Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 196.7 lbs.

Well, back to whatever normalcy is today. I think that I have forgotten how to function without the stress of added stuff on me. I feel quite “simple” just focusing on work this morning. I am scheduled for a long and very busy day, but feel less stressed about it as I have in a long time, and I think that it is because I had been feeling so torn by so many added tasks that my job had begun to feel secondary to my home “jobs.”

I expect that Zoe may come to take away her tent o’ stuff any day, and when the tent comes out of our driveway and the last of the leftovers is carted off to the charity sale, then it will truly all be over. And, we will be able to park side by side in our driveway again. Oh joy!

Last night the bike sold from my ad on craigslist, and a man came over way too late by our early to bed lifestyle, but who’s to argue with another $120. It had been advertised for $150 or b/o, and was a very lightweight and quality racing bike that a friend had given us (long story!), but Tom prefers his clunker and it was way too big for me. And besides, I can hardly remember the last time that I actually rode a real bike! Maybe this summer now that I have lost weight, I can rekindle what used to be a passion for it. In high school and college when I was much thinner, I was really into racing bikes and had a few that I had purchased from auctions and the like, and raced all over in them. In fact, Tom likes to remind me that when we knew each other a hundred years ago when I was a student and he was married to Karen, he and I would ride together at times on the college campus, and I would beat him when we raced. Karen didn’t come as she was heavy and had an old single speed Schwinn type bike that she mainly used for grocery shopping at the local store. But Tom and I were into speed and competition, and he sometimes yearns aloud for these days and the bike partner I was then and that he wishes I were now. So…maybe I will see if I can wobble my way around on one of our shorter bikes this year, and work my way back into a decent rider. We’ll see….

Also yesterday, it felt cleansing that I had an eye appointment with drops, and had my eyes pronounced healthy and free of any damage. The doctor asked about my history of diabetes, and I was glad to tell her that this appears to have been licked by the surgery. She wondered however if this means that I am no longer diabetic, or if it is like diabetes in remission or considered under control. I realized that I’m not really sure, and that I can’t even be positive that my levels ARE good, as I haven’t had bloodwork in so long. I am eager for an A1C to tell me where I currently stand. Otherwise, it does continue to strike me as odd that no one has ordered any tests to follow up any sooner on this…although admittedly, I haven’t really put myself out there as such either.

Lastly, I had a so so eating day, finding myself rather ravenous in the wake of such a carby week and the decompression from being so off track. We did kill off the rest of some lingering snacky crap, but mostly I was focused on looking forward to resuming better habits, control and focus. We went shopping and filled the house with decent stuff, so as I shake off the effects of the weekend and get back into a routine of more “normal” eating here, I am at least already armed with the items needed to help with this mission.

And this too feels good and cleansing, and I am ready to re-enter the world of the disciplined once again…I think.