Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 197.2 lbs.

No one ever said that life is easy. I think that the best that any of us can hope for is to be surrounded by the love and support of good people to help when the going gets rough. For this, Tom and I are extremely grateful. He has experienced an outpouring of comfort and kindness, and was kept busy with numerous phone calls from family and friends all day yesterday. He has decided to stay put and focus on eventually planning a memorial locally for his mother. This is on hold for now however, as one of his sisters is facing surgery and wants to travel here for it, but is currently unsure of her status and ability. There is no hurry any longer, and Tom has been advised to lay low for now. There will be a small service in Iowa tomorrow, I believe, but there is no real need for Tom’s presence as it is largely for the nursing home folks, local family and their friends to attend.

This has uncomplicated our lives logistically speaking, but emotionally speaking, things remain heightened and complex. No matter your age or relationship with family, losing a mother is a big deal, and although Tom is doing well, he is notably somber and pensive, which for an outgoing man like him, spells grief stricken. He is doing his usual things however, and has already left this morning for his bus run. I am also off to work soon, and other than working out, am doing what I “should” be. We are almost upset to have “nothing” special we need to do, as this seems unusual in the face of such a loss. Even the calls he made to local friends and family had been made already by his local sister. We do wish that we were in Iowa to be more supportive and helpful to his brother and sister-in-law, who have the opposite “problem” as they are faced with all of the responsibilities that death entails. They are even having the Buffalo obituary placed via the Iowa funeral home, while tending to a hundred other painful details and needs. I do believe that although difficult, there is some good reason and point to keeping busy and focused in such a way, as personally speaking, I feel most impotent, shiftless and uncomfortable doing NOTHING whatsoever to be helpful, involved or to channel my emotions. I’m not sure if Tom feels it as acutely, but he seems rather confused and shiftless as well.

Eating wise, I guess that I have been disinterested, and distracted, and as a result, seem to have lost back what I recently gained, and then some. If only I could have such a casual attitude about food all the time! It is wierd how it has been an after thought lately, as even in past times of stress, it has been my primary source of stress relief and comfort.

So for now I am going with this flow and hope it continues…while doing what I need to to keep busy and active with typical routines and responsibilities. Tom too, and he even kept his early eye appointment yesterday, just an hour after learning of his mother’s passing. This was partly because the eye center didn’t open early enough for me to cancel, and when they were still closed after he got home from his morning shift, he decided that it was best that he do what was necessary as there was nothing more to do or say regarding his mother anyway. I think that there is some comfort from going on in this way if one is able, and it reinforces the old saying that “life is for the living,” I guess.

Which is what we intend to go on doing to the best of our abilities.  And with thanks to the many who have provided support and solace and wisdom and comfort along the way!