Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 209.2 lbs.

I continue to wake stiff and achey most mornings, and oftentimes pain from my hips (?) keeps me up at night. I felt this while away too, so I no longer suspect our mattress. It is not constant or every night, but more times than not. I might be sleeping in odd positions that lead to this, or my body is arthritic and breaking down with age. I have been adding some cinnamon to my coffee each day as I have read that not only does it help regulate blood sugar, but that it has anti inflammatory properties. I figure that I can use all the help that I can get, so why not! I used to take cinnamon capsules like Tom still does for diabetes, but I’m not sure that I can digest or absorb these any more, so I just sprinkle a little ground cinnamon into my hot drink instead.

Unfortunately, even cinnamon can’t cure or address some of my other “ailments.” Things like misunderstandings and doubt. These are left to good old communication and working through, and trying hard to not be overcome with hurt or pride that can blur things more and mask truths. You know, the “hmph…I’m fine!” kind of response when you’re really not, but aren’t yet up to dealing with the emotions underneath this. I am fighting this tendency and trying hard to keep my emotions honest and clean, for everyone’s sake. Perhaps I’ll burn some calories in the process, as this uses a great deal of emotional energy!

As to weight, I did suspect that I had gone down, both as my peeing had gone up (a sign that I am burning calories, I believe), and my appatite had gone down. I just feel less frantic about food and am more easily able to make better choices when I am not raging and fretting about it. In fact though, we did take out some burritos from a local joint that was advertising “buy one, get one” on all their products yesterday. But, I ate only bites of mine (it was big!) for dinner, and it should make another few meals if I keep this up. Other than this, I ate less and decently yesterday, and won’t bore you with every bite. Suffice to say, I had many of the usual things, and frankly, hardly remember it  all as it is that mundane and boring. I still don’t keep an actual food diary or anything, but think that I can guage amounts of this and that pretty good in my head, and generally KNOW when I am off or on track. I would rate yesterday a B+ or so. I did keep an excrutiatingly detailed daily diary for 14 months while on Atkins, and think of doing this again, but am not sure I have the time or wherewithall to be as regimented once again. But, we’ll see if I decide differently some day…. It certainly would help to ensure accuracy and honesty (with myself) if I did this, plus I could compute things with greater certainty and see patterns better. But for now the downside outweighs the positive.

And speaking of paperwork, I am facing lots at work today, and had better get my butt in gear and move on with my morning rituals so I get to work at all! Tonight many people that I work with both team and agency wide, as well as some friends, are heading to a local Wegman’s grocery store (Amherst Street location, in case YOU care to go!), to see Aspire’s band play in their cafe there. The local news is planning to film and profile them, as they are so unique and great and deserve the press. The band is made up of all developmentally disabled individuals, and is called Universal Mind. My social work friend and colleague, Al, helped get them started a few years ago and before he passed away last year. They however, live on, and consist of individuals who are mentally challenged, have cerebral palsy, are blind, autistic and have other assorted disabilities. And they are endearing and talented and poingantly awesome! I am looking forward to what will likely be a crowded, chaotic experience, but full of energy and life! And hopefully many will turn out to cheer them on and show the tv audience that they deserve all the noteriety that they can get! Maybe we’ll see you there!