Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 193.5 lbs.

There are lots of oopsies this morning, the first of which will make today’s post shorter. I got up too late for the long day I have scheduled, including earlier morning clients than I typically have. So I am forced to rush through this today…and I had to skip my morning workout. I hope this wasn’t an unconscious attempt at sabotage or something! I don’t trust myself entirely yet, so I wouldn’t put anything past me!

Also, although I was “good” all yesterday, eating well and moderately, I think I blew it all by drinking several cups of decaf into the late evening, AND, eating peanut butter by the spoonful, out of the jar. I’m not really sure what motivated me to have such a late night orgie of coffee and PB, but I can still feel the congealed glops of gooiness in my gut this morning. Even the coffee that I had before and after, didn’t wash this down. The fact that it was “natural” peanut butter, probably means little in the scheme of things, and I am disappointed in myself for succumbing to that restless, munchy feeling I sometimes get in the evening. I had already eaten a filling dinner of a salad with chicken strips, crushed walnuts, hot peppers, shredded cheese and some raisins…so have no excuse for nibbling afterwards. I weighed myself last night after dinner and before “snack” - and weighed 294.3….which should have led to a lower amount this morning than I weighed-in at. Assuming a 1.5-2.0 lb. drop overnight, as I find is typical for me.

But, blah, blah, blah….nothing new for me. And, it could have been worse, I suppose. It could have been regular PB (gasp!) or chips or something. Or an entire mammal, dinner for 8, and the next day’s meals. All of which I also wouldn’t put past myself when I get in that “way.”

But still, if I really wanna go straight AND lose weight as I keep moaning, why do I take such liberties at all. I am sure that it had little to do with hunger.

So, with renewed vigilance as to my wily ways, I will set off to try another day with added advice (see Debras comments on a recent post), and give it all another shot.

I mean, what’s the alternative?! Given the choices, struggling towards better really can’t be disputed!