Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 204.3 lbs.

OK - I know that there really isn’t a day six of the pouch test. But, it went so well and I lost so much more than I could have imagined, that I am thinking of stretching it out. To last a lifetime! The concept is that this is the (re)beginning of my journey, and I must adopt the mentality that just because I technically finished the 5 day test, this doesn’t mean that I am “done.”

So…I am off for challenges such as a dinner on the road today, and do plan to choose carefully. I am shocked at how full I can now feel much more quickly than before, and am actually puzzled by this concept. Did my pouch shrink back down? Is it an illusion or like the placebo effect? Or am I just much more mindful of the signals it is sending, now that I have resensitized myself to this?

Yesterday for instance, I made 3 scrambled eggs for breakfast, with some cheese in them. I could literally only eat less than half of it all before I felt that I might puke. I put the rest in a small container, and ate them at my desk at work. Along with a cheese stick and a low fat yogurt, as the day progressed. For dinner, I had looked forward to the chicken liver I had bought earlier this week to celebrate my fifth day with. I made them up with some onions, and could only eat a little before I was stuffed. Later, I did eat some more, but actually must have overdid it, because I was still so full by bed time that I felt uncomfortable and sick. I am still struggling some with the concept and feeling of full, and clearly exceeded it with my second round of liver, but am still amazed at how quickly this now occurs and how much stronger the signals are. Where have I been all my post bariatric life??

So, I truly can’t say enough for the pouch test and the new hope that it has infused me with. The fact that I have lost as much as I have is very heartening to me as well, and in case anyone else has not noticed, I will also spell it out. Today I reached my 100th pound!!!! A week ago, I had practically given up all hope that I would get here at all. My next goal is 101, as this will represent the largest weight loss in my adult life. Then, to under 200. Then, to under Tom’s current weight of 198. 

Fortunately, none of these numbers are far off, and there is actually hope now that I am on a roll again, that I will reach them some time this millenium! It is so interesting to see that I CAN indeed lose, and that clearly a carb and portion restricted diet is the key. I was obviously off track in both ways before, and THIS no doubt, largely led to my slow progress. This is the first time that I now feel that I have the means to control this process and the outcome, as before it seemed to be beyond me in many ways, and my stalls and hovers felt inexplicable at times. It is so good to see that in fact my pouch ain’t broken, and neither am I!

So, with only some mild trepidation, I am off to live out day 6 and beyond, and see how I fare under less restrictive circumstances except those that I continue to impose on myself now that I know I can and still be satisfied.  Woo Hoo to that!!