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Weight: 201.4 lbs.
…it will just be a distant memory that it took me like 9 years to get down into the hundreds. One of these days, I will look back at this and laugh. And one of these days, I will no longer care that I kept creeping UP instead of down, in these critical weeks and days, while following a strict diet and doing the best I know how.
One of these days I will also probably have been driven insane with frustration, and will have to resort to doing this blog from the psych. center!
Sigh.
Perhaps it was the peanuts I had last evening while watching a movie with company. I felt justified as I was quite hungry, and as I had eaten so little during the day. I had my usual eggy breakfast, a slice of cheese for lunch, and some chicken and beef souvlaki for dinner. While out much of the day, I did get overly hungry, and realized that I was dumb to have forgotten to bring some kind of a snack item to span the many hours that we were away from home. We ended up walking away from the chinese auction that we were at, and heading about 10 brisk blocks over to where Tom’s sister lives in Kenmore. It was a beautiful day out, and we had decided that rather than wait the few hours for the auction calling, that we’d take some time out to visit Joan and Ron, and then walk back a few hours later for the calling. We kept a good pace and I was slightly winded both directions, but it felt great, and was a good substitute for the workout I couldn’t fit in in the morning. All told, it took us about 45 minutes to get there and back. And while visiting, Ron gave us both a slice of cheese (the only Atkins friendly item I could have), which sort of tided me over until dinner, albeit barely.
So…between the walking workout and the moderate eating, I figured I MUST be on a roll and surely could afford some evening nuts. But, perhaps not…given what the scale now says. And yes, I am starting to feel snarky and deprived about all this! And am unconvinced about the whole sodium thing….although yes, yes, I know,the nuts have salt.
Today I think I will bring some of my many leftover salads to the charity benefit we are spending the day at, so as not to get too hungry once again, and be tempted by the many food items I recall them to have at these things. We will be there for several straight hours, and I can’t afford to get all trapped and starving like I stupidly did yesterday. Even Tom got so hungry that he bought bad snack stuff like Fritos, at the auction.
I guess the moral of the story must be something about fortitude, stick-with-it-ness, and patience. And, perhaps continuing to keep an eye on what foods or habits cause retention or stalls or whatever, and to try even harder the next day. If I weren’t so addicted to nuts, I’d try to give them up altogether for at least a week or so, and see what happens. Maybe I can do this at least for today….
And in the mean time, finding the silver lining of weighing just slightly over 200 lbs., can’t hurt either. The anticipation and excitement alone, of being so near to a whole new category of numbers, should keep the juices flowing and the going interesting! Whoopie!
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Weight: 200.8 lbs.
I’m not going to get all excited about being so close to the 100’s this time, as I refuse to allow myself to be crushed again, if I go up instead of down. I still fear that if I so much as look at a bowl of salty soup, I’ll shoot back up to my pre-surgery weight, or something.
Yesterday, after feeling so stressed as to have picked a horrible fight with Tom over virtually nothing when he came home from work, it was clear to both of us that we need a break. We had entertained the idea of going to the casino last night anyway, and I think it was just “what the doctor ordered.” I have been working very hard both at work and at home lately, and it was time to let my hair down, and play equally as hard.
So off we went, and it was mobbed! Mercifully, the buffet too, necessitating that we come up with a plan B for dinner. So, we ended up at this new joint in the casino, called “The Blues.” I was pleased to see that I could order something called a hamburger salad, and it was quite good. It had a big burger patty atop salad with shredded cheese and crumbled bacon. I ate very little, and Tom ran to put the leftovers in the car…where unfortunately they probably botulized, as we didn’t then leave the casino until after 1:00 am! But, the good news, is that we came home $820 ahead, largely thanks to Tom who was a winning machine. For my part, I mostly ran the casino looking for him and burning off calories!
Now we are all pooped, but happy. I barely slept last night though, as I think that I was both overtired and overstimulated. I got on this site after 1:30 am and wrote back to a few people, and I apologize for whatever drivel I may have said, as I am sure I was quite delirious at the time. I still am, for that matter!
Today we have to run around for errands, and then to a chinese auction that starts at noon. Same thing tomorrow actually, as we are going to the “Fur Ball”, which is a fundraiser for the cat charity that we belong to. Today we are going alone, but tomorrow we are going with two couples who are our friends. In any event, it is becoming clear that this is play weekend, and I am very happy about this. Tonight as well, we are having another friend over…so all told, we will be kept busy with good people and good times. Maybe this will help me to chill, and work out the crawly anxiety and stress that had built up through the week.
And, as to the job, after a long talk with my supervisor, it remains unclear whether she too is going to leave, as they are entertaining the idea of replacing both her, and my other departing supervisor, with just one individual. Which makes a lot of sense, except the part about who this person might be, how we could possibly find such a versatile and knowledgeable individual, and that they will likely be a total stranger to us, which will be sad and difficult. If MaryEllen is leaving too, there is no way that I could or would consider anything administrative, as I couldn’t function this way alone. She did give me “permission” to carry out some extra supervisory type responsibilities which I would like to do to actually make my current quality assurance job easier, and this I can and will do and welcome. Beyond this, now my anxiety stems from overall questions and limbo as to where our little clinic is heading…but at least, not to where I may fit into this picture. I did also reassure her that I could and would step up temporarily if this helped the cause, and we both agreed that this may be needed, and a doable construct.
Well, I am off to cleanse my soul more, and have much to do before we head out soon. I fear that my work out may have gotten squeezed out by my late awakening, as now breakfast and the day, are beckoning. I plan to continue the Atkins mentality, and eat sparingly, as I did again yesterday. I did not succeed in having liquids all day as I had considered, but did have just shakes for both breakfast and dinner. I do know that I won’t be this good today however, and in fact, my leftover burger salad is beckoning as I write this!
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Weight: 202.1 lbs.
I was able to sleep in this morning. Glorious, peaceful, necessary sleep. Nothing too urgent that I had to rise as early as usual. Woo Hoo!
The only problem is that it’s before 6:00, and I am wide awake and blogging here. For no real reason other than that I am too wired and anxious to sleep still. Damn it! I am so tired!
But, the good news, is that my weight does seem to be creeping back down. Unless this doesn’t stick either. Unfortunately, my faith and trust in the concept of weight loss has been shook up some, and it may take some time before I believe in the idea of the scale going down, and not up, as it always used to. In this vein, there are no promises for tomorrow. And, I am well aware that I am still spending all this time and energy to simply get BACK down to a number I was at nearly a whole week ago.
I am actually thinking of doing only liquids today. My rationale is to flush any final sodium etc. out, and to once again cleanse my “palate” and restart things. I found myself feeling cravey and munchy all yesterday, and feared that I was heading back into old ways. I fantasized about things like cheez-its and pretzels more than I have in weeks, and had a wierd, restless hunger thing going on all day. I didn’t succumb, but was closer to it than I have been for a long time. And, I did eat wierdly, substituting meals for “snacks”, such as eating nuts only for “lunch,” rather than a more balanced choice. Then, last night I ate peanut butter (natural, for all its worth) out of the jar with a spoon. And Tom’s left over spaghetti sauce, straight up, also with a spoon. !!! I only really do this either when I am craving something sweet, or I am restless. I think it was the latter…but fortunately, this satisfied me enough after a few teasspoons of both, that I didn’t tear into something worse, as I really was tempted to do. I’m not sure what, as we have no real bad foods left at home, but I’m sure that I would have figured something out!
This morning, Tom announced that he is down to 193, possibly as a result of the banishment of most pure sugar and carb items from our pantry. I am glad for him, but he is sure making my goal of weighing less than him that much more difficult! Especially when I go UP and he goes down!
Today, since I am up so early after all, I do plan to make some good use of this time. I am taking off from work, unless my supervisor calls me in when I call her to discuss shop anyway. I am rather hoping that we can do what we need to on the phone, as for now, I’d rather gnaw my arms off than head to work. I feel quite burnt out and depleted, and want to focus my energies on household matters, like prepping for the May garage sale.
Last night I spent time with Tom setting things up in the garage, and find that we have TONS of things for the selling. Everything from the ordinary cast-offs to valuable collectibles and Chinese Auction wins. I took them out of boxes and such, and the 10 tables we have already set up, aren’t nearly enough to accomadate. I called Pete who will lend us four more, and hopefully this will suffice. Until my friends who were invited to participate start bringing their stuff over! It should be quite a production, and since I picked May 1st and 2nd, it is coming up all too soon. I’d better get cracking! let’s hope it doesn’t snow then!!
Then later today, I will follow up with my supervisor about many things, but most importantly, the open position. That I am probably out of my mind to even consider, and that I probably won’t anymore, after our talk. I need to decide soon and lay this to rest one way or the other, becasue as always, limbo is the worst state to be in, and I can’t handle the anxiety and stress. And I can’t afford to gain even more weight because of it!
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Weight: 203.3 lbs.
Today’s titile is a play on words. Its duel meaning should be apparent to those who follow my posts and especially my recent ones of frustration with my mysterious weight gains. I am trying to cheer myself up and spin things into an optimistic reframe, so work with me on this!
Seriously though, I almost forgot to post today, because when I signed on this morning I had so many wonderful and helpful commments to read and answer, I felt “done” and nearly signed off when I finished. I was headed for the shower when I remembered that I hadn’t written anything today! LOL! Yesterday’s comments include a new commenter I find especially intriguing as we share the same degree and profession, and are both nearly the same amount of time out, post surgery. And she too is struggling to lose as she had before. If you are a reader of this blog but don’t ever get to the comments section, you are missing out on a lot of great advice, ideas, repetoire and sidebars. My blog is starting to feel almost secondary to me!
But, I will try to be as interesting here just the same…so here goes!
I did measure my waist as was suggested by a loyal commenter, and guess what?! Despite having just done so quite recently and being certain that nothing had changed, it actually had! I am down 2 inches since I last checked, and my faith in things is restored as a result. Barb had said to me in last night’s phone call, that she’d rather lose inches than pounds, and I had agreed. So, now I feel as if I am getting my just rewards, despite the damn scale going pretty much no where but up! So there, stupid scale!!
And this despite that I now have not worked out in nearly a week (for rather obvious reasons, for those who follow here!) I do intend to get back on this tomorrow, and may kick up the routine to try and jump start things that much more.
I am also trying to reconcile the whole sodium thing, and remain hopeful that my gains have been a reflection of salt intake and water retention. Or, perhaps my metabolism has become sluggish as a result of my now more restricted diet, and I may need to at least consider some better balance here. I do find that I am actually eating very little, and yesterday, thought that I actually hadn’t eaten enough. What a bizarre concept for me!!
I had my usual egg dish for breakfast, then promptly forgot to bring anything to work for lunch. Fortunately I did have Atkins bars in my desk drawer, so when I had a rare moment to grab a quick bite, I had one of these. That was all I ate all day, until I got home at nearly 6:30, from work.
Then, I had shrimp cocktail (and must admit that the premade sauce, did have “sugar” in its ingredients), and some more of the split pea soup that I’ve been eating like all week. (There is only enough left for one more serving, and then I think I will lay off the salty soups for a while!)
That was the entirety of my intake yesterday, except for liberal amounts of herbals teas, decaf, half and half coffee, and Crystal Light.
I am unsure of what I will eat today, but can say that mercifully, my work day should be less taxing and long, and this may help with the concept of balance.
An added stress and focus in my life lately, has been the possible opportunity to take the supervisory position that is about to be vacated in our department. It is up for grabs, and I am torn about whether to put my hat in the ring. I am already doing a lot of the administrative work, often consult with and advise my colleagues anyway, and have been there long enough (over 15 years) that I know the job inside and out. However, it comes with a grave amount of responsibility, including the potential for call-ins, emergencies, overseeing distasteful things like audits, and the need to deal with upper level administrators and the likes. These are not my strengths, as I can be accused of not only being non-political and administrator minded, but of being too emotional and sensitive to handle the rigors of a business model. I am also quite good friends with all my immediate colleagues who I would then have to supervise, and I would fear that this could change the dynamics and nature of our relationships.
So, I am torn with whether to seriously consider this or not, but do plan to talk more with my 2nd supervisor about this tomorrow. As she and I would share the duty and have to work closely with one another, her feelings and feedback are critical to me, and what she says will make or break my desicion as to whether to even pursue this any further, or not.
In any case, the anxiety and stress associated with all of this, perhaps of my own doing, is taking a toll on my mood and sleep, and I am finding myself weary, yet too stressed to be restful at night. I do wonder if this isn’t helping my progress weight wise, as I know that stress hormones can kick in and wreak their own kind of havoc. I will be glad to get back on the treadmill and such tomorrow, as this may help take my anxiety down a notch!!
Well…I’m glad I remembered to post after all! What about you?!
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Weight: 203.3 lbs.
If this weren’t my actual life, I think that I would quit, right now. Seriously…I feel like saying that “I give up”, “I’m throwing in the towel”, “I quit”, “never mind”, and, “what the heck”. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), this isn’t an option.
I am more discouraged than possibly at any time since surgery so far, however, and feel “broken” in some way. I do appreciate the comments regarding my weight gain likely relating to sodium intake, and desperately hope this is so…but still wonder how I could keep steadily going up like never before, simply over salt. I did take my blood pressure this morning to see if sodium might be wreaking some sort of havoc with me, and it was a very respectable 105/71. And, unlike just before my period, I no longer feel bloated.
I will admit to eating a third of a can of Campbell’s pea soup last night, and am aware that this has a lot of salt in it. This was all I had for dinner, and at nearly 8:00 pm, as I didn’t get home from a very long day at work until nearly then. Tom was eating a large plate of spaghetti when I arrived, and I could think of nothing I wanted to eat but a little bowl of hot, nurturing soup. So, that is all I had, followed later by a few glasses of Crystal Light.
During the very busy day, I managed to sneak in 2 diet cheese sticks and a 120 calorie low fat yogurt. I also nibbled on some desk cashews while writing up my progress notes.
For breakfast, I had 2 eggs scrambled with a little skim milk, shredded cheddar, and a pat of butter.
That was my whole day’s eating…every bite, nothing more. And by my math, I gained another .8 lbs.
Other than the soup and nuts, nothing had much sodium in it, either.
I do admit that I haven’t worked out in threee days (of my period), and that I have been more weary as a result probably of this as well as of a very hectic schedule both at work and at home. Until last night when I went to bed very early and slept in (it’s now 7:30 which is very late for me), I have felt rather sleep deprived and was awakening and arising much earlier. I do know that this can effect both hormones and weight loss, but still question any of these things ability to put this much weight back on me.
Am I going to go up again tomorrow? Is this my new way of being, post pouch test? Despite eating less and better? This is me whining now, and grousing about how unfair and backwards this is starting to seem. I am actually less hungry, less motivated by food, more balanced in my perspective (otherwise!) and “calmer” about food with fewer cravings, than before - and this is what happens with my weight?!
Ackkk…all I can say is today I will attempt to flush, flush, flush, and see where this takes me. But, if I go up more tomorrow, I’m gonna eat my own shorts which I’m sure will really ruin my diet!
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Weight: 202.5 lbs.
It’s just a number. It is just a number. The fact that I GAINED like 2 lbs. not just on weigh-in day, but as I was approaching the 100’s, is not going to get the better of me. It is just water. It must be my period. It IS just a number. It is just (a devastating) number. It is just a number (that demoralizes and stymies).
Aghhh!!
I can understand better some of my gains and hovers of recent past when I cheated on carbs and tested the waters, but why now?! Really?! I think I have been doing everything I can and should be, ala Atkins and everything. Yesterday, for instance, I finished off the chicken souvlaki for breakfast, and left the pita for Tom in its entirity. In the past, I may have nibbled on it too - but I have been extremely religious about banning white carbs altogether since the pouch test.
Later, I had some peanuts salted with sea salt (out of the can)…a serving or so, and some shredded cheese. I am wierd, and for snack, I sometimes like to eat bites of shrerdded cheddar out of the package. This was snack/lunch, although later I had 3 slices of Hormel turkey out of the package - giving the edges to the cats.
For dinner, Tom and I made these fabulous salads with lettuce, a can of tuna and the remaining slices of leftover turkey all cut up, some hot pepper rings, crushed walnuts, some flax seeds and some (more) shredded cheese, on top. I added some blue cheese dressing from the bottle…and it was a crunchy, filling, hearty dinner.
Should I have gained 2 lbs. on this?? I truly am perplexed and upset, especially because I don’t understand what I may have done to cause it, so I can’t know what to do differently to change. And other than eating Atkin’s like, what COULD I be doing? At 200 lbs. still, you’d think I could lose on such a diet. Can hormones still really be all to blame here? Salt??
Big sigh….
It’s just a number (my foot!!)
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Weight: 200.6 lbs.
Aghhh…I am still hovering above the 200 lb. mark. Now, I am very eager and excited to get under it, and pray not to do the hover thing at such a time. I did eat very minimally yesterday as I felt like crap, so am actually a little surprised to have not dropped, and to have gone up a wee bit instead. It would be quite cruel if this continued at such a moment, and although technically it means little in the big scheme of things, I think most people could relate to what being UNDER 200 can represent, especially given the run that this all has been.
My next goal after that will be to be under whatever Tom is at the time (195?), and then to my marriage weight of 188. After that, 182 sticks in my mind, as this is what I weighed after losing 100 lbs. on Atkins 10 years ago, and is possibly the lowest weight I have been at since my 20’s. Now that I am back on track, I do see these numbers as possibilities, whereas before, they were starting to feel unachievable. Having goals like these is helping me to stay focused as well, and they aren’t such low numbers that they also seem too far off and possibly lower than where I can hope to be this millenium. I can’t say for sure, but I remain unconvinced that I will ever be a 130 pounder. We’ll have to see, won’t we. At least I am starting to make up a little for some big lost time, and am now comfortably over the 100 lb. loss mark.
I do wonder if I have any bariatric advantage left. Barb asked me this same question over the weekend, and I am not sure if I know the answer. At 10.5 months out, other than my stomach being smaller than the average Joe, is there anything else left to having had roux-en-Y that may help me to lose any faster or easier than anyone else on the same diet?? I also wonder how some people seem to lose well into their second post-op year, while others seem “done” much sooner. Is this a factor of how much someone has already lost towards goal, compliance, or that some have more “advantage” left, than others (ie:malabsorbtion). I am suddenly feeling rather confused about the concepts and breakdown of what helps make bariatric surgery work above and beyond what a diet may afford.
And speaking of diet, I stuck with a shake, leftover chicken souvlaki, chicken soup minus the noodles (Healthy Choice brand), and an avocado, yesterday. Although I had hoped to sit around moaning yesterday, our computer woes meant that I had to mobilize myself to shop around for replacements in the afternoon, with Tom, and spend much of the morning working with Kevin (while Tom was at church), diagnosing and fixing technical issues. You know…stuff I hate so much that I’d rather stick pins in my eyeballs than deal with. This, plus my period, truly made me lose my appetite.
Today is already looking like it may be a repeat of yesterday in every miserable way. I hafta take my car to get the snow tires off, then Tom and I have several computer and non computer related errands to run. Then, I have a “date” to talk with the lady from Verizon Fios, where we are thinking of switching our service to from Time Warner. I have already logged like 50 phone and research hours into this switch, and hate that you have to have like a PhD to know how to get the best “bundle” deal for internet, phone and cable. And, just when it appeared that we were in the homestretch, I read the fine print that Fios is not compatible with computers loaded with Windows XP - 64 bit…which is exactly what Tom has. I have no idea what a “bit” is, nor do I care, but on top of the glitches he has, this is likely gonna be the deal breaker that compels us to replace his system and create more electronic chaos in the short term.
Joy.
So…if I sound grumpy and my blogs get shorter for a while, it may relate. In short, it seems that I need not just a bariatric mentor, but an electronic one as well!!
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Weight: 200.5 lbs.
Hey…I may be closing in on the 100’s!! As was predicted in a recent comment, I have in fact dropped some good weight all of a sudden, with the onset of my big “p.” Yeah! If I wasn’t in so much pain, I’d be even more thrilled!
After the fun yet socially taxing events of yesterday, I tried to relax in front of the tv late last night, only to fall into a drooling sleep and miss whatever I had on. Tom had already smartly abandoned me for an actual bed, and I might still be in the chair if I hadn’t woken with a start when the commercials got louder. Then, I slept poorly and fitfully, with many awakenings to use the bathroom. This, combined with the fact that we have “lost” an hour, has left me groggy, tired and more messed up than usual even. The cramps aren’t helping any. But at least my weight dropped!
Mercifully, I should have an “off” day, asisde from the fact that my boss and friend Kevin may come over to help with ever increasing computer glitches and concerns. He called to see if he could come over yesterday, but our day was so full of social events, that we didn’t have time for him although technically (no pun intended!), this is a priority. We are actually thinking that we may need to look into replacing this (Tom’s) old computer, so will likely add this to the long list of things to consider and do. I HATE things like this more than nearly all else, so am not thrilled at the prospect of replacing this machine, or especially, whatever it entails to save all the crapola off of it into an external drive, or whatever. Kill me now…please!
At least yesterday I was more in my element, and we had a wonderful visit with old friends, culminating in a wonderful dinner at a very packed Pano’s restaurant. I ordered the chicken souvlaki dish, and one thing I loved, was that they have a lot of choices for sides, so I wasn’t compelled to get potatoes, as is typically so. Instead I ordered the grilled veggies, which were a delightful mix of peppers, mushrooms and zucchini…all Atkins friendly and delicious! And I shouldn’t talk in the past tense, as they are lots left for today! Yum!
After hanging with these friends, we rushed home and met up with Barb, who then accompanied us to the bariatric center’s open house. We both took whatever clothes we felt might do from the 18-20 pile, after bringing items for the larger size piles. Everyone was nice and I actually met some interesting people from my field of developmental disabilities and sister agencies, as well as a woman who even works where I do that I hadn’t met before. There was also shake and food samplings, and an opportunity to try a powder called “nectar” that comes in a canister like shake mix, but looks blue when combined with water. It is a high protein (23 grams, I think) mix, with no carbs or sugars, and actually tastes rather like crystal light! It sounds very versatile from the label, and even notes that you can eat it “raw” from the container, and it tastes like candy! Go figure! The lady behind the counter said that it can be purchased at health food stores, so I will definitely keep an eye out. What a cool idea in lieu of a shake!
And, speaking of, I am hungry and thirsty and had better sign off, as technically I am an hour behind this morning, as are you, because of mother nature or whatever…and there is lots already to catch up on!!
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Weight: 202.3 lbs.
Today’s title means nothing. I’m just checking to see if you are paying attention! (But its a disgustingly intriguing idea, isn’t it?!)
Well, I obviously didn’t eat these, as I managed to squeak down a little in weight, despite my bloatiness. Which has still not “produced.”
Today we are leaving soon to spend the day with two very old friends, one of whom we haven’t seen in over twenty years. We recently rekindled with her sister, Rose, but this will be our first time seeing Nancy, and we are excited. We do have plans to eat out at a Greek restaurant called “Panos,” and this should be a safe place for me to order an Atkins friendly meal. Hopefully I will continue in the better vein that I have been in and remain on a carb restricted diet. This will be the first time in quite some time that I am eating out however, so I am a tad apprehensive as this has historically been somewhat of a challenge for me.
Afterwards, Tom and I and possibly our friends Barb and Rick, are heading to the bariatric center’s open house. They are having raffles, a spring clothing exchange and demonstrations etc. I am happy to check them out and possibly leave with some smaller sized clothes as a substitute for the two and three x’s that I am bringing.
Yesterday I ate pretty good, and had a less insane and more manageable day at work. I stuck to my usual egg and cheese breakfast, a cheese stick “lunch”, some peanuts later, and a broiled fish patty with some mixed brocolli/cauliflower and carrots with cheese sauce side dish. Later, I mixed some strawberry protein powder in crystal light. And lost weight finally!
Hopefully I am back to a downward trend, although I doubt that I can register the bigger losses as I did on the pouch test. But, in this sense, it was sure fun while it lasted! Now I am hooked on the great feeling that comes from seeing the scale move, and had nearly forgotten how exhilirating this can be. It helps to keep me “honest.”
Well, I’d better head off to ready myself for the big day…and am grateful that its bigness consists of good friends, R & R, and leisure, instead of work, at least for today!!
Hey, and don’t forget to turn your clocks ahead an hour tonight!
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Weight: 203.7 lbs.
I am chagrined to have gone up a little more in wieght, and continue to hope that it is a factor of “timing.” I got home from work after 7:30 last night, and ate a late dinner, and wonder too if the stress of this lately combined with odd hours and habits of eating as I try to fit things in both during and after long work days, is effecting me.
Yesterday I saw 9 clients, including a very “animated” family, took two crises phone calls including one that involved a suicidal young man, met with my boss in the evening regarding all my new responsibilities, and waded through weeks of paperwork. And I am more behind in everything today than when I began early yesterday morning. Needless to say, I merely had time to chew a cheesestick here, eat a diet yogurt and grab a handful of cashews, there. All told, I ate only these three things in an 11 hour workday, along with several cups of herbal tea, vitamin water type drinks, and decaf. Before I left, I sucked down two scrambled eggs mixed with some chesse.
When I got home after 7:30, spent and near ready for bed instead of dinner, I had Tom’s leftover bowl of tuna mixed with diet mayo. And a few sips of leftover pea soup. Just before bed (at 10:00, which is late for me these days, but if any earlier, I wouldn’t have had time enough to eat and take my vitamins in the required 2 hours of spacing between them), I drank two scoops of strawberry protein powder mixed in strawberry crystal light.
That’s it for the day. And I gained…?!
I sure hope it’s my miserable pre-”M” state of being wreaking further havoc! I am ready to move on with this, but I’ve noticed that as I’ve aged, this process has become more insufferable, elongated, taxing and horrible. At this point, I welcome the hot and cold flashes of menopause! (Alright, don’t make me eat these words if I am still blogging into my 50’s and complain of them at that time!)
In any event, I am off soon to do “it” all over again, although I hope to be home for a normal timed dinner, and have more options today as a result.
It sure is hard to be as good or focused with this new schedule and stressors, but I will keep trying to find my balance, and hope to do better in all ways anyway, perhaps next week without the added “fun” of raging hormones. In the mean time, I’ll try to watch my weight resume its hoveriness with as much of a grain of salt as I can muster….
Sigh.
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March 21st, 2010 | 
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