Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 214.1 lbs.

I can’t be trusted anywhere around food of any kind anymore. After a long and frustrating day at work yesterday, Tom picked me up so that we could head together to more stores in search of that damn shelf we’d like. We ended up weary and hungry, and went back to the buffet we just ate at over the weekend. As if I didn’t learn my lesson about overindulgence just days ago. On the other, better hand, I did make decent choices, including the discovery that they have shrimp cocktail and a mongolian bbq component in which you pick your own meats and veggies and they cook them fresh for you. At least I am sure to have gotten my protein and veggie requirements in for the day!

In other yesterday news, I have only been to work one day out of the last 5, and I am already toasty. Ack- what a taxing and awful day! Especially given that I am still “under the weather”, which is girl speak for “that time of the month.” Whatever you call it, I felt ill prepared for the demands of the day, and had a hard time sleeping last night given the stress and unfinished business of such a yucko day. One of the most stressful and sad aspects was hearing of the sudden death of a beloved resident of one of Aspire’s group homes, and the staff’s request for someone from our counseling department to provide on-site counseling to her friends and staff who are acutely grief stricken by her tragic death. I am trying hard to not have the elected person be me, as I have done this a few times before, and find it the most difficult, sad and painful experience that I am also not very good at. I hate counseling large groups of total strangers, and especially under such circumstances. Let’s all hope together that my colleague is able and willing to go there Thursday so I don’t have to. Shhh…fingers crossed!

And, as you can see, I have understandably gained weight and am creating even more misery for myself. My resolutions, mantras and meditations about making this a better year, weight wise, seem to have fallen to the wayside and I mindlessly am continuing in poor choices and patterns - especially under stress. Plus, given the state of myself these last few days, I haven’t worked out and fear getting rusty if I don’t get back into the swing soon. Since it is now too late to do so this morning, tomorrow will have to do.

My new found fear and question is unfortunately becoming: ”will tomorrow ever come?” 

I’m not so optimistic at the moment….