Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 199.4 lbs.

Well, I did it! I managed to have an all shake day to detoxify myself and try and get back on track. Except for the few chucks ‘o fruit I added to the mixture, I didn’t deviate from a typical day one of the pouch test, and could tell that I needed to pee out a lot of excess fluid, just as I had last time I drank my “food”.

I now feel a little more comfortably in the 100’s, and hope to be back on better track. Today is gearing up to be a long and challenging day whereby I work until late and have many clients, so I hope that the stress of this doesn’t throw me off. I am planning ahead and packing proper work foods in anticipation that I will likely only have moments here and there between clients to grab a quick bite, so I should be able to do ok. I am feeling less beaten down and anxious about things, and feel a marked improvemnet of what appeared to be a depression of sorts, last week. I no longer have that creeping feeling of dread, or feel overwhelmed by relatively simple tasks. In fact, yesterday, I remodeled our whole living room and other parts of the house, for no real reason other than that I had excess energy, and felt like it. Tom came home from work and never even noticed a thing until hours later when I couldn’t take it any more, and walked him through the substantial changes. He’s such a man!

And speaking of Tom, his weight is my next goal. He weighed himself early this morning, and announced that he is just under 193. Perhaps I’ll get there in April or May, if I stay good. Of course by then, he may have lost more, and I’ll have to work harder to bypass him. On the other hand, given how much and poorly he usually eats, this can’t be terribly likely, sad to say. Despite my efforts to encourage and enlighten, he is a huge carb-aholic, and his favorite and frequently eaten foods are things like pasta, bagels and breads, including occassional sneaked things like cookies and muffins.

So, I not only have to pass Tom in weight, but resist the foods he brings in and eats in front of me. When I have decarbed myself, this isn’t so hard, but once I am back into a sugary way, it can be excrutiating. This is why I am renewing my efforts to eradicate this from my diet once again, and get back into the much easier mode where cravings and “hunger” no longer dictate to and rule me. I can never afford to be beholden to food like this again, but especially not now as I have a goal and a mission, and must remain diligent and focused if I dare to achieve this.

A day at a time….