Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 203.3 lbs.

Today’s titile is a play on words. Its duel meaning should be apparent to those who follow my posts and especially my recent ones of frustration with my mysterious weight gains. I am trying to cheer myself up and spin things into an optimistic reframe, so work with me on this!

Seriously though, I almost forgot to post today, because when I signed on this morning I had so many wonderful and helpful commments to read and answer, I felt “done” and nearly signed off when I finished. I was headed for the shower when I remembered that I hadn’t written anything today! LOL! Yesterday’s comments include a new commenter I find especially intriguing as we share the same degree and profession, and are both nearly the same amount of time out, post surgery. And she too is struggling to lose as she had before. If you are a reader of this blog but don’t ever get to the comments section, you are missing out on a lot of great advice, ideas, repetoire and sidebars. My blog is starting to feel almost secondary to me!

But, I will try to be as interesting here just the same…so here goes!

I did measure my waist as was suggested by a loyal commenter, and guess what?! Despite having just done so quite recently and being certain that nothing had changed, it actually had! I am down 2 inches since I last checked, and my faith in things is restored as a result. Barb had said to me in last night’s phone call, that she’d rather lose inches than pounds, and I had agreed. So, now I feel as if I am getting my just rewards, despite the damn scale going pretty much no where but up! So there, stupid scale!!

And this despite that I now have not worked out in nearly a week (for rather obvious reasons, for those who follow here!) I do intend to get back on this tomorrow, and may kick up the routine to try and jump start things that much more.

I am also trying to reconcile the whole sodium thing, and remain hopeful that my gains have been a reflection of salt intake and water retention. Or, perhaps my metabolism has become sluggish as a result of my now more restricted diet, and I may need to at least consider some better balance here. I do find that I am actually eating very little, and  yesterday, thought that I actually hadn’t eaten enough. What a bizarre concept for me!!

I had my usual egg dish for breakfast, then promptly forgot to bring anything to work for lunch. Fortunately I did have Atkins bars in my desk drawer, so when I had a rare moment to grab a quick bite, I had one of these. That was all I ate all day, until I got home at nearly 6:30, from work.

Then, I had shrimp cocktail (and must admit that the premade sauce, did have “sugar” in its ingredients), and some more of the split pea soup that I’ve been eating like all week. (There is only enough left for one more serving, and then I think I will lay off the salty soups for a while!)

That was the entirety of my intake yesterday, except for liberal amounts of herbals teas, decaf, half and half coffee, and Crystal Light.

I am unsure of what I will eat today, but can say that mercifully, my work day should be less taxing and long, and this may help with the concept of balance.

An added stress and focus in my life lately, has been the possible opportunity to take the supervisory position that is about to be vacated in our department. It is up for grabs, and I am torn about whether to put my hat in the ring. I am already doing a lot of the administrative work, often consult with and advise my colleagues anyway, and have been there long enough (over 15 years) that I know the job inside and out. However, it comes with a grave amount of responsibility, including the potential for call-ins, emergencies, overseeing distasteful things like audits, and the need to deal with upper level administrators and the likes. These are not my strengths, as I can be accused of not only being non-political and administrator minded, but of being too emotional and sensitive to handle the rigors of a business model. I am also quite good friends with all my immediate colleagues who I would then have to supervise, and I would fear that this could change the dynamics and nature of our relationships.

So, I am torn with whether to seriously consider this or not, but do plan to talk more with my 2nd supervisor about this  tomorrow. As she and I would share the duty and have to work closely with one another, her feelings and feedback are critical to me, and what she says will make or break my desicion as to whether to even pursue this any further, or not.

In any case, the anxiety and stress associated with all of this, perhaps of my own doing, is taking a toll on my mood and sleep, and I am finding myself weary, yet too stressed to be restful at night. I do wonder if this isn’t helping my progress weight wise, as I know that stress hormones can kick in and wreak their own kind of havoc. I will be glad to get back on the treadmill and such tomorrow, as this may help take my anxiety down a notch!!

Well…I’m glad I remembered to post after all! What about you?!