Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 200.8 lbs.

I’m not going to get all excited about being so close to the 100’s this time, as I refuse to allow myself to be crushed again, if I go up instead of down. I still fear that if I so much as look at a bowl of salty soup, I’ll shoot back up to my pre-surgery weight, or something.

Yesterday, after feeling so stressed as to have picked a horrible fight with Tom over virtually nothing when he came home from work, it was clear to both of us that we need a break. We had entertained the idea of going to the casino last night anyway, and I think it was just “what the doctor ordered.” I have been working very hard both at work and at home lately, and it was time to let my hair down, and play equally as hard.

So off we went, and it was mobbed! Mercifully, the buffet too, necessitating that we come up with a plan B for dinner. So, we ended up at this new joint in the casino, called “The Blues.” I was pleased to see that I could order something called a hamburger salad, and it was quite good. It had a big burger patty atop salad with shredded cheese and crumbled bacon. I ate very little, and Tom ran to put the leftovers in the car…where unfortunately they probably botulized, as we didn’t then leave the casino until after 1:00 am! But, the good news, is that we came home $820 ahead, largely thanks to Tom who was a winning machine. For my part, I mostly ran the casino looking for him and burning off calories!

Now we are all pooped, but happy. I barely slept last night though, as I think that I was both overtired and overstimulated. I got on this site after 1:30 am and wrote back to a few people, and I apologize for whatever drivel I may have said, as I am sure I was quite delirious at the time. I still am, for that matter!

Today we have to run around for errands, and then to a chinese auction that starts at noon. Same thing tomorrow actually, as we are going to the “Fur Ball”, which is a fundraiser for the cat charity that we belong to. Today we are going alone, but tomorrow we are going with two couples who are our friends. In any event, it is becoming clear that this is play weekend, and I am very happy about this. Tonight as well, we are having another friend over…so all told, we will be kept busy with good people and good times. Maybe this will help me to chill, and work out the crawly anxiety and stress that had built up through the week.

And, as to the job, after a long talk with my supervisor, it remains unclear whether she too is going to leave, as they are entertaining the idea of replacing both her, and my other departing supervisor, with just one individual. Which makes a lot of sense, except the part about who this person might be, how we could possibly find such a versatile and knowledgeable individual, and that they will likely be a total stranger to us, which will be sad and difficult. If MaryEllen is leaving too, there is no way that I could or would consider anything administrative, as I couldn’t function this way alone. She did give me “permission” to carry out some extra supervisory type responsibilities which I would like to do to actually make my current quality assurance job easier, and this I can and will do and welcome. Beyond this, now my anxiety stems from overall questions and limbo as to where our little clinic is heading…but at least, not to where I may fit into this picture. I did also reassure her that I could and would step up temporarily if this helped the cause, and we both agreed that this may be needed, and a doable construct.

Well, I am off to cleanse my soul more, and have much to do before we head out soon. I fear that my work out may have gotten squeezed out by my late awakening, as now breakfast and the day, are beckoning. I plan to continue the Atkins mentality, and eat sparingly, as I did again yesterday. I did not succeed in having liquids all day as I had considered, but did have just shakes for both breakfast and dinner. I do know that I won’t be this good today however, and in fact, my leftover burger salad is beckoning as I write this!