Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 214 lbs.

Well, I’ve managed to gain even more weight, and this combined with Tom being sick and bad winter weather is depressing and demoralizing me. Plus I had lengthy talks with three of my closest friends yesterday, all of whom are struggling with non-weight related, yet weighty issues. Everyone seems to be struggling these days. Although at the moment I may be more fortunate in certain areas, this chronic battle with diet and weight is taking a toll on my morale at the moment. Especially since I thought that I had eaten well and moderately yesterday…at least compared to many other times in which I did much worse, and didn’t gain at all.

In order to stave off hypoglycemia, I had a heartier breakfast of whole wheat wrap with low fat and thinly sliced turkey and cheese. For lunch, I had the remainder of this sandwich, a banana, and some cashews. For dinner, I had some rotisserie chicken purchased hot from a local supermarket, some cooked veggies that the package said had 140 calories for the single serving box, and later, some unsalted peanuts. That’s all - I swear! Was this really enough to gain even more weight on, or is something else going on here?! These are the questions that I ask myself, as it is difficult to assess what I should or shouldn’t be doing with a scale that seems to go up when I think it should go down, and vice versa. I also sometimes wonder if low blood sugar issues may be what fuels what seems to be heightened hunger on my part compared to what so many others experience post bariatric surgery. A co-worker who had the surgery a week after me told me a few days ago, that she is never really hungry still, and other than occassional cravings for salt or sugar, isn’t driven by hunger like I still am. In fact, I have been since day one, and even remember wishing they’d give me another blue popsicle after surgery, as the one they gave me left me still hungry for more.  (You know - the popsicle that is so blue that if it comes through your port after eating it, as this is diagnostic of a leak.) Can anyone else honestly say that they remember being hungry post surgery, besides me?! If so, I would love to hear from you so I know that I am not alone here.

Blah blah, whine whine, yada yada….. Sigh. And the fact that its time to brave the storm warnings and recent snow fall and all, isn’t helping my spirits any. And besides yearning to hibrenate, its making me even hungrier!