Necessary Mutilation

Weight: I rue the day….

I am determined to eat myself into oblivion right up until the new year starts (and possibly beyond). Apparently. Last night Janet came over and we headed to dinner out and then spent what should have been some quality time here afterwards. Except that I fell asleep on the couch, probably from all the carbs I ate at dinner and the pieces of chocolate afterwards. Clearly I can’t be trusted to break out the box ‘o gifted chocolates and simply offer these to guests. I just had to know what was inside of each one, and whether it was nougat or creme or nuts. Or all of the above as I think that I ate at least 3 pieces. Its all a sugary blur!

Today our friends Nancy and Charlie are due over, first for dinner at a local Thai restaurant, and then to visit here “over wine” as per Nancy’s instructions. It is New Year’s eve, after all. Except that this means that we’ll have booze AND chocolates, and I will probably sink into a coma this time. Doesn’t this make you just want to rush right out and visit with the likes of us?!

Tomorrow should be the biggest test of all, as we remain torn as to whether to bring in the new years “playing”, or whether to consider this the day of our new beginning and commitment to resolutions regarding diet and self discipline. There will be symbolism in whichever we choose, and I am apprehensive about the karma of starting the new year off on the wrong foot. On the other hand, part of me feels that new years day is still one for celebration and frivolity, and shouldn’t count.

The bottom line is that either way the need to crack down is encroaching, and clearly I have mixed emotions and am screwed up about it all. I have so many conflicting voices in my head that I may as well have multiple personality disorder. So much so that it should be an interesting study as to which one(s) I listen to and what I do with it all.

Because as of right this minute I honestly can’t say that even I know yet what the plan is and how it will all shake out. I think I know what I want and what I need to do to get there….I just don’t know if I will follow a course of action consistently, stringently and intelligently enough to achieve my goals. Given my track record and all. And my current apprehension and ambivalence.

Making this all a lot to embrace and soon. I have to laugh at Nancy who when recently asked about her resolutions, said that she hopes to remember to take a multi-vitamin daily from now on. Oh, and maybe try to be a little kinder and gentler in the new year.

That’s it.

Sigh….