Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 202.5 lbs.

It’s just a number. It is just a number. The fact that I GAINED like 2 lbs. not just on weigh-in day, but as I was approaching the 100’s, is not going to get the better of me. It is just water. It must be my period. It IS just a number. It is just (a devastating) number. It is just a number (that demoralizes and stymies).

Aghhh!!

I can understand better some of my gains and hovers of recent past when I cheated on carbs and  tested the waters, but why now?! Really?! I think I have been doing everything I can and should be, ala Atkins and everything. Yesterday, for instance, I finished off the chicken souvlaki for breakfast, and left the pita for Tom in its entirity. In the past, I may have nibbled on it too - but I have been extremely religious about banning white carbs altogether since the pouch test.

Later, I had some peanuts salted with sea salt (out of the can)…a serving or so, and some shredded cheese. I am wierd, and for snack, I sometimes like to eat bites of shrerdded cheddar out of the package. This was snack/lunch, although later I had 3 slices of Hormel turkey out of the package - giving the edges to the cats.

For dinner, Tom and I made these fabulous salads with lettuce, a can of tuna and the remaining slices of leftover turkey all cut up, some hot pepper rings, crushed walnuts, some flax seeds and some (more) shredded cheese, on top. I added some blue cheese dressing from the bottle…and it was a crunchy, filling, hearty dinner.

Should I have gained 2 lbs. on this?? I truly am perplexed and upset, especially because I don’t understand what I may have done to cause it, so I can’t know what to do differently to change. And other than eating Atkin’s like, what COULD I be doing? At 200 lbs. still, you’d think I could lose on such a diet. Can hormones still really be all to blame here? Salt??

Big sigh….

It’s just a number (my foot!!)