Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 192.1 lbs.

I suddenly feel as if I can think for the first time in a while. I believe that with the insidious stress of Callie’s lingering health problems and ultimate death combined with impending blood work and other summer stressors, that I have been in dread and auto pilot mode for a long time. Yesterday I was surprised how “clean” I felt, meaning that I didn’t have to think about too much more than whatever tasks I had at hand both at home and at work, and was more focused and less anxious as a result.

I have been thinking more about my goals and bariatric journey, becasue I can, and can begin to face the fact that I haven’t lost weight in ages, and that the 190’s is likely my end weight if I don’t do things differently. Or, worse yet, I feel at risk to gain back at least some of what I have lost. Although I feel ok at my current weight and can easily rest on past accomplishments, I would be selling myself short, and never experience what a lesser weight may feel and look like.

Admittedly I am often torn between this and immediate gratification in the form of eating more of what I like now, and have still not resolved this one. But, as the fog clears, I can at least say that a part of me wants and can be motivated towards, continued weight loss and fitness. And that if I can push to activate this aspect of myself, there is hope that I can acheive more goals. Such as reaching the low 80’s where I was, last I remember dieting back in the 1990’s. For starters, anyway. I can’t even begin to think in terms much lower than this yet, as even a loss of 10 more lbs. at this rate, will likely take extraordinary will and work on my part. In case you haven’t noticed, it has taken me like 6 months to drop the last 10 lbs.

But, the point is that I must do thigs differently and harder and better than before if I really hope to get and stay on better track. Resuming my old exercise routine would be a start - and I haven’t even gotten back into this yet.

I haven’t forgotten any of this, the lessons learned here through others comments, all my research and teachings, and basic concepts of bariatric success.

I just need to activate them, is all…. And get started once more on a path for success.

Which sounds so simple, doesn’t it?!