Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 192.0 lbs.

Yikes! I got up later than I should have this morning, and now have little time to blog. I have a long day scheduled at work, as it is “end of the month” Friday when all the stats and what-not are due.

Unfortunately, this will put a crimp in my garage saling! But alas, one must make money to have for such things down the line.

I woke up feeling sad and upset and off balance this morning, as I dreamt worrisome and upsetting things about Callie right up until I woke. There is no worse feeling than that of seeing someone you love suffer, and needing you, and feeling impotent to help or heal. This is the kind of stuff I dreamt.

I am actually glad to get out of the house and off to somewhere where maybe what I do does matter, and focus on things I am good at. I think that this will be especially therapeutic for me today.

Last night Janet was over until late, and we enjoyed a nice dinner and some tv and talk together. This was nice, but I think talk of Callie may have stirred the pot for me, and I went to bed a little bluer than I have been. Janet almost “made me” go get ice cream with her as she was craving it and hungry, but fortunately she relented, as we all know that I likely wouldn’t have had the will to say no to a nice dish or cone at this point in things. I am still way weaker willed than I wish to be, although find that by simply keeping “bad” foods out of reach, this minimizes the damage some. I am just not good enough at resisting things that are within my vicinity or awareness, and need to not have them at home or work or anywhere in my community!

I do hope to bump up my inner resolve so that ultimately this is less of a problem as it used to be.

But, for now, keeping busy with things like work and fruitful endeavors, is where I am at.

And given this, I’d better run!