Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 198.1 lbs.

I may be losing, but I’m not stupid. I KNOW that I still look bad in shorts. If  I’ve ever worn them in the past, they must be the capri type, that because I am short, ultimately end up practically looking like long pants anyway. They typically hang to my ankles.

Yesterday, I feel in love with a pair of cargo type pants while out shlupping, and although I had no plans to buy clothes nor have I purchased a single new clothing item in ages, I relented and purchased them. They are gray, and just the right length, meaning that they hang to just below my knee and allow the nicer, skinnier part of my leg to show and tan and feel the cool breezes. While still covering up the now dangly, saggy, blubby part of my leg. That looks like a deflated balloon.

I may actually wear them! What a concept in attire! They are slightly tight however, being just an x-large, and a small x-lg at that, I think. I think they may be perfect around the time we rent the cottage on the lake, in July. Not that I CAN’T wear them now, but they do make my butt and tummy protrude more than usual.

It is funny how I do gravitate not only to clothes that cover up, but manly clothes with lots of pockets and that hefty look. The dainty woman’s shorts, all frilly or skimpy or pink, leave me disinterested at best, and incredulous at worse. I guess that even bariatric surgery and the weight that comes off as a result, doesn’t rewire one’s innate preferences or vision of themselves.

Which is ok ’cause I expect that I’d look silly all dolled up and feminine! No matter what I might weigh!

But, there is hope that this is gearing up to be a summer where I can at least dress for the weather as long as my danglies are covered, and enjoy the warmth without baking in it due to covering up from head to toe in hiding. And to this, I say “welcome summer” and “real” shorts, here I come!!