Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 195.9 lbs.

Yesterday was a blur. We were out from early to late, and although had a very enjoyable time with various friends and at various activities from garage sales to brunch to chinese auction to dinner, it is getting to be too much for introverted me.

Today we have a brunch back at Pete’s for the dual purpose of celebrating his birthday which is tomorrow, and seeing Sue and Larry off. This is the last day of their nearly 2 weeks in town.

Then, I have numerous calls to follow up on regarding the loss of Debbie’s mother, and other things related to this and to everyday life, like bills and laundry.

I desperately just want to read a book. Any book. Or nap. Or meditate on the fact that my life moves too fast sometimes and I can’t seem to get a grip. Whatever that means.

And, as I’ve said before, my eating habits tend to directly reflect whatever my life is like at the time. Lately, my food intake has been capricious, not well thought out, indulgent and messy,  just like my life. About the very worst of things I have eaten lately was the chicken wings and fries at Duff’s with Barb and Rick, last night. They had never been there, which as Buffalonians, is tatamount to saying that you’ve never heard of the Buffalo Bills. Anyway, we went to the location that President Obama recently frequented, and ordered their wings in four different degrees of hotness so everyone could try them every which way. I didn’t eat too many (6 or 7 compared to the two dozen I might have in the past), but there has got to be no worse food than such greasy, saucy bits o’ chicken and the famous Duff’’s fries that we got with them. I may as well have sucked on the BP oil slick.

But god they are good, and for anyone not familiar, Duff’s as per the travel channel etc., is the hands down winner of chicken wings for all of Buffalo, the chicken wing capital of the world.

Not that this justifies my indulgence, mind you.

There is also no excuse for the chicken stir fry I had at brunch, or the animal crackers I keep munching on that survived the Memorial Day window disaster.

And all this, when I truly feel empowered and ready to do better. My mind is willing and I am actually rather sick of being a bum, eating wise. I just can’t seem to get a grip, and do believe that this relates to my overall inability to get a grip in any manner, when life is so hectic.

Although other than today and the wake and services for Debbie’s mother, this coming week is looking less frantically paced, and I do hope to reset my thinking and “get a grip” then. How do others manage when life comes at you so fast, eating out is abundant, and the ability to plan and to think seems non existant in the face of this? Am I missing something here? 

Clearly I am a stress and exposure flunkie, and have no ability to manage myself with fortitude in either situation…

So does this end when I am in a nursing home and finally have little else to do but ponder life, relax and plan, or can one really manage well when life keeps kicking up to high speed, pulls you by the nose, wallops you with tragedy, and wraps you in peer pressure and opportunity?!

Or am I just an emotionally reactive mess, full of excuses or especially prone to suggestion (”let’s go to Duffs!”) and too easily seduced by situations and foods that tempt and excite?

Rather like I was before surgery, no doubt, and what got me into this mess in the first place!