Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 192.8 lbs.

I am desperately worried about our cat, who continues to not eat or drink, hangs her head in perpetual misery, and has long drool balls hanging constantly out of both sides of her mouth, rather like a cow may look. Tom rushed her back to the vet yesterday due to this, but he could find nothing wrong in her mouth or elsewhere to account for this. We feared that perhaps we had injured her jaw or mouth in or ill fated attempts to pill her, and this may be the cause of her troubles. Now he wonders if she has had a reaction to the medication itself, and has advised that we try to wait it out a little longer to see if she recovers on her own. However, she can only go so long without water, so it is a very scary and anxiety proking waiting game, and in the mean time, her little face is sopping wet with drool, and even her whiskers are fused together from it. She looks bedraggled and haggard, and won’t hardly come to us as she remains protective of her face, seems traumatized by the pilling and seems to fear that we may try again, and generally is too miserable to even care to be petted or pampered.

As a result, we too are in perpetual misery, as it is so difficult watching a pet suffer and being impotent to do anything for them. We don’t even really know what is wrong. Last night, when I slept at all, I dreamt a hundred horrible dreams of her suffering, my neglect, and her grisly death.

It remains hard to engage in any other activities, including work, when I am in this degree of worry. And given the string of losses and tragedies of late. I almost can’t help but expect the worst. Not that I am ever really an optimist anyway, mind you.

So once again I struggle to focus on or even care about now seemingly trivial matters like my weight or dietary regimine. To blog here about what I ate yesterday or the fact that I haven’t lost in a while, just seems sacriligious somehow. I hope that this doesn’t offend those that tune in here for bariatric related diatribe…but if it does and this is why no one has commented in some time, I am sorry but this can’t be just about such things when other things take center stage.

And believe me, I will be the first one doing the jig (if and) when I can’t finally care about and get back to “my roots” as a bariatric blogger. Because that’ll be the day when the world stops spinning out of control and some semblence of predictability, peace and well being returns to my life and the lives of my loved ones. Halleluajiah to that!!