Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 193.3 lbs.

I am puffing up like a blow fish and this morning my ring which usually can twist around in circles and I ususally fear will fall right off, barely fits. I am bloated and shiny and am not sure why.

I am thinking back on what I did and ate yesterday, and can’t think of anything too unusual. Except perhaps the first tomato off of my canister plant that I was so thrilled to eat, I picked it off, slathered it in salt, and ate the whole damn thing like an apple. I rarely if ever use salt anymore, but yesterday was the exception. And I am now wondering if between this and the sodium in the many desk nuts I ate at work and the hot dog at dinner, that I have salted my way into puffiness.t. Or, perhaps I am just back on a gaining streak…although I know when I do eat excessively, and don’t feel that I have done that badly to warrant this much of a gain. Besides, I’d have had to have eaten like 10,000 extra calories or something to have managed to gain this much this quickly.

Whatever it is due to, it is discouraging, especially as I was nearing some new and meaningful numbers, and I can’t stand seeing the 90’s anymore. I have been thinking about a graph I saw long ago that predicted my final number as 191 (at 65% weight loss for a year), and I remember shuddering and thinking how high that still was and an unacceptable number for me. Well, here I am now over a year out and not even solidly there yet and hardly able to budge without huge effort. I do feel that I am fighting hard against the law of averages here, and worry again that I may be losing (the battle, not my weight!)  Looking and feeling like a porked up blow fish isn’t helping any either!

Sigh…I know that I need to kick it up but am not even exactly sure what this would entail at the moment. I am also working longer, harder days and this is making weekdays more difficult for as much discipline as I would like with my morning work out and evening routine, as I feel rushed in the mornings, and exhausted in the evenings. It will be interesting to see how I do while on vacation for a week, and with nothing but nature to enjoy. Do you ever wonder what the “real” you is like buried under all the stress and convention and hectic pace of everyday life?

But, unfortunately, I too must live and eat and manage in the real world of stress and try my best under such realistic, everyday crcumstances…and even when I am bloated like a cartoon character.

 But if only I could take a pin to myself and deflate to skinny like they do on tv…

Damn reality!