Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 197.4 lbs.

OK, so I’m a little early…better this than late! To be exact, April 28th is my 1 year surgiversary, but I prefer to celebrate early. I hope that you will join me in the festivites. There will be no fattening foods, fanfare or gathering, but I will accept kudos and congratulations via this site. I feel as if I have made a lot of special friends along the way, and would love if each of you said something about your own year in concert with mine, and let us know how you are doing on your own journeys.

I must say that my year has been full of challenges as well as triumphs, and that I didn’t really appreciate just how both hard and rewarding this all could be while learning about things beforehand. I suppose that it is rather like having children - you really can’t know what you are in for despite everything you may hear, until you are in the mix yourself. Besides, we all know that my defense mechanisma are such that I only heard what I wanted to (and sometimes still do) beforehand.

But, here’s what I think that I know now:

1)I am an idiot who must test every theory first before I make any changes or commit to things. I am prone to even challenging known theories and drawing outside danger lines under the misguided assumption that despite something never having worked before, that this time, perhaps it will. Like believing that I may actually  lose weight when I am eating too much or too poorly. (It doesn’t work, btw!)

2)Although my weight has gone down (106+ lbs. to be exact) as has my overall measurements, I am still fat - obese, in fact. I cannot rest on my laurels and consider this process “done” - not now, and not ever. One does not get cured from an eating addiction and can never risk living like a “normal” person or believing that they have conquered their demons forever.

3)My degree of denial and acceptance of #2 waxes and wanes. One day I may embrace this concept fully and live by its guidelines, and another, I am back to defenses of minimization, denial and rebellion.

4)I have probably lost slower than most post gastric bypassers because I eat too much and have never really followed the rules strictly, and if in fact my appetite has been suppressed by surgery, I have not done enough to allow myself to feel the full effects of the restriction to experience things as I should. Only the five day pouch test AND conscious effort to listen carefully to my pouch and slow my eating down, will correct this. My adherence to these guidelines has been spotty at best.

5)I’ve gotten myself into this mess, and only I can get myself out.

6)Vacations, holidays, deaths and stressors are not cause to loosen the reigns and cash in on the “eat all you want, you deserve it” card. Although I certainly have.

7)Exercise actually makes you feel LESS depressed, achey and stressed, so that these reasons for NOT exercising do not hold water.

8)Although I generally FEEL healthy and am off all my medications, what I eat still determines the actual degree of well being and health status that I have, and I could develop or redevelop all the same diseases and problems that I used to have and more, if I make poor choices eating and exercise wise…just like anyone. Gastric bypass and the weight that I have lost does not protect me from the cumulative effects of sugars and other toxic substances, and just like everyone in society, these should be limited or eliminated for good.( And Icees are not just fluff with a little syrup, and therefore hardly count as “food”!)

9)Support, whether from friends, a support group, on-line cohorts or chat groups, is a critical component of ensuring that one is not caught up in an endless circle of incorrect perspective, “stinkin’ thinkin’, or denial.

10)Debra is always right and deserves to be everyone’s conscience!

And this having been said, here’s the pictures I know you’ve all been waiting for…or that I have been dying to post, anyway!

Me at 304 and before the journey began.                                                                                                                

                                                                                                                       

 

 

Me now (well, a few days ago) at about 198. In front of the garage sale tent in our driveway.

 

Another:

 

 

 

 Front, back, side (Alfred Hitchcock like)

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s my fat clothes waiting for sale in our garage:

 

 

 

So, there you have my wisdom, poses, clothes and crappy picture taking and posting skills, all in one blog! Aren’t you glad its not my (almost) anniversay every day!?