Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 203.7 lbs.

I am sooo happy that I lost some more, not just because I am now down the 101 lbs. that makes this go around the highest loss in my life, but more importantly, for the psychological boost and confidence that it affords me at this fragile time. I am learning the concepts of cause and effect…a little late, I might add. But, this is something I neglected to appreciate my first time around the bariatric track, so I am making up for some lost time and desperately needing to see this work in a predictable manner. Last night, I got on obesityhelp and read some old posts to catch myself up. (I often lurk, but rarely write). I saw a post about a “calculator” in which you type in your pre-surgery weight, height and percentage of excess weight you hope to lose, and it graphs out, month by month, your exact weight, weight loss, and final weight after 18 months. Many wrote that they were heartened by this, as they were able to type in things like 90%, 95% and even 100%, and they discovered that they were losing right on track for such results. Well, not surprisingly, but dishearteningly none the less, I can only put in like 65%, or the graph shows that I am sorely off track. In fact, to be closer to 90 or 95% even, I believe that I’d have had to have already lost into the 160’s by now. I forget the exact figures, but clearly I am well behind others as I have always suspected, although I am supposedly the exact average at 65%.  Small solace, however.

But, I am hoping that I may possibly pick up some speed now, and maybe even tweak myself up to 70% or more before my months “run out.” Perhaps I will be a late bloomer in this, as I have been every other way in my life. And, I must remind myself that there is really no time equation for what is supposed to be a lifelong journey and not a race. Sounds comforting to me…!

As to my diiet and my dinner out yesterday, here’s the scoop. First off, I must say that two friends and Tom and I had a lovely day driving to Lake Erie and taking in the sights. It was a sparkling clear day and “warm” at about 40 degrees, and the perfect day to meander and enjoy. We arrived at 2:00 to see the cottage on the lake that we were thinking of renting, and I was heartened when the female owner immediately said that she recognized me, and didn’t I work for “UCPA?” Turns out that she was a nurse in the very clinic that I still work in, and we have much in common. Quite cool! Although how she managed to retire into a beautiful lake front home with a rental next door, and I am living in a ranch in Tonawanda, is a disconcerting reality!

However, knowing her helped pave the way, along with the beauty of the site and cottage itself, for our decision to put in a deposit. I am very psyched, and cannot wait for the peace of the surroundings to overtake me come July! What is most relevent here, is the stairs. Oh, the many, many stairs at a steep incline, leading down the embankment to the beach and lake. The stairs that I never could have taken just last year, and that would have been a deal breaker. The stairs that I now actually look forward to walking every day in lieu of access to our basement’s equipment. Although I didn’t have proper winter shoes to walk them yesterday as Tom and Janet did, I can already appreciate how dragging rafts and the likes up and down them will be quite the workout. And don’t care! Everyone agreed that the old me could never have made it, and rather than feeling insulted, I am pleased at the implications that this is no longer so. And that there is a whole world of opportunity for me that just a year ago, the doors were closed on. And I can get back to my “roots” in which nature and outdoors opportunities and not just things like the casino, are included. This brings tears to my eyes!

So, full of joy from this awareness, I made every attempt to choose carefully from the huge menu at “Aunt Millies” diner, where we chose to eat on the trek home. This is a well known restaurant with wonderful homeade breads and desserts, in particular, and very fairly priced and huge portioned meals. And one of my favorite places for all of the above reasons.

But, I only focused on healthy choices, or so I thought, and narrowed it down to the chicken souvlaki, or the chicken stir fry. I chose the later, not thinking there would be rice involved, or what the sauce might consist of. And was upset to see lots of white rice, and notice a sweet and liberally portioned amount of non descript sauce covering everything. I ate a small amount of the tasty meal, and boxed up the rest, but with guilt and heavy heart. When  I asked the waitress what the sauce consists of, she said teriyaki sauce, which really means nothing to non-cooking me. But, I did look it up on-line last night, and think that I was relieved to see that it isn’t as bad sugar, carb or calorie wise as I feared, or as it tastes that it might be. So, I didn’t blow it as I feared I may have, and I think that I can safely enjoy the leftovers, in moderation, of course. And, the fact that I lost some more, tells me that it couldn’t have been too bad…right?

Otherwise, all I ate yesterday was a protein shake for breakfast, two cheese sticks, and a diet yogurt. So, no matter what, this is less than usual, and still better choices. I do wonder about the low fat yogurt though, and how eating this can be ok. It has several grams of sugar and carbs, despite its low calorie count (120 for 8 oz.) and low fat status. How come the sugar content doesn’t ruin everything for the pouch test??

Well…I am off to continue trying to stay on track today, and for now, will take it a day and perhaps an hour at a time. And keep reminding myself of the true goal and purpose here, the joy of rediscovering old opportunities, and of the best that’s yet to come!!