Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 212.9 lbs.

Well, rather than going back down at least part of what I went up, I seem to have gone up some more! I am stymied about this, and if it keeps up, even my averages will be washed up. I thought that I got back on track, so this is discouraging - but I’ve got too much else to focus on and worry about right now to spend too much time or energy on such a matter.

Yesterday was a long day at work, culminating in a meeting with Kevin, my boss, who finally shared the reason behind piling me with so much extra work. I won’t reveal it here as he has asked that we not say until he has informed everyone, but suffice to say that it is adding to my overall sense of anxiety and stress. In fact, I left work weary and shook up, and trudged to my car in the far, back parking lot. I started shaking violently from the cold, and by the time I got in, I could hardly drive I was shaking so much. I shook all the way home and wondered if my coat was inadequate, my car heater was inefficient, or if my fat is melting away and leaving me vulnerable to such cold. I nearly crashed into an idiot driver a block from my house, and came home freezing, yawning so hard my body shook, and as tired as could be.

Immediately, I asked Tom to check my blood sugar due to yesterday’s high number, and because I’m not entirely stupid and wondered if it might actually be low this time due to how wierd I felt.

It was 61. And I HAD eaten a late afternoon snack some hours earlier.

It took me a long time to eat enough to feel human and stop shaking - now I realized from low sugar rather than the cold. Or, since this is Buffalo, perhaps in addition to the cold.

Then, after I ate, I promptly fell into a drooling sleep in front of the tv. Only after snacking some more later (on peanuts), did I actually feel human, and it was almost like suddenly I became infused with heat as this warming sensation overtook me and I could actually feel it sweeping upwards through my body and providing me relief from the chills. By the time I went to bed, I had renewed energy and could actually have gotten things done or something, if it weren’t bedtime instead.

So, now I wonder if my blood glucose levels are either swinging all over, or if the lip thing was just an invalid read and I usually run low, as I have been suspecting for some time. And, I can’t help but wonder if this has anything to do with the wierd fluctuations in my weight. Does this make any sense, or am I grasping for straws?

It does perhaps explain my chronic hunger, and my carb issues. I had a banana at work in the mid afternoon, and I wonder if this started it all. It is hard for me to eat in any semblence of a normal way at work, as I don’t get a dedicated lunch hour, and when I have back to back clients as I did yesterday (and will again today), this only leaves a moment here or there to stuff something quick into my face. Bananas tend to be my work staple for this reason, and I also have a stash of Atkins and granola type bars in my drawer. When I get a little more time, I may munch on drawer  nuts instead. At times, I bring a low fat cheese stick or two, but since I don’t have refrgeration, I have to time these right so they don’t rot instead.

Anyway, today is gearing up to be similarily frustrating and stressful, and as I have to be in even earlier, I may not even have time to work out first. So, I’d best go now to see if there are some moments left to at least try to fit this in, although a break today doesn’t sound so bad either!