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Weight: 199.4 lbs.
Yesterday turned out to be a different kind of day than I had expected, as I was full of energy despite the long work day, and decided with Tom to run off to both the Canadian and American casinos after work. We ran to Fallsview for their “free” buffet (with coupon), and then back across the border, to redeem another coupon for a free Easter ham. We had gotten these certificates in the mail some time ago and figured we’d let them ride, but since it was such a nice evening and we both had energy to spare, we made a spontaneous decision to use them after all. We didn’t spend a dime in either casino, which was good since I would have been upset if our “free” ham ended up costing us a hundred dollars! This has been known to happen before!
Anyway, our plans are to slice a small slab off the huge ham and keep it, and give the rest to our friends who invited us to Easter dinner, although we don’t plan to join them this year. They are having a few others over, and welcome a free ham to accompany the chicken they already purchased.
As to the buffet, well, I hadn’t factored in eating like this, although I didn’t go terribly overboard. I did eat several shrimp (cocktail), a few bites of turkey, some broiled chicken, a little cauliflower, and some baked whitefish. All good choices, right? I only blew it by adding a wee bit of creme brulee to my melon slices for dessert. Believe me, given their offerings, I could have done much worse.
And at work yesterday, many people seemed focused on my weight and looks, for some reason. If I weren’t already self conscious, I certainly would be after my experiences yesterday. It started with an a.m. morning client who is brought in by a staff I like very much and who I have worked with on and off for years. She and the client both commented aloud on how they felt that I had lost considerable weight, even since last session, just two weeks ago. Shelly said: “You must have dropped like another 10 lbs. or so!”. Boy, if this didn’t plump up my ego!
Then, later in the day, my co-worker and friend Zoe came in for her evening shift, and immediately called me “the incredible shrinking woman”, and said that “you’ve done it…you must be very near your goal!” When I was astounded and said that I had like 70 more lbs. to go, she expressed surprise and said that I looked great and thin to her, and she thought that I should be “done” with losing. Wow!! So now I’m thinking…”note to self…wear whatever I am wearing today, everyday!”
I rode this high for a few minutes, and then ushered in my next client. A young African American woman with moderate mental retardation, and her staff. A darling woman who is sweet and loving, and who never fails to give me a hug both on her way in and out of her counseling session. And who shortly after sitting down, loudly said: “Ooooo…you gettin fat, Ms. Donna! ” Look how bigs you is!!” Her staff was immediately horrified and told her that she was being rude, and she instantly got quiet and apologized, while I was chuckling in the background. I reassured her that it was ok and I wasn’t mad, but that I wondered what she saw that made her feel like I had gotten fatter. Her answer: “You’se just big, too big…that’s all. I don’t mean to be rude, but oooo, you needs to go on a diet!”
Out of the mouth of babes, indeed!!
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Weight: 199.4 lbs.
Well, I did it! I managed to have an all shake day to detoxify myself and try and get back on track. Except for the few chucks ‘o fruit I added to the mixture, I didn’t deviate from a typical day one of the pouch test, and could tell that I needed to pee out a lot of excess fluid, just as I had last time I drank my “food”.
I now feel a little more comfortably in the 100’s, and hope to be back on better track. Today is gearing up to be a long and challenging day whereby I work until late and have many clients, so I hope that the stress of this doesn’t throw me off. I am planning ahead and packing proper work foods in anticipation that I will likely only have moments here and there between clients to grab a quick bite, so I should be able to do ok. I am feeling less beaten down and anxious about things, and feel a marked improvemnet of what appeared to be a depression of sorts, last week. I no longer have that creeping feeling of dread, or feel overwhelmed by relatively simple tasks. In fact, yesterday, I remodeled our whole living room and other parts of the house, for no real reason other than that I had excess energy, and felt like it. Tom came home from work and never even noticed a thing until hours later when I couldn’t take it any more, and walked him through the substantial changes. He’s such a man!
And speaking of Tom, his weight is my next goal. He weighed himself early this morning, and announced that he is just under 193. Perhaps I’ll get there in April or May, if I stay good. Of course by then, he may have lost more, and I’ll have to work harder to bypass him. On the other hand, given how much and poorly he usually eats, this can’t be terribly likely, sad to say. Despite my efforts to encourage and enlighten, he is a huge carb-aholic, and his favorite and frequently eaten foods are things like pasta, bagels and breads, including occassional sneaked things like cookies and muffins.
So, I not only have to pass Tom in weight, but resist the foods he brings in and eats in front of me. When I have decarbed myself, this isn’t so hard, but once I am back into a sugary way, it can be excrutiating. This is why I am renewing my efforts to eradicate this from my diet once again, and get back into the much easier mode where cravings and “hunger” no longer dictate to and rule me. I can never afford to be beholden to food like this again, but especially not now as I have a goal and a mission, and must remain diligent and focused if I dare to achieve this.
A day at a time….
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Weight: 200.3 lbs.
Although I HAVE crept back up over the almighty 200 mark, I am surprisingly ok with this. I find it rather comical and even symbolic of my overall journey, and am better this week at taking things in stride than last week when I was busy feeling all grumpy and out of sorts. I also know that I have been no angel lately, and yesterday ate more than I should have and usually do. We had good friends over for brunch, and feasted on eggs with ample veggies, cheese and such in them, sausage, bacon, bagels with shmears, and lots of fruit (cantalope, pineapple and strawberries with a homemade dipping sauce that Dorothy brought from Rochester). Anyway, I did eat some of everything except the bagels, but drooled over these just the same and merely sharing space with them made me feel all carby and hungry. I probably overdid it on everything else to compensate, including the fruit which was quite succulent.
Then, even after company left in the late afternoon, I felt atypically hungry and munchy, no doubt as a result of the carbs and having been whipped into a food focused frenzy. You know…that feeling and the appetite that comes from knowing that special foods are within reach, you’ve already blown it, and the obsession has kicked back in. I was quick to power down my leftover souvlaki AND the leftover breakfast eggs and bacon as soon as the guests had left, and then later, added canned peanuts to the equation. This was as much about the munchies and psychological hunger as anything “real”, but I felt that old overpowering compulsion that I was too weak to resist.
The promise I made to myself however, was that I would de-carb. today to make up for it and get back on track, and I plan to do like a one day pouch test thing to see if this works to get my mind and system back on track. ‘Cause once those old carb munchies get a grip, they can be hellacious to conquer otherwise, and I need to eradicate this quickly or I fear that I will stay on the nether side of 200 for good!
So, I do hope to do just protein shakes and liquids today…and believe that as it is likely to be a lower key day than the last few hectic ones, that I have a fair chance to succeed.
I am somewhat chagrined by how little it takes for me to be tempted back off balance however, and need still to remember that I have not won the war by any means, although I may have slayed a few dragons and climbed a few hills along the way. Just the same, the “enemy” remains out there and is well armed, and I need to envision how powerful his weapons are and how quickly he can overtake me if I stray into his territory. This is a sobering image and disheartening in some ways, but reality I beleive that I must learn to understand and accept. I don’t think the enemy ever retreats or is fought off all together, for anyone, although perhaps some have figured out how to relegate him to the outer reaches where he is less seen or heard from. My enemy remains near and ready for immediate battle however, and it is best I know this. Maybe someday he won’t be so ominous…but not yet.
On this happy note, I have already worked out extra hard (and on level 5 incline on the treadmill!), and it is time for my shake of a breakfast.
Yum…I think!
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Weight: 199.9 lbs.
Can I be any closer to the line than this, weight wise?! I actually find it rather funny somehow. I’d love to have gone down a little more to more safely be away from the two’s, but it is just like me to have gone up to such a number as I have, to tease and torment me. Although I am not surprised, as I did eat late and more than usual yesterday while out with Tom and friends prior to the evening play that we went to. I was famished by the time we got there, and ate perhaps half of my souvlaki plate…and had a sample fried shrimp while shopping at Sam’s Club beforehand. I was so hungry in the store and they had samples all over the place, that my will weakened and I succumbed to a tasty shrimp appetizer, and damn near bought the whole box on the spot it was so tasty. Obviously I have not yet licked old demons, and need to be ever vigilant about things, especially if I allow myself to get too hungry.
So the moral of today’s blog is the sobering reality that I will never truly be “out of the woods”, and that despite reaching a new goal, this will be just a temporary victory, if I don’t forever more remember to mind my P’s and q”s and f’s and z’s. And c” for carbs.
And “crap!”
In non food news, my boss and friend Kevin was nice enough to come over while we were briefly home midday yesterday, and help us to install our new computer. Which I am typing away on now. Cool! It has a 20″ monitor so I can actually see what I am doing, blind as I am. I may come to enjoy blogging even more than usual from now on!
In other news that I forgot to mention yesterday when overjoyed about my weight loss - I did follow up with my bariatric center to see if I was supposed to have an appointment to coincide with my upcoming year anniversary, and was told “no”. I guess that because my last appointment was in January, that I am not due again until June or July, and they will notify me exactly of when with a postcard when it nears this date. I asked about bloodwork as I have had none post op., and she said that this could wait. Now I am no fan of needles, which is actually an understatement - but I did think that we should have some read on how I am doing in such ways, before my 14th or 15th month. Shouldn’t we?
Oh well, I do feel fine again and am not really worried or anything, but am curious about how I am doing vitamin and mineral and cholestrol etc. wise. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.
As for now, I will continue to live as healthily as I can, so that when June or July does come around, it’ll hopefully show both on the outside and on the inside!
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Weight: 199.5 lbs.!!!
I did it!! I am really finally under 200! I knew all along this was coming soon…LOL!! Not! Really though, I knew yesterday that I was losing…I could feel it. Seriously! As I have begun to feel less achey and miserable, I have felt my metabolism kick back in, rather like a furnace reignighting I can’t describe it, but its like a wierd, inflammatory process had gotten a grip on me the last week or so, and I have felt it starting to dissipate, and be replaced by energy, enthusiasm, health and balance. I have experienced such strange, nebulous, passing changes before, and do wonder in hindsight if it is related to hormones or inflammation from arthiritis or something.
Although I may never be sure, my weight loss to me, is also proof that the malaise has passed, and my body is resuming a degree of normalcy (for me, anyway!)I can actually feel the difference, and even all yesterday, I just knew that I was losing once again. Has anyone else ever experienced the feeling of being so in tune with your system, that you can tell when you’re losing, or at least when your metabolism or whatever, has resumed working?
Well, whatever it is or is called, I am feeling more empowered and vigorous too. Last night, Tom and I ran off to Slots in Fort Erie to play, as neither of us could resist the compulsion to let our hair down in this way. This too was good for me, in the sense that it was a nice diversion from everything real (which is usually the point of gambling!). Unfortunately, it wasn’t as good for us financially, although not that horrible either, as we budgeted just a little and played long and hard on this amount before giving it over to them altogether.
Today we are off soon to an estate sale, a chinese auction and other events at a Ukrainian church, errands, dinner with Charlie and Nancy, and then a play (”Falsettos”) with them afterwards. This should keep us hopping! I have picked a Greek restaurant for us to hopefully all enjoy, and as it is just minutes from the theater, this should help with our tight schedules, too.
Tomorrow we are having our now monthly brunch here, and our friend, Dorothy, is even coming in from Rochester to spend the day, and join in the fun. She is one of four friends due, so it should be interesting. Especially as our kitchen is small, and we only have seating for 5! And all the spare tables have been commandeered to the garage for the upcoming sale!
Well, as can be seen, I am coming out of my funk in every way, and once again starting to enjoy and take part in life around me (non grudgingly). I sure hope this and the weight loss that accompanies it, lasts, and that I never see the 200’s again! But, given my history of fluctuation and such, I will not say never, and if I’m truly not done hovering, I hope to at least have the proper attitude and fortitude in place now, to handle this better. And for anyone else out there feeling stuck or discouraged, I hope that seeing me finally “move” and feel better, will inspire and encourage you too!!
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Weight: 201.5 lbs.
I may be feeling better…and said this to myself even before I weighed this morning. I began to feel less achey and miserable yesterday, and by evening, felt as if I had my usual amount of energy and enthusiasm. On the other hand, I wonder if this relates to having made it through another work week (I am off again today), and the relief that ensues. Tom recently expressed concern that I have seemed more depressed and anxious lately, and although surprised to hear this on one hand, I’m not terribly shocked, on the other. I do agree that I have not felt “right” both physically and emotionally for a little while, and some symptoms mimic depression, as I recall it from the past. But, I don’t think they qualify (yet) for a full blown diagnosis, as they aren’t consistent or persistent, and as I said, I do have days and time of feeling typical and in better balance. I am hoping that today will be one of them.
What I have noticed is a creeping sense of feeling more challenged and overwhelmed by simple things lately, and actually avoiding or putting tasks off. This is not usually like me. I think that I have been spending more time vegetating in front of the tv than being productive, other than when there are already scheduled activities or events to perform or attend. Left to my own devices, I am feeling incredibly lazy, despite that there is much to do. As I think of the spring with all of its new responsibilities and opportunities, I actually feel anxious and upset, and wish it weren’t coming so fast as I feel completely unprepared to pick up the pace. I believe that I usually am excited around this time of year, and begin to welcome the changes and events that spring brings…so I am slightly worried that I feel so down at this time. On the other hand, I may have bit off more than I can chew by having orchestrated the collosal garage sale that we are having in early May, along with several other things that have booked us up and will keep us hopping for a while. But even everyday events at times are feeling like dread, and I rather wish to just be left alone and drool in front of the idiot box.
I do hope this is just a passing phase and perhaps related to a flare up of arthiritis or something. I have noticed in the past that when I feel yucky joint and muscle wise at the same time, it may be a physical rather than emotional thing, and perhaps is rheumatoid arthiritis (which I was diagnosed with a very long time ago) kicking up. If this is so, historically it passes on its own and I just need to ride it out. Or, perhaps it is some wierd hormonal thing. But either way, feeling like this isn’t new for me, and my first instinct is to ignore it and hope the kinks work themselves out in time. Often they do.
I did skip my workouts both yesterday and the day before, but have already done my thing this morning. I feel more limber and slightly less blobby, so had no excuse not to. It should be interesting to see if my weight fluctuates according to these other improvements…and if so, perhaps there is hope that I will start losing in earnest, someday this year!
I am trying to stay “good’ despite it all, although my approach to food has been as “lazy” and happenstance as my other habits lately, and I haven’t given my meals much forethought or have eaten planfully at all. I seem to be existing on desk (at work) and finger foods from the fridge (ie: cheese sticks). I did eat some strawberries yesterday, and they made me happy.
Otherwise, I am bored by myself and have little else to say…so need not bore you too. But, I guess that this isn’t such a bad state to be in, given the opposite of boring, so for now, I’ll run with it!
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Weight: 202.4 lbs.
Yesterday I had 9 cheez-its. And 2 mini pretzels. The fact that I ate them in the context of having provided the snacks for the Wednesday social skills group that I run, is no excuse. But it does explain their availability, and the weakness of my will at this time.
Through the group, I watched my clients crunch and munch and enjoy these and other snacks, and thought how odd it is that I can never really eat like this again or feel any sense of enjoyment and abandon if I were to do so. I didn’t eat them during the group, but beforehand when I was setting up and in charge of putting out the snacks. The temptation wasn’t during and in fact watching others was sobering somehow - it was before, when I was alone with them and could do as I pleased.
Do I regret breaking my “run” over a cheez-it or 9? Yes and no. I’m not losing anyway, so part of me feels snipey about this, and figures, what the hell. On the other hand, I am aware that the mixture of higher fat Atkin’s foods and pure carbs isn’t good for diet or health, and must be avoided if I care to succeed in either.
I was otherwise “good” yesterday…you know, the usual eggs, salad, broiled chicken with a veggie mix, cashews, yogurt. I probably ate more than I have in a while, but other than the snack items, stayed the course Atkin’s wise. But we all know that mixing carbs with Atkins ruins the whole Atkins thing, and negates any benefit. So calorie and fat wise, I was probably just plain high, and destined to weigh poorly today as a result. I guess.
Focusing so much on every frigging bite, ounce and thought about these is adding to my depression of late, and I can’t stand hearing myself think much longer! I remain very weary in body and spirit, and feel as if I need a colossal break from all reality to right myself. Or something.
I’m sure that there is more to life than every crumb I inhale and some kind of analysis about it…and I feel that I need to pull away from this rather artificial construct in order to lighten up and just go with things a little more. I’m not sure what this means really either, but it may mean that I place less emphasis on such a narrow focus, in subsequent blog entries.
Basically, I feel that I may need to “lighten up” in order to lighten weight wise… or something like this. Because really now…who but a blogger weighs daily, records every thought and bite, thinks about all this in prose, and then tells on themself to the whole world? And although this may be helping to keep me “honest” and provide great feedback, it may also be contributing to my somber spiritis and near obsessive fixation on all things bariatric. For good, or bad.
Echhh…even writing THIS is making my brain hurt (along with the rest of my body!) today. Is it hurting yours, too?
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Weight: 202.2 lbs. (!!)
I can’t take much more of this gaining weight thing, and am very discouraged by it at the moment. I am trying not to care, or at least to take it in stride or subscribe to the theories of water weight etc., but I am losing! Both the battle of weight, and the battle of perspective.
What the heck is wrong with me?! I feel as if I am eating better and more moderately than ever before, yet I still creep up. For instance, yesterday I had: The last of the leftover souvlaki for breakfast, 2 diet cheese sticks for work breaks, a handful of peanuts for afternoon snack, and a turkey dog with broccoli and a little leftover glob of pork and beans, for dinner. And 2 tablespoons of peanut butter in the evening, as I craved a little something before bed. That’s it for the day. Is this a diet to gain on??
This is a hard enough thing at any time in the “game”, but especially when it is now taking me weeks simply to get below 200, and especially after having been striking distance what now seems like such a long time ago. This serves to highlight my struggles and magnify the fact that I am stuck. and perhaps I wouldn’t notice as much if I were at some other numbers…or, maybe this is hogwash, and I would care and notice just as much.
I am sick of writing about this and you are probably just as sick of reading such repetitive blah, blah. When I have peeked in on others blogsites, theirs rarely sound like this. Those that weigh often and post this, seem to head only one direction with their weight…down! And write lighthearted ditties about how they are fitting into new sizes every minute, and dropping like stones. Or maybe, I am just remembering those I have seen that look like this, and feeling very green eyed about it all at the moment. Aarghhh!
In some ways, I liked it better when I was eating more and worse because when I gained or stalled, I at least knew at some level that I had myself or this or that food item to “blame”, albeit I still was not happy and felt different than many others. But now, I feel like a complete dietary reject who can’t even lose under seemingly optimal conditions. I think I need someone else to share tales of weight gain during similar circumstances, or to share their own angst and worry when faced with similar slowdowns. Has anyone else hovered so, especially when approaching 200 or when recently having retooled their diet and recommited to the process? Following a pouch test, perhaps? And if so, what have you made of this, and did you move past it? How?
This having been said, there is other stuff making me grumpy, although I am not sure what. I just feel all achey and sore, and have recently had another mysterious outbreak of sores and boil type eruptions. I get these every so often and have come to learn that they likely relate to having PCOS. They seem to come cyclically, and I should pay more attention, but I think they mostly occur in unison with body aches. And a general feeling of malaise and dysphoria. Or, I am making this up. The symptoms are nebulous and hard to describe, so it is difficult for me to be sure they even exist…except for the lumps and achiness, of course. I do wonder if all of this may relate, and perhaps correlate to weight issues, as well. I plan to pay better attention to all of this, and keep track of when in my cycle and on the calendar, such things tend to occur, and it will be interesting to see if it cooresponds to any stalls or weight gain, as well. I should do more research on PCOS, too.
In any event, this is all a lot of ya ya about my general feelings of physical and emotional misery at the moment….despite sleeping better than I have in a while given my new c-pap equipment. You’d think that all this great shut eye would be helping…and maybe it will at some point. But at the moment, I clearly need more than sleep to get over myself and feel refreshed once again!!
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Weight: 200.9 lbs.
Hover. Linger. Stall. Maintain.
Sigh….
Enough said.
I awoke so stiff and achey today I though for sure that I’d snap in half when I struggled out of bed. A new C-Pap mask was delivered yesterday and I wore it last night, and feel as if I got the first deep, long, meaningful night’s rest that I’ve had in a long time. This one fits snugly and securely, and didn’t whistle and hiss me awake like the old one has been doing for a long time. I’d say that I feel well rested, but I actually feel more groggy instead, probably because of sleeping so deeply.
I tried to work the kinks out of my body this morning, but despite a brisk work out, I remain stiff. Hopefully this too is a result of such deep, probably motionless sleep, and will work itself out in my long work day.
In other news, I bought a book at Big Lot’s this weekend, as it looked intriguing, and was in their $3 bin. It is called:”Good Fat-with 100 recipes”, and is by Fran McCullough. Now I love books and buy them everywhere. However, I rarely actually have time to READ them, and they generally just accumulate all over the house in exciting little bunches, calling for me to enjoy them some rainy day and piquing my interest. This one though, I actually picked up and began, and am glad that I did. It is an awesome study on how fats have been maligned through modern time, and how low fat diets not only don’t work, but can be deleterious to your health (and weight). It is very Atkins friendly, with a twist, as it embellishes on his theories further, and comes to similar conclusions for even more compelling reasons related to our bodies desperate need for good fats. It tears apart food industries recommendations regarding things like the consumption of carbs and vegetable oils (really bad), and how things like coconut oil was grossly accused of being a bad fat, when indeed it is the best. Everything is supported with data and compelling info., and written very well. I am only part way through it, and already feel empowered to make (and keep up with) healthier food choices. I am happy for the reminder of why the Atkins concept not only works but is healthier, and this should reinforce my choices of late.
Please consider buying this book, especially if you have a Big Lot’s near you and it too has a cheap book bin. I am going to find myself a couple more, and hand them out to my diet and health conscious friends.
Oh, and speaking of buying things…. Tom and I did cave yesterday, and bought that new computer of our dreams. It is still sitting here in its box however, as neither of us could yet bear the work and technology involved in actually using the darn thing! I am so afraid of messing up things with this one as we transition from one to the other, that it may take a while before we are both confident enough to switch. Any techno geeks out there wanna come over and help!?
Well, I’d best move on and ready myself for the big day ahead. Now that we are broke from buying computers and books, I hafta work even harder…!
I will pack a good lunch and snack of probably leftover souvlaki and what not today, and remain diligent that I am eating as I am not just to get under freaking 200 lbs., but for the long term, health benefits as well. And THIS can’t be argued with!!
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Weight: 201.4 lbs.
I am still trudging along, I guess. Its not like I invented the concept of hovering or stalling or anything, and I have read enough angst of others about this to last a lifetime. So I need not add to the world’s pool of misery about being stuck, or whatever. I am trying hard to remind myself that “it is temporary” and that “this too shall pass.” I am staying diligent diet wise, and am back to exercise as of a few days ago, after a brief hiatus. I do feel as if I am moving more overall as well, as it has been spring like out, and between setting up for the garage sale, putting out the summer furniture and other outdoor endeavors, I am less the winter slug that I had been.
And hopefully this will all matter some weight and waist wise, at some point!
Yesterday I was sorely tempted to tear into some chocolate, as we went with friends Barb and her husband to the Ten Lives cat charity event, and were “stuck” there for many straight hours, surrounded by goodies of every kind. They had auctions, music, raffles and crafts, including FOOD stands and homemade Easter chocolates of every kind. Tom helped himself to a few homemade desserts, AND bought a chocolate peanut butter something or other, which is my all time favorite. The commercial from years ago for Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups where a person with chocolate runs into a person with peanut butter, and they merge, wasn’t lost on me! God, I could have lunged across the table and eaten it all in opne bite!
But, I brought the leftover burger salad and a few cheese sticks, and found myself at least physically satisfied by these. The event served sandwiches and goulash, and homemade macaroni salad…and at least I was aware of this menu ahead of time, so I could be proactive with my needs.
For dinner, I had two turkey dogs and a small blob of pork and beans that Tom had made. This struck me as more food than I have been able to eat at one time for a while now, but I was starving and it was late when we got home and settled down. I also know that these weren’t great choices and the beans have some sugar in them, but I ate very little, so hope this didn’t amount to much. I do wonder if this is contributing to where my weight is resting, though.
So, so much for play weekend, and it is back to more reality today. Although I am still off, I have much to do, including prep for the work week and the laundry that got neglected all weekend. Plus, Tom and I am rethinking getting the cool computer we visited at Best Buy a few times last week, and then choose to wait on. It had the nerve to go on sale this week, and now we feel compelled to get it after all, and if so, I fear this may disrupt things for a bit while we figure out how to transfer things from here to there, or whatever. Unfortunately the concept of “plug and play” is in reality, much more complex than this, when it comes to replacing one well used computer, with another. Ack…I hate these things!
Well, I guess this all really just amounts to the ya ya of everyday life in our modern century…with all the joys and challenges this entails. Which is a more balanmced perspective than I have been inclined towards for some time lately…so I am gonna take this, and run with it!
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March 31st, 2010 | 
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