Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 194.7 lbs.

I am mercifully off today, but feel as if I may have a breakdown from the blur of the stressful week. There is much that I’d like to do with this glorious time off, but my body is beckoning me to take it easy and to just sit for a spell. I may need to vegetate to recover from a week of significant physical and emotional stress. Tonight Tom is going to the ball game with some friends on tickets I got him a few months ago…which will leave me even more opportunity for true R & R. I may even read like a book, or something. Wheeee!

I desperately need to rebalance and refuel, and it is best if I try and conserve energy by keeping my focus more inward for now. I am going to make a concerted effort to not scatter myself about town today (ie: the garage sales I said I’d never go to again!), and expend too much time or energy focusing on others. I do expect to talk to my friend’s sister to see how her visit with my hospitalized friend went yesterday, and to solidify plans for visiting her this weekend. Other than this, I think that I will try not to connect with anyone else unless compelled to, as I tend to invest in too many people’s lives and feelings, and this can perpetuate my feelings of depletion. Today I really must nurture and rejuvinate ME!

Starting with my diet and exercise. Both of which suck lately! Yesterday I had a grand start (eggs) as well as a healthy dinner (tuna, tomatoes, mushrooms with a little dip, and strawberries for dessert), but blew it all when I ate 2 bowls of popcorn for snack. I seem to keep doing this, and feel as if I nibble out of feelings of restlessness, anxiety and agitation. I would be better of burning this negative energy with a nice walk or something. But I have been lazy too, and when there are moments of down time, all I want to do is drool in front of the tv. With a snack.

Usually when I get this way, it is because I am burnt out. I know that I am quite toasty right now, but have high hopes for today to remedy some of this.

So my mantra for today is about protecting myself from the needs of others for right now, nurturing my soul and spirit through relaxation and solitary hedonism, and refueling through the use of healing and healthy foods and the expenditure of energy in positive and focused ways.

Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it!? All the ingredients for a newly inspired me! I feel better just thinking about it. It’s ME day and I’m gonna celebrate!

Or maybe I’ll just go back to bed….