Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 190.5 lbs.

Unfortunately, I am not talking about my weight when I say that I have reached a new low. I think that I am referring to my current mood and morale.

Yesterday was a bone crunching, demoralizing, defeating and anxiety provoking day at work, and when I wasn’t up to my waist in doggie doo, I was getting chastised from first arrival, until 9:00 last night. Now I am not blaming anyone else except one staff memeber who was simply mean and rude and made little attempt to communicate effectively. The others (my colleagues, boss, bigger boss) who “corrected” me weren’t without cause, and I am properly humbled today for errors in my judgement that added to an already sticky work situation that really has nothing to fo with me.

But, regardless of how it played out and all that went poorly, I am very saddened and upset even today by it all, and in having to deal with this even through the evening yesterday, quite burnt out at every level. We are supposed to get together for a Lawn Fete with Rose today, and both tomorrow and Monday are long days out too. I am trying to think forward and get into weekend mode, but expect it will take time to wash the trauma off of myself. Having my period just magnifies everything.

It will be interesting to see if I eat more or less in response to this kind of stress, but for the moment, I feel mostly like crawling back into bed and sleeping for another year or two. This should allow for my weight to drop!

Yesterday, between traumatic phone calls and ongoing trickles from work, Tom and I did go out to dinner (which we rarely do anymore) and then briefly to the same Lawn Fete that we are due to go to today. I ate half of a chicken breast sandwich and some split pea soup, but was starving as I ate nothing but eggs for breakfast, and a banana for “lunch”. As part of the “trauma” at work, our coffee has been pulled and neither staff or consumers are allowed it in the counseling suite anymore. This will be especially hard for me, as I hydrate throughout the day on decaf and tea and  rely on this in ready supply to function mentally and physically. I guess that I will have to plan my day out differently now, invest in a thermos and figure out (if) and how to manage this…assuming we can even have hot drinks at our desks at all.

So, I am not a happy camper today and off to a bumpy weekend start despite the nice plans we do have that ordinarily would cheer me.

Lets hope I can shake the work week off and get in the spirit…or, as is usually so, suck it up and march on regardless.

Sigh….