Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 192.5 lbs.

I am so glad that I got up the nerve to post a query at obesityhelp.com yesterday, regarding my ongoing struggles with food, myself, my weight, my will. I got a ton of awesome responses that have helped bolster my confidence, put things back in perspective, and most importantly, empower me to continue to fight to be true to what I know I must do to succeed. I am now thinking that my problem doesn’t lie in not knowing what I must do, but in having the will, confidence, desire and chutzpah to do it. And that to succeed, I must “just do it!!” Like Nike. One response was something about pulling myself up by my big girl panties, and doing the right thing. I know that this actually feels so much better anyway than doing what I know is bad for me, proving once again that my problem is not in lack of knowlege about WHAT I should do, but in the earnest and consistent push to do it.

What was so awesome about the reponses I got, was that none were condescending or mean spirited, despite the fact that I left myself wide open for and practically invited people to chastise me. Instead, it was so helpful to have strangers on the same journey, share their own struggles, especially when full of carbs and the cravings that are fueled by these. It helps me to see that no ones course has been easy, although some have still lost quicker and with less fuss, than I. Most, in fact. But, nonetheless, no one described this process as effortless or as something they don’t have to remain forever vigilant about. And this reminds me that it is not a race to an imaginary finish line or a one time accomplishment, but rather a lifelong process for which there is no real beginning, middle or end. Rather, the journey is a daily or perhaps hourly one, with opportunies for both good or bad choices each minute, and most people and not just me, falter at times. But, it is more about frequency and degree, I believe, and although one may lose some battles at times, it is the larger war that we should all be concentrating on along with knowing what weapons are needed to win it.

This all having been said and absorbed, I do feel as if I can work once more to put on a better “head”….rather like growing through positive reinforcement, encouragement and example.

Or at least doing whatever I can to be true to myself and my mission and using the tools I do already possess.  And the reality is that no one else is going to do any of this for me, and waiting for the perfect moment or opportunity to arise to start, is really just stalling for time.

So, I am feeling more ready to take myself on once again, and do intend to find it in myself to get off carbs and back on track. I agree that the two are inextricably interwoven, and to make this work, I must stop eating carby crap. The reality is that until some months ago, I was much better at avoiding them, but once I allowed myself that first really crunchy, carby treat, I have not gotten out of this bad habit since….despite brief attempts and even a pouch test in an effort to try. I do feel that they are that addictive and alluring to me, and I must find my way to accept that I just can’t allow such indulgences and hope to do well. And yes, I guess that I have known this all along at some level.

Gee…now all that’s left is the panty trick….or something about bootstraps. And possibly a sponsor or twenty to keep me straight when the carbs come calling!

No doubt I will be using obesityhelp a whole lot more in weeks to come!