|
|
Weight: 183.9 lbs.
My eating juices are flowing now as I have been whipped into a food frenzy. There is something about the preparing and eating of a hearty meal that makes you think that you can have anything and as much as you want. Before the food is even cooked!
I definitely overate yesterday, and found the turkey and all its trimmings too tasty to pass up. The only thing whose juices weren’t flowing however, was the turkey itself, which Tom disappointingly accused of being “way too dry!” I think I overcooked it by about an hour, as it didn’t seem to be browning in its miracle bag as I had read that it should be. So, I left it in longer…and it turned out a little rubbery. Just the same, Janet and I liked it, and now I have told Tom that if he is gonna complain, he is not welcome to share in the leftovers. So there!
Then, we each enjoyed a tasty cranberry nut muffin that Janet brought and said was made from whole wheat. I felt less guilty savoring it than I would have if it was any old ordinary white bread muffin…until Janet announced that she looked up its nutritional value on line, and it had 400 calories and even MORE fat in it than any old ordinary white bread muffin.
Note my nearly 2 lb. weight gain since yesterday.
Now today we are due first to a craft/bake sale/auction with Debbie, and then to take whatever goodies we purchased to Rochester to share with our friend Dorothy who is having us for lunch. And dinner. More capricious eating ahead. And in such circumstances as they feel so festive, I tend to give myself permission to enjoy as the natives do, and eat what I like. And since there are many such events and gatherings between now and New Years, I remain doomed if I continue this attitude. And will die with muffin crumbs on my smiling face. A sardonic grin, no doubt.
And clearly I remain of two heads, as yesterday I reveled in some of the best compliments I have received so far on “how skinny I look.” I ran into an old co-worker/friend who had the surgery years before me, and is now almost gauntily skinny. We hadn’t seen each other in some time, and she kept commenting on how thin I looked. And I, her. She said however that she is still considered obese by her BMI, and never got down to the 140 she hoped to. She said that she weighs 178 (at 5′6′)…and to my eyes, if she lost even another pound or two, would be emaciated. Somehow this talk about the misleading nature of the BMI, lofty goals based solely on numbers and how one can look so good even at a high number, makes me feel quite good, AND, unfortunately, tends to give me permission to remain lax. I must remind myself that I am not done yet (or ever), and that 5′3″ and 183 is nowhere near acceptable.
After the holidays.
Send / Share / Tweet / Print This:
Weight: 182.3 lbs
I think that I may finally have caught up on my sleep. I have been exhausted all week, and even just the 2 days that I have worked so far have depleted me further. Last night I asked Tom if he wanted to go to bed at 7:15! And he said “yes’! But, then his sister called and they gabbed for like an hour and I settled into a show…so we ended up in bed at 8:30 instead. And I slept soundly until about 5:00 when Tom’s rummaging for his work clothes woke me up. I didn’t even hear his alarm go off.
Today I only work until around 2:00, and then have a date with a turkey. No, Tom (ha ha - Tom turkey…get it!!?) isn’t coming home early and we aren’t rendevousing. Its an actual turkey, and I will be putting it in the oven by 3:00 as Janet is due over for what we all hope will turn out to be a gourmet pre-Thanksgiving feast of a bird and all the fixin’s. My first really, and more likely to turn out like a tv dinner, given my culinary skills. I am really counting on the darn Reynold’s oven bags that everyone recommended…so baggie, do your trick! Supposedly this makes turkey cooking goof proof, and all I need do is well…nothing, while it cooks away. My kind of dinner!
And, since some of the sides are coming from Boston Market…maybe this won’t be so bad after all.
God I’m a useless slug in the kitchen! You’d never know that there’s Mediterranean in my ancestory and that my mother was a great cook.
Tune in tomorrow to see how it all turned out…and how much weight I gained eating it all no matter what!
Send / Share / Tweet / Print This:
Weight: 183.1 lbs.
I’m in love. I think that I may be having an affair and would call it cheating, except that Tom knows all about it and in fact, has been right by my side through the whole sordid matter.
I am referring to my passion for the buffet at the Hamburg Slots where we went last night to cash in on our free turkeys and buffets. It had to have had the most unique and tasty food items I’ve had in a while, and wins the prize for quality and innovation in my book. For only the second time in my life, I have had risotto…the first being in an elegant restaurant in Atlantic City. The only reason I even ordered it at all at the time, is that I am a big fan of Hell’s Kitchen and they are always making risotto, and I wondered what it was like.
Well, they actually had mushroom/herb risotto on this buffet…and it was heavenly! They also had things like mahi mahi in lobster sauce (which I didn’t get, but was intrigued by), veal dishes (which is too cruel for my tastes), and so many more fancy and elegant dishes that I can’t even remember and name them all. I also ate the most jumbo chilled shrimp, fancy cooked shrimp (scampi?), superb chicken dishes, gnocchi, and side dishes of noteriety. Oh god, and the best pumpkiny bread pudding type dessert! I had to try bits and bites of everything and all together ate way too much, but must say that it was such an experience that I don’t regret it at all. Every once in a while eating should be such fun, and this is a testimony to both the fact that I must be feeling better, and to the fact that my eating disorder probably continues to lurk under the surface and all it takes is a grand buffet to reactivate it! Even just reading my own descriptors (and love affair with food!) makes this obvious…but I guess that I am not willing to give up this pleasure in life and the wonderment of such an unexpected experience.
And..did I mention that it was free! Somehow this makes it all the sweeter. As were the two turkeys that are now safely tucked away in Janet’s freezer. One for her and one for our future use. These are interestingly labelled as “lite” with like 40% less calories or fat than regular turkeys…and it will be interesting to see which casino has the better of the two and if a “diet” turkey compromises the taste any.
So here I am on an eating roll with still a week to go until the actual holiday.
Sigh…I guess it is still all about food, isn’t it?!
Send / Share / Tweet / Print This:
Weight: 182.7 lbs.
So what did I do while off from work yesterday? I slept. And then slept some more. And then Tom woke me to make me go with him to pick up those damn free turkeys from the casino…and although basically this simply entailed going along for the ride, standing in line and then carrying a turkey to the car, it was all I could do to make it. Then I came home and slept some more. Only to be awoken when Tom came home at 5:00 and simultaneously, the phone rang. It was Hamburg casino informing us that we had two free turkeys waiting for us and that we could pick them up tomorrow!
Darn this free poultry! Tom dropped the second turkey off to Debbie’s last night (while I lounged some more), and the first we are cooking here on Friday for evening company. If we go and get two more tomorrow night (this time, AFTER work!), we will give one to Janet also, and have her keep the fourth in her freezer for us for a later date, as we can’t fit even another slice of bread in ours.
Now I’m not knocking free protein or anything, but this is one of those freebies that feels rather like pressure. We also have 2 free buffets at Hamburg Downs, so this might make the trip out there a little more worth it as otherwise it feels simply like trudging all over because it is too tempting not to. Especially when I feel sick and exhausted. And when turkey is like 38 cents a lb. in a store two seconds from our house.
But, I know me well enough to know that I will push through it once more, as I am easily lured by such offers despite common sense, and this is exactly what we will do this evening. But, we won’t play a dime while there, as we do have the concept of “free” down pat for the moment, and won’t jeopardize this.
However, eating at the buffet is arguably a mixed bag and flawed design for what I am hoping to achieve here…although my period seems to be the best appetite suppressant around and I doubt that I will do too much damage while still feeling so cruddy.
But when it comes time to EAT all these free turkeys…that may be another story! Yum!
Send / Share / Tweet / Print This:
Weight: 182.3 lbs.
The bad news is that I feel like s***. The good news is that between bleeding out ounces by the minute and feeling so yucky, I have lost back down from my recent indulgences and PMS bloat.
The bad news is that I was sick all day yesterday, and don’t feel any better today. Does any one elses more minor miseries become magnified by 100 when you get your period? The little cold that I was nursing has now flared back up with a vengence, and every ache and pain and sniffle feels like I am surely dying from beri beri or cholera or TB or something.
In a very rare move, I have decided to take today off. I can’t remember when I last called in, as I both like my job and hate to stiff my clients, AND being paid by the hour (and not so when off!) is an added incentive to stay well! But, I hardly slept a wink last night too, and feel on the verge of a major epidemic if I push myself too much today…not to mention that I would likely be worthless (and possibly contagious) to those I am supposed to help.
The cats were in rare form last night combined with how snuffly I was, and between all this and the kick up of hormonal adrenaline, I’d say that I am writing this on about 72 minutes of disjointed sleep time. I also stayed up late as I just knew that I couldn’t get restful, and played around on the computer and such. I did manage to troll several cat product sites and ended up ordering a huge kitty “tree” with the justification that climbing up high may save Spice’s butt someday, plus give her some exercise and freedom in a house still limited due to Gingerbread’s omnipresence. I then had to move furniture around to be sure that it would fit in the space I had in mind (in the computer room), which given how bad I felt, was not the brightest idea. But, I am pleased with the purchase and Tom agrees, so for now (until the monstrosity arrives and takes over the whole room!) I feel that it was worth it.
And for now, I am heading back to bed and calling it a day ’cause just writing here has already taxed my resources and makes me ready to throw in the towel. No offense…!
Send / Share / Tweet / Print This:
Weight: 183.7 lbs.
God the buffet was good yesterday! And fattening…. And I ate too much, as usual, although was lucky to have not gained any further. And spent too much, although in a rare turn of events, both Tom and I caught a winning streak that took us until we chose to leave nearly even at about 5:30. We were weary and satiated, and happy to leave with our money safely back in our pockets. And to be nearly even at the casino is almost as cool as winning - so we are happy. Plus we earned enough points to have “won” two free turkeys that we have to go back and pick up on Wednesday after work. And lest you think that we are stupid enough to play when we return, banish the thought. We plan to literally grab our gobblers and go. I have already planned to drop one off at a friend’s on the way home, and cook the other on Friday. Janet doesn’t know it yet, but as she is our dinner company on Friday, we will ask her if she’d like a homeade turkey dinner on us. Given that I’ve never cooked a turkey before in my life however…(or maybe I did once with help but set the pot holders on fire and have blocked the whole affair from my memory), she may want to ask us to order a pizza instead!
Send / Share / Tweet / Print This:
Weight: 184.0 lbs.
I have eaten too much the last few days, plus am bloated. I feel so fat and gorky! Our original plans yesterday evening were to head to Barb and Rick’s house to visit there as Rick continues to recover from a recent surgery. We had figured on ordering chinese take-out, and this was anxiety provoking enough as to my ability to be “good” on such food.
But, this plan got scrapped at the last minute when I called Barb to say that we were on our way following a chinese auction (we must have a thing for orientals! LOL!), and she was having such a bad day that she asked if we minded rescheduling. It seems that her house and husband were falling apart, and if we did go it would have been more to help restore order than to visit. I figure that since Barb reads here she is probably seeing this reference to her horrible day, and hopefully will write in and let us all know that she and the house and mostly Rick are all “feeling” better now.
So…instead of entertaining with them, we ended up calling Janet on a moment’s notice and we all decided to be “bored” together. Although it would have been the first night that Tom and I didn’t have any plans and perhaps it would have made sense to just kick back and relax, we were already in social/outgoing mode, and this seemed a better opportunity to share time with Janet who hadn’t been by in some time.
So, we did what any friends do when together. Blab and watch tv and EAT. Which for me, added to the crap/goodies I had already indulged in at the auction and well, the whole weekend, for that matter. And this morning I have popcorn, baked goods and too much coffee left over in my gut.
And today although the calendar has tentative plans for more gadding, Tom and I are hankering to go to the casino instead, and when he starts focusing on it, I know that there is likely no stopping us. In all fariness we haven’t gone in some time, although this has been by design as it usually is bad for both our pockets and waist.
But despite this awareness, it seems likely that we are too (fill in the blank) to resist, and although it is only 6:00 am, I can likely predict that we will lunch there at least.
And whatever indulgences I “enjoy” combined with what is already collecting on my thighs and added to pms…look out Buffalo! The circus has come to town! Blurk!
Send / Share / Tweet / Print This:
Weight; 183.3 lbs.
Here’s a pic of how I looked last night for my company banquet. I bought the outfit in a panic a few days ago at Walmart when we were stuck going there anyway to return an item Tom had bought earlier in the week. Quite by accident I saw this black pair of slacks in PETITE, and since these are hard to find at a decent price anywhere, I was immediately smitten.
Then, I spied the top, and it actually fit and looked ok to Tom and I and the sales lady whose opinion I shamelessly asked for as I am stylishly useless. All this was good enough for me, and frankly I was most excited to be done in less than a half hour, as I still hate clothes shopping with a passion. I was also semi excited to fit into a size 16 quite comfortably, I might add. Although given what I have been eating lately, this won’t be true for long!
In fact, you should have seen the spread at the banquet hall. Plus there was great food, too! (Bada bing, bada boom!)
You all would know I’d be lying if I said that I stuck to all good foods, didn’t have a single drink, and ate only moderately. So…never mind.
Whatever. I did enjoy the evening and was pleased to sit with my co-wokers from the clinic, and enjoyed their company. No one is much of a dancer or social flirt, so I think we all left before the late activities began. Which was fine with me as I remain chronically sleep deprived in part due to Spice’s perpetual presence in our bed, and in part because I am still restless and prone to freaky dreams and hormone, food or stress induced (?) interruptions in my sleep, that are wreaking havoc on my beauty rest. Which I am sure that you will attest to from my picture!
Oh, and one more weight related thing. While at Friday night’s craft event, I ran into a very old friend who happened to have a craft stand there (Rory). When she first saw me she looked stunned (it has been at least a year or two since we last bumped into each other), and commented on how I was “skinny.” I don’t know if she is aware that I’ve had surgery, and would have told her if she asked how I’d lost weight or anything. What she did ask is how much I’d lost, and when I said “like a whole you”, she asked what that meant. I said “like 120 lbs.” She laughed and thanked me for thinking she weighed 120…and said that she actually weighed 190! I was shocked, and obviously have no ability to gauge weight either in myself or anyone else. I think she might just be a little taller than me, so it is inconceivable that she actually weighs MORE. I think of her as thin, and me as fat…period. Yet she called me “skinny” (well, we know THAT’S not true!!), and I am confused when I get compliments because I really can’t see with any degree of accuracy, what I really look like and generally assume that I am still the fattest person in nearly any crowd.
Which of course WILL be true if I keep on eating like there’s no tomorrow at every holiday or special event, meal out and benefit…especially since there are many more to come as the season is just beginning!!
Send / Share / Tweet / Print This:
Weight: 183.3 lbs.
I am so tired and wierd. We stayed out late last night and I woke up groggy and disoriented from too little sleep and sleeping in a semi fetal position to avoid squishing Spice who at just 4 inches long manages to take up 3/4 of the bed. Now I am stiff from my contortions and fuzzy headed too.
So what were the first thoughts to pop in my weary head at 6:00 this morning? And I swear that this is true, and proves that I am about to crack….
“I wonder what the difference is between a sistern and a spittoon?”
What…?!
Where in bejesus did this come from?! And what even IS a sistern? And who cares? Its not even like I watched a John Wayne movie recently or anything, either!
It must be the desserts I ate last night. When in doubt, blame it on food!
We went to a bazaar (more like bizarre, for me!) where their were crafters and auctions and festivities and FOOD. We had just come from a nice, healthy greek dinner out, only to discover that our $5 admission charge included an all night, all you could eat feast of incredible magnitute and calorie count. There were various finger foods, pasta dishes, salads, subs, hot and cold cider, and desserts of every kind. And they refilled the table liberally throughout the night (don’t ask how I know this), often with different things that whipped Tom and Rose and I into a renewed frenzy as we just “have to try THAT too!” If we had known that food was included we would have at least skipped dinner first….
But, as it stood, we all ate well past capacity (I apparently haven’t learned a thing!), as we tried bites and bits of this and that for about 5 hours until the joint closed. Oh, and I didn’t even win a single auction basket. But at least I got my money’s worth in food.
Ha Ha…urp. Blechhh…!
And what the hell does a spittoon have to do with anything?!
And now tonight is a formal, serious, Aspire awards ceremony at an impressive banquet hall. It is the first time in my 16 years of working for this company that I have ever attended, so I am not totally sure what to expect. Except an open bar, dancing, food and formality. And there is only one part of all this that appeals to me and fits for who I am. This unfortunately being the FOOD.
And after two nights of gourmet fixings in a row, I can’t wait to see what I dream about this time!
Send / Share / Tweet / Print This:
Weight: 182.6 lbs.
We’re living in an untenable situation here, as Spice has chosen to exile herself to just the bedroom and the back computer room, and is never seen anywhere else in the house anymore. And even still, Gingerbread watches and stalks, and lays in wait for her to make one mistake. Spice has mastered the act of sneaking from room to room, but spends just as much time under the bed as anything.
This morning,at 4:30 am, as I was already awaking and pondering this sad situation, I heard Gingerbread growling and hissing frantically and smashing around in the living room. I knew Spice was sleeping at my side, as I was practically half off the bed from her chosing prime real estate all over me all night, and squishing me from here to there.
Spice awoke and ran under the bed, and Gingerbread sounded so ominous from the other room, I wanted to do the same thing!
I worried that someone might have broken in, and brave kitty that she was, she was defending us and our homestead from intruders.
But, from her snarls and scratches at the front window, I peeked out and discovered a stray kitty on our front porch. Clearly Gingerbread’s territoriality knows no bounds, and this encounter will probably have gotten her anti-Spice juices flowing that much more, and there will be more hell to pay today.
Yesterday Tom called the SPCA behavior specialist on my urging, and did get some advice about things, including: “if it doesn’t get any better, bring her back and we’ll find her a new home.” As if she’s a used car.
This is breaking our hearts and taxing us emotionally, and we are perpetually at a loss despite the best advice, as to the best ways to handle this. The behavioralist said that we can quarantine Gingerbread at times to allow Spice run of the house, but I am not sure exactly where we could put the big one, and even if so, I fear that she’d flip out and rebel and develop behavior problems (more, anyway) and pee on carpets or whatnot in anger.
God, you’d think we’d be smarter than a cat…but clearly we aren’t. And never mind my Master’s Degree in Social Work. I may as well be an accountant!
So, there’s life in our house these days, while we march on and try to take things a day at a time. I can’t imagine us travelling or being away from home for large periods of time at this point. Today I am getting out of work by 3:00 to join Tom who is off, and a friend, Rose, and heading to a Christmas craft event run by an agency that supports children with disabilities. Jim Kelly who was a quarterback for our Buffalo Bills and lost a son to a neuorological disorder, will be there signing copies of his book on this subject too.
We hope to relax and have a good time, but it is getting harder to be away in worry of what may be occuring back home. We nay have to resort to “locking” Spice back up for longer stretches…although this too is sad and hard for her.
And at this point I feel like just locking MYSELF in a little room and blocking it all out. La La La La La………….
Crap.
Send / Share / Tweet / Print This:
|
|
November 20th, 2010 | 
Categories: 
Recent Comments