Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 209.8 lbs.

I know why I went up in weight and I jokingly blame it all on Barb F., my friend and fequent commenter on this site. She and her husband showed up to watch Universal Minds with us at Wegman’s last night, and although I had purposely eaten dinner beforehand so as not to be tempted by food there, we ended up going out afterwards instead to what amounted to a very late and delish dinner at the Flying Turtles restaurant. Pete, my old friend who similarily came to watch the show, also joined in the ad hoc fray. Of course, I could have oprdered everything from nothing to perhaps a small salad or something. But, noooo. I got tempted by a chicken stir fry dish, and ate way too much of it before calling it a night. A quite late night!

And I had been “good” all day. Oh well - the company and evening turned out to be fun and inspirational, as always. Although only a few of my co-workers ended up making it to the performance, several friends did, as did the director of our agency and many other long time staff, AND, the news media who interviewed and filmed the “stars.” We dvr’d the late news, but haven’t yet watched to see if the clip of all this was on. Hey, maybe we’re even in the audience shot!

In unrelated news, I’ve been thinking alot about where this blog fits into the scheme of all things bariatric, and have decided upon what it is, and what it isn’t. I welcome feedback to the contrary, or otherwise!

I have been feeling somewhat humbled by the many who seem to get it all and do it all “right” and carve new and great lifestyles for themselves when given this opportunity from surgery. There seem to be those that adhere to rules they learn to understand, appreciate and embrace right off, and who develop healthy and balanced patterns of eating and living, as a result. There are blogs about this, and the peace that some have made with food, permeates what is written in them. The emphasis is often on will, grit, triumph, regimentation. These writers often quote data, share information and facts gleaned from statistics, news, medical journals and the like. Sometimes, hard core diet recipes are shared, as is exercise tips and strategic methods for staying on track. I love these writers and am inspired by such important and helpful information, yet can’t fully relate. I am not a very fact based or cognitive person by inate nature anyway, so in any realm, I tend to drool in the face of too strict of a informational orientation. I relate best to feelings, undertones, innuendo, poignant life stories, drama, example. Facts and data tend to bore and lose me, and recipes and the like make me seek another site to peruse. I was this way before surgery, and I’m no different now, despite that I may NEED and SHOULD develop a greater repetoire of skills, knowledge and ideas for staying on track. Or, getting on track!

My nature, and therefore my blog, emphasizes the emotional journey, issues of human fraility, the balance of ying and yang, imperfection and strivings to do better. While always keeping an eye on the “beasts” within that are not only real, but that make their presence known in many ways that can serve to sabotage and overwhelm. I write like I work - as a social working, anaylzing, imperfect human. Who tries to be mindful of not just my, but others fragilities and lifestyle factors that influence choices and outcomes. Sometimes I feel like the Suzi Ormen of bariatrics - you know, someone who notes and tends to the whole person, while also focusing on the bariatric or dietary issues. The only difference is that she actually dispenses wise and factual information at the end - LOL!

So, in acknowleding what this is and is not, I appreciate that some may find what I write lacking in data, exasperatingly devoid of “facts” and successful outcomes, or worse yet, psychological drivel. Or, that I often seem endlessly preoccupied with the inner workings and difficulties of life and diet, and never quite seem to get either “it” or to the punchline.

 I do hope however, that there are those that can relate to and perhaps find comfort in my honesty and analysis of my human condition, and who may, by virtue of struggling themselves, feel a kindred spirit in the acknowledgement of some of the dark and emotional sides of this journey. And find the daily anaysis of this different or refreshing. I know that these are the blogs that I gravitate to and that keep MY interest, and that validate and support me in ways I recognize and understand. And that I learn and grow and heal, in the presence of.

Now if this doesn’t all make me sound like a psychotherapist and INFJ (look it up under Myers Briggs on the internet) on the profile scale of archetypes, I don’t know what does! Do you know YOUR type??