Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 196.1 lbs.

I had an unexpected “guest”yesterday and now am cramping and achey and grumpy and wish I had different chromosomes. For some reason, I didn’t figure on this just yet, and any pre-symptoms must have come under my radar. Now the post-symptoms are attacking me with a vengence, and I am quite miserable. I don’t seem to have bloated and gained as I usually do, however, which strikes me as particularily unusual given that I have done salt and even some carbs as recently as yesterday. I do continue to eat more sanely and moderately, and generally gravitate to decent choices, first, at least. Yesterday I had eggs, cheese sticks, yogurt, turkey on wheat wrap and a few nighttime pretzels. The latter was unnecessary, I know, but kept to a few and only after better stuff earlier. Nothing I ate has sent me into any kind of tailspin, and I continue to feel rather “normal” otherwise. I say otherwise, becasue we all know that there is nothing normal about me in other regards!

I am off today, having done a huge push by working hard and staying late the last few days. I am relieved as I feel so cruddy, but unfortunately my plans to relax have already gone astray, as it is just 5:30 am and I am already writing here as I just can’t seem to sleep. Mercifully, we have no major plans today or tonight though, so maybe I can veg. and restore some physical and emotional balance to the equation.

I have spent a lot of time checking in with friends who are going through hard times lately, including Janet whose dog died suddenly and added more grief to her already difficult life situation. I feel badly for everyone and worried for their well-being, and wish there was more I could do to help. It seems as if everyone I know is stressed and going through hard times lately, including unusual stressors and life circumstances, as Debra has written of. I can easily get caught up in feeling overwhelmed and melancholy about the state of things for so many, especially when I am hormonal, but am trying hard not to as this will just sweep me under the bus further than I sometimes already feel. But it does seem as if life has gotten more challenging for all, is moving at a faster pace, and is fraught with mishaps lately. It is certainly a sobering reminder of our fragility, and the vulnerabilites of life. Not that being a counselor doesn’t remind me of such things each and every day anyway!

Well, I’m going to sign off before I end up in deeper and darker places and sitting in a puddle…and try to appreciate that which is good and bright and within my control and ok, at least for today! Sounds better, doesn’t it?!