Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 194.7 lbs.

We have ants in the house as we do every late spring. Despite our efforts to erradicate them. There was an especially yucky one in the bathroom late last night, and as I didn’t have the heart or the guzumbas to squash it, I let it roam and hoped it might find its way out by morning.

When I went to take my bath this morning, much to my relief, there was no sign of him. I assumed that he found a crack or crevice to crawl into, or perhaps had joined his friends in other parts of the house by now. Not a pretty thought, but preferable to my squishing him, which I have a terrible aversion to. Usually I scream like a banshee and Tom comes and does the dirty work. I guess that I am a murderer by proxy.

Anyway, I got in the tub for a relaxing soak, and couldn’t help but notice a big black speck in my open bottle of strawberry shake body wash. I have this along with other bath products in one of those corner containers on the edge of the tub. This is a particularily lucious concoctation that looks and smells like a shake.

Anyway, as you’ve probably already guessed, that darn ant commited strawberry suicide by exerting what must have been significant effort to work its way not only into the corner rack, but up the side of and then into the bath wash. By the time I tweezered it out of the creamy goo, it was long gone. With a smile on its unsuspecting face. Disgusting!

But, if I were an ant, this would probably be me! At times I must resist the urge to drink this milkshake scented concoction, along with its counterpart, “chocolate milkshake’” Either I must stop bathing and spraying on food flavored products, or I’ve got to get a grip. Obviously these are realistically scented enough to fool an ant…and clearly my brain isn’t that much bigger. I have had fits of such ravenous hunger and wierd cravings at times, that I worry if I am any different than before surgery. And I guess one could say that I too am commiting suicide by food. Although much more slowly. If carbs count as suicide, and I believe by today’s research, they do.

Yesterday I had a so-so day, whereby I ate high protein foods (chicken, cheese, eggs) as my staples. However, I also keep finding myself nibbling between meals, and yesterday this included nuts, blueberries (yum!!), and raisin bran out of the box. These are not inherently horrible choices I suppose, but excessive amounts of calories that are keeping me relatively stalled, and more carbed up and hungry. I am glad that for the most part we don’t have horrible foods (ie: white starch, other than Tom’s pasta) in the house for me to grab, as I know that my ant like will is such that I would probably reach for these first if they were readily available. This is perhaps the only limit I impose more often than not. The others I seem to be far more capricious about, and still have not found a consistent way with.

But, given some time to ponder things, catch up on some net info., reset my brain and think forward, I am still in a little better shape than before when I was spinning in the wind to a greater degree.

Although clearly like my little ant counterpart, I am sure that I can still easily be seduced by tasty temptations, even those blatantly murderous to my body and mission. By plunging headfirst into whatever looks and smells as alluring as a false milkshake did to an unsuspecting ant.

Sigh.