Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 215.7 lbs.

I am trying hard not to stress about the many things on my plate at home and at work, and must admit that I am starting to fray around the edges (again!). I am subscribing to an”oh, well” attitude about the reference to this site in the Idiot’s book, the fact that I indeed have been sorely off track lately, and the increasing stress at work making me wonder how I ever entertained the idea of taking on ANOTHER  job in the first place. The latter scenarios are somewhat expectable given the season, as both my “diet” and work load tend to go off track at this time every year. I am trying to comfort myself with such thoughts, but deep down, and perhaps a good thing, I know that I am not dealing as well as I could or should be and can’t make excuses that may compromise my success and healthy mindset. If so, then in fact I am guilty as charged by Margeret Furtado’s reference.

I did manage to read much of it last night and did find it interesting and helpful…especially the parts about supplementation and deficiencies. I also went to some of the other sites referenced, including one that had a lot of interesting information about the Biggest Loser, some of which spoke to my questions regarding how contestants are able to lose so quickly and why they don’t appear to be flabby. I’d recreate some of it it here, but it makes more sense and it will be more comprehensive (and not plagarism!)  if I just give you this site. It is: www.rebeccascritchfield.wordpress.com.  Very interesting stuff here!

Also last night, I worked out before a late dinner, as I hadn’t had time in the morning and I now typically feel guilty and as if I am missing something if I don’t. This did also help to relieve some stress from my again difficult and strenuous day. Today is gearing up to be “worse”, as I have many many clients back to back and so much papaerwork that there is little hope that I will have it all done in time before it is due next week. I have asked my supervisor if I can in fact come in on Monday just for this purpose, as there is also little hope that I will have time to address it all on Tuesday or Wednesday when everyone on my whole caseload wants to come in and be seen due to Christmas depression or the winter blahs. Although they are working on a new system whereby we will no longer get paid for paperwork time in excess of a small amount, he did authorize this as an exception, knowing that I am not coming in for sh..s and giggles, and its like I would rather pull my remaining hair out strand by strand rather than have to give up a precious day so close to Christmas! (But, it’s hard to feel too sorry for myself given that most people work Mondays every week!)

Tonight Tom is picking me up straight from work as we have the Compeer Christmas party to attend at 6:00 and it is nearer by my job than home and I wouldn’t otherwise have time to drive all the way home first. I expect that it will be a good time and I look forward to seeing my friends there, but at this moment in time, I mostly feel stress about it as it lengthens my already long and challenging day. As some of my current and past clients will also be there, it can also feel a little bit like work at times. I will have to try hard to get my festive on! And once again, not eat too much!

I continue to feel very nibbley lately, and keep thinking I am hungry when in fact it is probably just my stress speaking and the likelihood that I am due for my period soon. Last night after an already late dinner, I did give in and had some dry popcorn with Tom, and enjoyed mine with hot sauce on it. This is not a good idea so close to bedtime, I have discovered, both for calorie sake, and as the hot sauce acts as a stimulant and I found myself ready to run a marathon rather than hunker down, last night. Now, I am all discombobulated and tired, likely from lack of sleep and late night eating.

Otherwise yesterday I guess that I wasn’t too bad - but then again, we didn’t have any special events to go to and stayed home and had cold cuts (lean turkey and ham slices with cheeses) for dinner. It is days like the next three that will be more challenging for me, although I am at some risk everywhere due to the unstoppable munchies that plague me lately and that I continue to make excuses for rather than confronting head on what may be underlying my newfound leniency(whatever this may mean).

Although denial can be a temporarily comforting thing, I think that I will need to keep working on a mantra of “noel” and not “oh well” if I hope to succeed!