Necessary Mutilation

Weight:  215.6 lbs.

Although today’s title is somewhat tongue in cheek, it is also unfortunately an accurate description of flubbity, flabbity me. You know - balding, paunchy, hanging skin and scars all over. Lovely!

Fortunately, I am not vain, and am generally oblivious to looks. Even with others, I am very bad at descriptors that represent one’s physical self, and am generally much better at sizing up people based on their personalities, manner and affect. Although this may be an asset in my chosen field, I have flunked fashion and could never be a detective as a result!

Another thing that I haven’t written about here in a while is the status of my PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). I allegedly have both this condition as well as adrenal hyperplasia - and both are androgenyzing conditions that produce an excess of male hormones and yada yada…ie: cause me to be excessively hairy, carry weight in male pattern ways, lose hair on my head like a guy, and experience such pleasantries like acne (at 48!) and oily skin. I must shave and tweeze daily, but still have a 5:00 shadow, and although I wash my hair every day, by nightfall, I look like susquatch. God forbid I skip a day of hair washing altogether as I accidentally did one day not too long back! Echhh…what a fright of patchy, greasy, messiness!

Anyway, I accept these as relative to my conditions, although must say that I think some of my symptoms were less pronounced while taking metformin. In fact, it was originally I who suggested this medication to my primary doctor after reading an article in a mainstream magazine that it is used to treat PCOS’ symptoms and works by controlling the accompanying insulin resistance of this disorder. At that time, I wasn’t yet considered diabetic, but we both knew that it was highly likely that my condition would progress to this anyway, especially if I did not lose weight. I guess that PCOS is very often a contributing factor for both obesity and diabetes. But, now I am off the metformin due to the resolution of my diabetes - but we never did discuss the fact that I was first put on it not for this, but for the above reasons. So, now I think that I am harrier and pimplier than ever…and am not sure that I can even absorb/digest (?) the pills anyway, even if I were to “need” them again. I’m really not sure how this all works and fortunately would rather grow a beard right now than go back on anything, but in case some day this changes, I will have to do more homework on the issue.

The other symptoms of PCOS that I did learn about only from reading up at obesityhelp’sPCOS boards, is that of skin tags and boil like growths. I have always been susceptible to bumps and lumps and cysts and boily things all over, and never realized that this may also be a factor of this disorder. Every once in a while, I will “break out” all over, and be even grosser than usual. Typically these go away on their own and as a result, I’ve never really addressed it in any meaningful medical way nor brought it to any doctor’s attention other than in passing. And, when you’ve lived with something seemingly harmless for forever, you become innured after a while. Although this would probably horrify a purist and send most screaming off to a dermatologist or something. Tom may shake his head, sigh, and wearily repeat his mantra that “you should see someone about that”….but, he wouldn’t even know if I didn’t tell him and he really only says this cause he’s a guy and he has to say something!

As to skin tags, I used to have more on my neck, which I have learned is a favorite gathering place for these little annoying brown things that do nothing more than sit around looking stupid. I seem to have lost some, perhaps as a result of my weight loss (which I have read can make them go away - also something to do with them proliferating under the right conditions of obesity related hormones). If you want a more accurate, helpful description or definition of any of these things, stop reading here now and go somewhere scientific and medical, or do what I did and read firsthand accounts byPCOSey people.

So, there you have it. I am a lumpy, bumpy, frumpy, balding, scarry, saggy, baggy and yet still fat mess…and stupid enough to still be ok with it all and with myself, and have cheer to spare! Hey, last Christmas I was ALL these things (well, maybe not as saggy!) AND nearly 90 lbs. heavier!

Or,  maybe we should add “needing therapy or in denial” to my list of adjectives!