Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 196.4 lbs.

I ate too many strawberries (and soup and nuts and some pretzels!) yesterday.  Tom and I discussed shopping for more berries at Aldi’s and agreed that this time I would stop on the way home from work, and pick up another quart or two. Along with other “necessities”. I came home 2 quarts heavier and $20 lighter, only to find 2 more newly purchased quarts in the fridge already. And Tom who arrived moments later and said that he thought he was to get the strawberries, and I was to get the other stuff. ???!!! Does this make sense to any FEMALE readers?!

Anyway, I then felt compelled to eat up as many as I could lest they spoil, which was the beginning of a snack fest that lasted into the evening and until Debbie left us about 10:00 pm. I was no saint in the restaurant we chose, and although Greek, I cheated on a bowl of my favorite “cheeseburger soup”, which half of filled me up so much that I could only eat bites of my Greek chicken dinner. You’d think that a day of a “normal” breakfast and lunch (including nuts) and then strawberries and a little soup wouldn’t have wreaked such havoc on my weight, but this combined with the late pretzels I munched during Debbie’s visit, must have put me way over the top sodium, calories and carb wise. But, my philosophy is still that some days are like this, and if the bigger picture remains brighter, I remain less guilt ridden and messed up over every indulgence. If I continue on this path however, that’s another story. Could I be losing faster and likely be healthier and less carby than I am…of course. Do I feel compelled to be at the expense of the feelings of normalcy and calm that I have finally found; not now. I still feel in decent balance, which is a rare commodity for me, and I don’t want to tip the scales (no pun intended!) at this point.

I do continue my workouts and feel rubbery from exertion as I write this. I did reverse the order of things again today, although when I work out immediately upon waking, I risk falling asleep on the treadmill. I still have fantasisies of being sucked into the mechanism like George Jetson! That oughta wake me up!

Later today is the Compeer banquet, which means that I will need to get dressed up for work too, as Tom is picking me up from there this evening so that we can head straight out. I am still more tomboy than elegant, so am not overly thrilled about this. And I think today is dress down day at work to boot!

Yesterday Debbie and a few others at work commented that I looked especially thin in the outfit I wore, so I must be doing something right fashion and perhaps exercise wise. We know its not my weight!

So…I remain optimistic that I am getting where I want and need to be, albeit ever so slowly. My attitude, energy and perspective feels good to me, and I have found a decent place to sit with myself a while. It feels as if less energy is being spent on bariatric pursuits and the monitoring and obsessing about diet and such. Perhaps someday I will shake it up harder and choose a different way of doing things, but for now I am content and ok where I am. This even allows for energy to focus on other things of meaning and concern, like struggling friends and summertime projects. And in living in this more balanced way, my secret hope is that my weight will drop some anyway in response to the extra things I naturally take on as I live fully and move my increasingly limber and responsive body along the way.

 You know, like “normal” people!