Necessary Mutilation

Weight: Whistling by the graveyard

Ah, Monday. Back to work today. I have added this on to make up for the fact that we are closed on Thursday and Friday. And I have many people to counsel and much to do.

Although still probably less than at home. Yesterday went well, as we had two groups of company through the day. First came Dort and Debbie, although they didn’t stay too long. I pulled out the pepperoni platter and the Christmas cookies, and we gabbed.

Then came Zoe and Dennis, and we first ate out, and then I pulled (back) out the tray o’ Christmas cookies, and we gabbed.

And I ate some both times. Along with many cups of coffee, and a huge bowl of chili at Max’s restaurant.

But, ’tis still the season, and I am enjoying and savoring every bit of it. (Except for the niggling regret, anxiety over weighing, and guilt).

On the other hand, I continue to feel some relief on week and work days when social obligations subside for the moment, and I can get back to somewhat of an eating and functioning rhythm. Not that I’m a saint when left to my own devices, or anything, but at least I am a little less tempted and exposed.

So, the best place for me today is with clients and co-workers and in the confines of my office. And if I can steer clear from the nuts and other “goodies” in my drawers, and the leftovers in the fridge, I may just hold my own until the next social onslaught!

Weight: ?????

Ah…I just got out of a hot shower with water supplied by our new water tank, and with the new shower hose we bought yesterday after our old one also bit the dust in a flood of breakage. I guess the seam burst all over Tom when he was using it to clean the tub. This was and was not funny of course…but in any event, the end result was a nice, new, adjustable shower head that took showering to a whole new level of ecstasy this morning.

So, now I am refreshed (except for the perpetual, Spice induced sleep deprivation!) and rarin’ to go. The seond load of laundry is already in, I have my morning cup of joe, and I’m off and running. It is 6:15 on a Sunday. I am insane.

But, there is lots to do before Dort and Debbie stop by when they get back in town after staying in Canada last night when they travelled to Toronto to see a play. The tentative plan is that they will stop by here for some coffee before Dorothy heads back to her home town of Rochester.

Then, Zoe and Dennis are due over later for our Christmas gathering and gift exchange. And more eating/drinking/socializing.

Rather like we did yesterday with Rose and Nancy. We had a wonderful time schmoozing and hanging, and a great dinner at P.F. Changs. Tom and I split a pre-fixe’ dinner deal, that can with soup, appetizer, 2 main dishes and then a small dessert. It was all delicious, and as usual, I ate more than I should have. Including the leftovers when we got home late last night as for some reason, I was starving. Which means that all told I ate like 9 million chinese calories, and once again, can’t bear to see the results of my stupidity on the scale.

What I did see was a preview of the Suze Orman show in which she was denying someone a $30,000 gastric bypass because she felt that at 24 years old, they didn’t have enough to pay for it safely. But, what she also did, was interview Jillian from the Biggest Loser, who said something about how many of their contestants have had gastric bypass and gained the weight back, only to go on their show later in an attempt to lose it all over again their way.

Ack!! As I ate my chinese leftovers.

Double Ack!

It really, really, really needs to be the new year already…!! (Or my 2010 head needs to move forward before the calendar and my resolve does!!!)

Weight: Denial

….all over our basement floor.

Just as I was soaping up in the tub early yesterday morning and realized the water was icy, Tom yelled up to me that the water tank had “blown.” As in let loose/broken/rusted out/erupted or spontaneously emptied itself. Into the carpeting, furniture and tiles of our partially finished basement. As in “how am I supposed to rinse off and wash my hair, now?!”

I guess that there was enough left for Tom to turn the tank back on and allow us both to quickly scrub up…then turn it back off so the remainder didn’t continue to flood the basement.

Then the real work began as Tom left for his job, and I called 9,000 plumbers and learned a thing or two about everything water heaters.

And finally made the best deal with someone our friend Janet recommended who was fairly priced by comparison, AND as importantly, could come “right out” and replace it.

Which he did and did well, and we were so grateful. Except that this then allowed us to go on with our day ‘o gambling, leaving us to lose the equivalent of another water heater. But at least we got the “free” buffet and party trays!

And so now, I have the regret of losing money and (still) overeating, and weight gain that I am sure of but can’t bear to see numbers yet to confirm. And an early morning headache to remind me that we stayed out too late, ate too much, and added more stress to an already crazy and expensive day.

And like I said before, I am going to have fun even if it kills me. And I think that it just may be…!

And I can’t believe I am saying this, but thank god I go back to work today!

Weight: 184.6 lbs.

I am off today and taking staying in to a whole new level. I have already been up since 4:00 a.m., and am on the third load of laundry. I plan to stay in my jammies all day, fuss and sort and organize and catch up. I have been so focused on matters of extraversion - parties and gatherings and work and social events, that it feels as if it has been ages since I spent quality time in, with myself. There is as much to do, if not more, IN the house, as there is anywhere else. And I am rarin’ to go! Maybe I’ll even burn off a calorie or two in the process.

Which would be good, since I way overindulged, again yesterday. There was catered roast beef and chicken and pork chops, salad and potatoes and carrots at the metal detecting Christmas event. And a dessert item for every one of the 50 plus people present. And I felt compelled to try at least a bit of nearly everything. And even brought a big plate ‘o leftovers home to join the chinese food already in the fridge. You would think that I’d take a break given that until next weekend the major festivities are over. Plus in that I am bloated and crampy and my appetitie is beginning to drop as it does around this time every month.

But noooo…I have seen to it that this food has followed me home, and will haunt me for the rest of the week as well. The only good thing about this is that Buffalo is again expecting another big storm, and at least Tom and I won’t have to worry about starving to death or anything!

But, other than consuming the residual goodies, I do hope to try and drop down a little DURING the week, so there is room to probably go back up on the week end when we once again are booked solid with gatherings.

And this is likely the way it will be until January comes and it is truly time to commit to something better for the long haul. And like 8 zillion others, I make New Years resolutions involving diet and exercise….and of course, keep them all!

Weight: 185.4 lbs.

Well, as the day progressed yesterday I found myself coming around and perking up, and by evening, I managed to feel human once again. And had a wonderful time with my colleagues at Sole’. My old supervisor, Kevin, returned for the occassion, as did our old psychologist, Ron (and his nice wife). It seems that no one ever really leaves our small department, as we manage to stay in touch at least, and most return back either to work for us again down the line, or at least to party with us. In fact, Zoe is leaving after over 20 years in a few weeks, but will be returning for her send off on January 14th. As will Kevin and Ron, and there is talk of inviting back our old supervisor, Aaron. So even though Zoe is leaving, we figure that we’ll probably see her just as much (me especially, as we are good friends!), so it isn’t so tragic to see her go.

In any event, I tried to order a decent meal, and went with the scallop dinner. There were 3 big scallops, asparagus and pear risotto. Yum!! What really threw me however was the huge bowl of guacomole made tableside and served with the most delicious chips! One of my most favorite foods ever!

All this combined with the many cups of coffee I nursed through the long evening has now led to over a pound of weight gain, on top of where I already was. And tonight Debbie and Janet and Pete are coming over for our Christmas gathering, and we plan to order chinese take out. With baked goodies Tom and I have procured from a bake sale to benefit the needy. I mean, we are suckers for the less fortunate…AND homeade goodies, of course. Damn, I’m screwed!

And, as can be read, I haven’t yet developed the fortitude to say “no” to such indulgences, so there is little doubt that I will continue to go overboard despite everything I know. And despite my PMS.

And when even cramps and misery don’t stop me, I am truly in trouble. 

God, this must mean I’ll have to rely on will power and intelligent choices instead.

Ack…!