: that I ate as much as I did on Easter. Ham and lamb and yam(s). And plenty of other foods that didn’t rhyme as well but tasted very good. Including Lebanese delicacies like kibbee, and American desserts like carrot cake. Nearly 2 lbs. worth, apparently!

I also was thrilled and couldn’t believe that I got to see all three of my cousins in one sitting. That they looked as good as they did (which you can see for yourselves below).And that although I have gained some weight back, that it doesn’t (yet) show (I hope!)…although no doubt it will if I keep it up. And that I gained as much as I did in one day in the first place, although I should be used to this to some degree by now. Unfortunately.

 These two shots I took a few days ago and have nothing to do with anything more other than Tom sleeping with the cat. And I thought that they were cute!

I also can’t believe that I forgot to take a single picture of Tom or I on Easter, such that you get to see my lovely cousins in all their glory, and none of us. Which actually may be a freudian slip up and a good thing! Although, of course, I will feel compelled to take some final shots of my bariatric status before Thursday, so I can give final testimony to the concepts of before and after. Or at least, before and currently.

I also can’t believe that this is one of my last days to blog here. Although I called my brother to wish him a Happy Easter, and we ended up discussing what it would mean when my site goes dark. Including that the library of pictures that I have behind the scenes here would be lost, as would anyone’s ability to access this site whatsoever. Including mine.

So…we decided to buy another year from the server, lest everything be gone by the end of the month and before I am prepared to say a total goodbye in every way. This will allow me to keep the site up until I have backed stuff up, and until I am truly ready to let it all go. Which surprisingly I am not yet ready to do, and would like to reserve the option to keep it here in case I want to post a stray message every now and again, or visit old postings. Sometimes I even have delusions that I may turn what I have written into some sort of book, and I would need access if this were so. Whatever the case, I can’t just see this all going away so soon, and before I am truly ready to say goodbye. Who would have thought that I’d become this attached….

It feels like I have developed somewhat of a love/hate relationship with this site and with the act of blogging. I think I may feel lonely and shiftless when I stop writing every day. Despite my complaints, I have become attached to putting myself out there, and with the connections I have made with both nameless, faceless people, and with those that I know are reading. Barb, Janet, Debbie, Paulette, sometimes Jane, Kenny, Sue. Lest this sound like Romper Room, I won’t list everyone I either know or suspect reads here. But I will say that I will miss saying “hi” to everyone, and to knowing that we stay connected through this site. Sort of. Well, at least they with Tom and I. We will now need to make more of an effort to do so other ways.Like normal, non-blogging people, I suppose. Who don’t rely on facebook to stay connected, either! For some this will be easy, and for others it will mean going back to old fashioned ways of communicating that may or may not work as well. But allow for more reciprocity, which is a good thing.

And the fact is, that unless I explicitely say so, no one will know the intimate details of my bariatric journey, and how I am doing weight and diet wise. Although those closest to me will continue to know everything as they both will be able to see and judge for themselves as we get together often, and because I am a huge rat on myself, and couldn’t possibly keep secrets, even if I tried. For good or bad.

But the rest of you will be left to only wonder whether I continue to fight myself, struggle through good times and bad and stress and calm to remain on track, and end up on next season’s Biggest Loser ’cause I didn’t/couldn’t do it this way. Apparently like many others before me….

And although stupid at times, I remain determined that neither hearing from or seeing my daily weights here won’t allow me to take liberties I haven’t when I know that you’ve been watching, and won’t send me further out on the dangerous limb I am already stuck on.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!!!