Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 194.4 lbs.

I am surging with energy as I write this, and have been alternating between this and utter exhaustion for days now. My body is still stiff as a board and my back feels as if I could snap in half if I bend wrong. But my mind is alive with the sound of music, and my energy levels are amazing. I am sitting here wondering if I suffer from bipolar disorder, given how infused with energy that I feel. And how little sleep I seem to be getting at night, as I keep waking in the wee hours and my mind is racing. On Friday night after overextending myself emotionally and physically, I didn’t sleep at all, and finally threw in the towel at 2 am and got up altogether. I took a long bath, fussed and watched tv until we left at 6:30 for Joe and Kathy’s house. On Saturday night, after hallucinating my way back home from utter exhaustion and sleep deprivation, I fell into bed around 10, but also slept fitfully at best. I also arose early yesterday morning, and again today despite the ability to sleep in. At 2:23 am I thought of getting up as I awoke and was staring at the clock, but willed myself to stay in bed and “try harder”. I guess that I did eventually drift off, but my sleep was fitful, fraught with bad and wierd dreams, and agitated. I am not sure what any of this is about, as I am past the need for speed at this point.

Last night Tom and I did attend our metal detecting meeting and it ran unusually long as they held an auction of old historical and detecting books and this took us until 9:30 pm. It was good to see Joe and Kathy under saner conditions, and Kathy said that they raised over $2400 at the garage sale, and there are still large furnishings to sell off on craigslist or such. This is great news, and Ten Lives said that it was their best garage sale ever. Perhaps I am still reeling from all the overwork and stimulation involved…? But if I don’t return to “normal” soon, I may become concerned.

This morning, Tom had to drive friends to the airport at 5:00 am, and he too is getting weary and crunchy under such demands. He typically goes to bed by 9:00 on school days as he has to get up so early to drive the school bus, but he has been later to bed and even earlier to rise lately, and although it sounds as if he is actually sleeping in the middle, he is very tired as a result of everything. Clearly we both need a break here!

Today besides the laundry that has piled to the ceiling and numerous errands including an overdue oil change and the need to pick up my new glasses, I am “off.” Poor Tom must work, and he has also agreed to accompany me in getting the above stuff done. We also need to grocery shop, as we have little decent or fresh food left. Once again, it is time to eat more midfully and better…although yesterday I did ok. I did make myself eggs for breakfast, had some nuts later, and a big salad with turkey, walnuts, hot peppers and other goodies in it, for dinner. I am trying to both rehydrate and eat better, to still make up for the deprivation of adequate liquids and proteins during the weekend blur. I clearly struggle under pressure and time constraints, and wonder how others manage to remain on track when life is so crazy.

The good news is that our lives may be slowing down for a while, I think. Memorial Day week, my childhood friend Sue is coming in from Carolina and staying in town for over a week. I know that we will pick back up some speed then, as we usually try to fit many things in when she is here. She will be staying at Pete’s house, giving us an excuse for frequent visits and a lot of playing. Pete is in The Music Man that same weekend, and we all also have plans to go see him perform with the Buffalo Philharmonic.

But, I digress. For today, for now, life is sane(r) once again, and I just need to let my body and mind accept this and find some peace. Energy can be a great thing, but in excess like I seem to be feeling it, I am warping out and need to chill. Although it would be nice if my metabolism and weight reflected such mania, and sped up as well!