Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 213.8 lbs.

Finally, a new number on the scale!! And I am doing exactly what I said I shouldn’t do and think is an unhealthy mentality for the long run! I am looking at the numbers as a measure of my success, and am focused on the immediate rather than the big picture. And, especially as I did eat at the casino buffet yesterday and drew some outside the lines, this is a dangerous and bad precedent. And, I will probably go back up tomorrow!

So, clearly I am still not onboard with doing all it takes for the long haul or tweaking my mentality to work for me for all the years to come. Or, if I am moving in this direction, I am still in the accumulating data phase and haven’t yet internalized or made better tenets my own. It is admittedly so wierd to now have a clearer concept of the “right” answers, but to live with relative disregard for these rules. As a counselor in particular and one who works hard with others to help them make healthy changes, I wanna slap my own self up side the head for being so resistant. But, if this clearly doesn’t demonstrate the power of addictions and/or stupidity, I don’t know what does!

As to yesterday, I did relatively well choosing things like shrimp, crab legs and chicken dishes at the buffet, but “fell of the wagon” over a piece of sugar free cake and a little ice cream, for dessert. However, by my recent standards, this was still an improvement over holiday choices when I might have not just eaten more, but more poorly. So, perhaps I am sloooowly moving a little in a better direction and preparing myself for more change to come. Maybe…?