Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 212.6 lbs.

Look at my weight!! Just as I have been gearing up all week to post a loss of perhaps 2 lbs. for this week, I go up over 2 lbs. on weigh in day!! In part I know that this is due to Monday being casino day and the buffet, but I am sure that I didn’t eat over 2 lbs. of food!!

I am trying to maintain perspective by knowing that my week’s averages are in fact reflective of a relative loss, even if today’s number doesn’t show this. This is why averages are so important, and I am glad to have been indoctrinated into this mentality through Atkin’s dieting in the past. In fact, I recently revisited my old diet journal, and found several things that can be helpful to me now. I kept a daily journal in which I wrote every bite I ate, my daily weight, and then my weekly average. I can see that: I hovered for often weeks, just as I tend to now. My averages went down most every single week however, although my Monday morning weight didn’t often represent this. I was often religious in following his plan, but the scale didn’t always acknowledge my diligence and I had several times in which I inexplicably gained or stalled despite my best efforts. And, most importantly, I kept going down over the long haul, losing 100 lbs. in around 14 months, despite often feeling as I do now and thinking that I was “done” at several points in the process. In fact, there were times that I stayed at the almost same weight for months, only to kick back into high gear later, and make up for this in time.

So, the fact that I gained, and did eat and drink more than usual yesterday which likely led to this, is not going to get the better of my mood this time. It will ruin my right column numbers, but I won’t let it ruin anything else. And I will get right back on track today.

Admittedly, I not only ate somewhat liberally from the buffet yesterday (shrimp, bbq chicken, a little stew beef, chili , carrots and a slice of sugar free cake for dessert), but grazed through the rest of the day, probably in response to growing nervous energy about resuming work today. I still feel very anxious, and didn’t sleep as well either, as a result. All these factors tend to make me swollen and heavy - plus, I was unusually thirsty yesterday and couldn’t drink enough to satisfy myself. Perhaps it was that I ate more carbs than usual, including some salty pretzel sticks that we had laying around and seemed to be the perfect stress relieving munchable at the time. Bad!!!

Another wierd number that I registered yesterday, was a glucose reading of 168 before dinner, and after several hours without eating. However, this was taken from a cut on my lip and not a finger prick, and I question its accuracy. I know that I am wierd, but when I started bleeding from this cut, I saw an opportunity to test and the meter worked like normal in recording the number (it didn’t say: “error” as it sometimes has when I’ve tried to test other than finger stick blood) .Can anyone tell me if the lip is a viable place to test?! I was too squeemish to then test on my finger, so I have nothing to compare this to. I may need to cave and let Tom check me tonight or something, as I must admit that I am a little worried as if this number was valid, I am running too high, I think. And, given how thirsty I was yesterday, I am already imagining that my diabetes has returned and is wreaking havoc on my system.

So…today, on this day that I am headed out for a long, hard day, I am faced with numbers that don’t add up already, and I haven’t even begun work. If I’m already this off track, I can only imagine how this day may go!