Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 205.5 lbs.

Wow, I made it! The key now though is to not look at this as a marathon that I won and am done with, and resume old bad habits unthinkingly afterwards. I am a little worried because tomorrow we are traveling about 90 minutes away with two friends to visit a lake front cottage that Tom and I are thinking of renting for a week this summer. We will be gone and acting as tourists all day, and plan to eat out somewhere different and nice in the Chatauqua Lake area while at it. It will be my first and biggest test since the pouch test, and I will have to remain on my better game or risk reintroducing old ways right off the bat.

Overall, this is my fear, despite the fact that currently I do feel better balanced physically and emotionally, and more in touch with my pouch. It’s the damn head stuff that I worry about, and the nagging voices within that simply SEE food, and want it. And that still miss the comfort and pleasure of a good nibble fest. I imagine that for someone without a weight problem, this would be like asking them to refrain from anything but celery sticks or something, during the super bowl. I know that even “normal” eaters look forward to being surrounded by fatty and yummy “bad” snacks of all kinds during times of leisure  as a  means of entertaining or stress relief, and I would guess that even moderate eaters would mourn if not able to imbide on a variety of things of their choosing during such social or entertaining events, especially. Well, my worst times seem to be after work and when trying to capture the ultimate in relaxation and stress relief. This is when I can think of nothing better than a good movie or show, and some nuts or other crunchies that I can mindlessly nibble to enhance my aesthetic experience and wash the day off of me. I look forward to such times and wonder how I would fare if deprived. Clearly I need to find alternative ways of relaxing, or more acceptable munchies, especially during the Buffalo winter when there are few other options but to vegetate. I am at a loss nor am sure that I want to do  anything different or more strenous, just yet. I must be mindful that I remain very vulnerable to old habits at these times, and try harder to make better choices in the face of it. I am desperately hoping for a pouch advantage to help more this time around, and perhaps the lessons learned from the pouch test will give me the added boost I need.

Last night, I was very stupid to hunker down to the Food Channels show called Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. I love this show, and recently, a few restaurants from Buffalo have been spotlighted. I am trying to find the recent episode in which our Duff’s restaurant was showcased. Anyway, I have dvr’d several episodes, and decided to watch these last night. And felt a desire for every bad food known during it, as I watched others eating delicacies of all kinds from diners all over the country. I remained “good” and drank a protein shake with cinnamon, a spoon of peanut butter and a scoop of cottage cheese in it instead of the burger and fries my head wanted, and was physically satisfied, at least. I think I will need to be more mindful of my exposure to such shows, at least while I am still on somewhat shaky ground.

Yesterday I also ate a broiled fish square (Gortons) for dinner, and another scoop of cottage cheese earler in the day. I also had two low fat cheese sticks, and 2 scrambled eggs with a little cheese for breakfast. Oh, and a diet yogurt at my desk. That is all. I am not very creative and was having trouble knowing what the fourth day’s diet should exactly consist of, so hopefully I did alright by it. Today I will have eggs for breakfast, and plan on chicken livers for dinner. And, probably more cheese sticks, perhaps low fat cottage cheese again, and another shake or two. Any other ideas are welcome. I believe that I am allowed relatively “normal” proteins, but we really don’t have much in the house right now anyway, so I am not sure what I can eat. On day three I had a half can of tuna for one of my meals, and could always do this again too if I “must.”

So, there you have it - my five days of pouchiness, my mindset, my hopes, my fears. Stay tuned to see where this takes me…and for those of you doing the same or on a weight loss journey of any type, be good, and best of resolve and health to you too!!