Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 199.1 lbs.

I am an addict of many things. Such as gambling, including casinos, scratch-offs, chinese auctions, theme tray auctions, auction auctions, bingo and anything where there may be excitement and a chance to win something.  Also, garage sales, flea markets, estate sales, even thrift stores…places where I may find a “treasure” awaiting appraisal, love or a prize spot in our already cluttered home of sentimental goodies. And of course, food. I’d likely be addicted to alcohol too, but I hate the taste of most booze, and after a bout of extreme drinking while living in the college dorms, swore I wouldn’t let myself continue drinking heavily as I did then for no other reason than to “fit in” and to have fun. And, I might be an IV drug user, if not for the obvious. Although now I am taking some liberties, I guess…har har.

Seriously though, I/we are BAD, and can be hedonistic messes if we allow ourselves. As we were now both days of the weekend for no other reason than that it was a holiday. We returned to the casino with the odd theory that the best way to treat a hangover is to “drink” some more. In an odd way, although we did lose again, we felt better afterwards, perhaps because we rode the waves for a bit longer, or maybe because we now know that we are truly done with this foolishness for some time to come and have no other significant reasons to go back for a while. Except for Tom’s April 15th birthday! Arghhh… although we have already discussed this and decided we have played and lost enough to span both of our birthdays, so must find another way or place to celebrate this year, despite our tradition.

And believe it or not, one of the most disappointing things about yesterday, was the fact that there were a zillion people in the buffet line, such that we had to throw in the towel, and never even got to eat the Easter meal that was half of our rationale for going in the first place. Instead, we ended up having chili (both of us) and Tom a burger, and I a burger salad, at the Blues restaurant inside the casino. No one was there, because they were all at the friggin buffet, and probably felt as if a Blues restauraunt was a sad and wobegone place to celebrate Easter. Which it was!

I ate just part of my chili and none of my burger salad, and took the rest home for the week. I actually didn’t eat that much yesterday, although can’t say that I was an angel either. I remain “off the wagon” both diet and exercise wise, as I have been lax in both areas. Today, as Diana said in her comments, is a new day however, and I do plan to work out as soon as I finish here, and get back in the swing diet wise as well. I certainly have plenty of good leftovers for this, including ham, the burger salad, and even leftover souvlaki from a dinner out we had on Friday night. It’s getting a little long in the tooth, but is still tasty.

So…there you have my blog/confessional, and hope that telling all my sins may cleanse me somehow, and allow me to find my way once again. I suppose that there are worse things to be and do, although at times, I can’t think of any. Addiction in any form is clearly not good, and makes me feel out of control, impotent and use judgement that I wouldn’t normally use. I am generally a sensible, level headed and even frugal individual, so it is an odd dichotomy to swing into a state of such total abandon where my head is clearly no longer what rules. Fortunately, I am aware that staying away from whatever “excites” me is the best method for abstinence, whether it be a casino, a bingo hall, a flea market or a dorito.

So I guess this means the cheez-its for my group must be actually taken to work and hidden from my ready access, and I be locked in the bathroom for all eternity to limit my exposure to any real world opportunities for playing or purchasing.

Or something like that…!