Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 198.2 lbs.

Well, we have a huge tent taking up half our driveway, and a new cable and internet system. The Verizon guy was here nearly all day, and Zoe and Dennis, much of the evening. I hated it all! I feel impotent and stupid in the face of electronics/technology, and large projects. Fortunately, I wasn’t the one who had to actually DO either…although at times it rather felt like it. And today, I am not thrilled with Verizon cable, as I find everything about the remote and programming counterintuitive, cluttered and confusing. On the treadmill this morning, I had to watch paid programming, as I couldn’t figure out how to use the new remote and find the channels I am accustomed to. There are huge gaps between programs, and it takes forever to scroll through unused stations to find viable ones, plus you must use a remote to change the tv stations, even through the tv is inches from my face when I am working out. How funny I looked holding a remote in one hand while jogging away!

I guess that it’ll all take time to adjust to, but so far I am hating the changeover and the learning curve is more of a pain than I thought it would be. On the other hand, if this is all I have to complain about today, my life is surely blessed!

I have been pondering the big picture lately, and have come to realize that this IS my actual life and I can do and be whatever I want each and every minute of it. Sometimes I feel as if “cheating” is me living a parallel life, or something, and not part of the bigger whole. But the sobering reality is that every choice I make, every minute, effects and shapes the outcome and whether I get where I want to soon, slowly, quickly, with the proper lessons, fleetingly, or not at all. I am in the driver’s seat, and not an imaginary chauffeur who hijacks me on occassion and forces me to eat carbs.

And, as the driver of this vehicle, I am making another, renewed commitment to driving safely and within the speed limit. I needn’t cross over the yellow lines or risk an accident, in order to have an interesting journey. If I want a change of pace or scenery, I can take another complimentary route instead. And if I drive too slowly, I’ll probably never get where I am going, and risk more boredom and complacency along the way.

So, I am better appreciating that the drive is up to me, and can determine many things as I go. I have learned that I get bored quickly, so given this, I should focus on ways I can take scenic routes and introduce some diversity in my choices, at times. I do this in so many other aspects of my life, but rarely in my “drive” (diet). I did leave the Verizon guy with Tom in the middle of the day yesterday, and shopped my head off. I must say that I am even impressed with my purchases, and there are now ingredients for many healthy, low carb., and diverse meals. I bought things like chicken liver, broccoli, shrimp, strawberries and a variety of cheeses. I am now rather looking forward to whipping up some tasty, yet simple meals, and getting on better track. I feel good about this, and ready to re-embrace a healthier lifestyle and attitue. It’s funny that I really didn’t do too badly over the weekend and during my period petulance, although I allowed myself this option and chose to take a back seat to myself and see where I ended up. Quite honestly, I didn’t drive off any cliffs or much more dangerously at all, and surprisingly only stopped for snacks a few times along the way. Despite this, I guess I did need the option for a “fling” to indulge my spirit and allow my rebellious nature one more opportunity. And all I really did was discover that I am possilbly more aware of the rules of the road than I realized, not that interested in breaking them, and too mindful of the possibilites of what a crash could do for me and “my vehicle”, to want to risk it.

Wow!

And perhaps, I have the Debras and such of this site to thank for it, and can feel their hands on the wheel, even when I think I am the only one in the car…! And this sure makes my ability to drive off a cliff a hell of a lot harder to do, and less “glamorous” as well! So I guess I am more of a little old lady driver at this point, and likely to obey the rules of the road in a way that only a more mature, conscientious woman could. Double wow!