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Weight: 221.5 lbs.
Well, I just got back from todays job “interview” part III, and am more confused than ever. First off, when I arrived the waiting room was packed to the gills with standing room only, and shouts of: “Hi Donna! What are you doing here?!” and “You look nice, Donna!” came from everywhere. I was delighted to see some of my past clients and other individuals that I know from various work experiences. It was like Old Home Days in the waiting room, and it felt familiar and comfortable, and this whet my appetite for the position.
However, when the director came to get me, he immediately apologized that he was alone, as the head guy who I was supposed to meet and supposedly was the reason for this return appointment, was not available today after all. And he never mentioned where “Patti” was ( the original person I met with who he had told me on the phone would also be with us today).
In any event, he was polite and kind, and we started out on a very positive note and he shared how Patti had highly recommended me and how they had stopped looking after my interview as they were interested in me. He said that they did fill the full time job however, as he understood that I was not interested in this.
He then asked if I remained interested, for which I referenced the e-mail I had sent him immediately following my last interview with him some weeks ago, in which I specified my salary requirements etc.
And, he said that he never got it! He spoke of spam filters and some changes in their computer system, and how sometimes even his kids’ messages don’t come through. So clearly, I had only assumed that he was aware of and had found a way to meet my request…and this became that much more painfully clear when he said that they had already worked out a deal for this for me, and the best they had come up with was a full $5 less an hour than my minimum. This equals $10 less than my starting salary 15 years ago where I currently work. I shared this with him and he was very understanding and regretful, and the bottom line is that although they clearly want me, and he recognizes that they have difficulties with hiring across the board due to their salary structure, that there is nothing he felt that he could do at this time. He did mention that staff have received 4 “bonuses” already this year and are likely to receive a fifth, but he offered up that he feared that this wouldn’t change the bottom line enough to count for me. Perhaps I should have asked for more details about this and maybe it would have mattered, but neither of us pursued this line any further.
Instead, we apologized and groused about him having been unaware until now of my expectations, and he sadly said that he supposed that they would have to “quietly” readvertise again for the position. I felt badly at every level, and asked if they would consider having me work not a 20 hour week but perhaps just one day (Friday) instead, and he said that he was unsure if they could split the 20 hours they had hoped for amongst 2 employees, and that this might make hiring that much more difficult. He did ask me to think about everything, and I said that I would, including whether I wanted to pursue this possibility of an 8 hour week IF this could be an option, and we would talk again early next week. We joked with one another that I call and not write him, and that even if things did not work out this time around, that he hoped that we’d meet again and that perhaps some day they could find there way to get me on board.
So, if this is the final chapter and I choose not to pursue it or see if there is any factor left to negotiate, I guess that it went as well and ended as well as it could have. Although I truly feel bad that anything I may have done has made their hiring process more difficult and prolonged their getting someone on board - as I personally know of some individuals who have been waiting a long time to get helped by them and they clearly need to hire someone soon.
Interestingly, it did sound as if even if I took the position as is, that I would be required to attend orientation, training, SCIP certification and other stuff before starting anyway, and that this would likely mean not until the New Year. He also said that the days and time of my 20 hours would be “up to you” - two factors that make things sound that much more appealing and make me wonder if I am being foolish to not accept the position after all. In that I agreed to “think about it over the weekend”, I clearly still could. And as my friend Nancy pointed out, I didn’t start this ball rolling just for the money anyway.
Arghhh…what should I do??!! I could spend hours writing pros and cons for both sides, including that if I sit still with where I now work, it is likely to grow back up OR fall all to pieces, leaving me either back up to full hours, or unemployed altogether if we go bust due to some Medicaid or audit issue or whatever.
Well, I am getting a headache from it all and no doubt will ponder this a lot in the next few days. Any advice is welcome from anyone, and for now, I am going out grocery shopping to take my mind off of it before it combusts, and to stock up on good foods I can feed my anxiety with!
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Weight: 222 lbs.
…everything in my closet, apparently.
The last two days at work I have solicited my colleague and friend Nancy’s opinion about my saggy, baggy attire, and she has been honest enough to answer me!
It seems that the word is that I am looking “casual,” which is a euphemism for frumpy, outdated and with sizes “that shouldn’t extend out so far from your body.” Although I can decorate and redesign the most hideous room in a heartbeat, I am completely useless when it comes to dressing myself, and Nancy has now agreed to come over some day and help me pare my wardrobe down to whatever may be left that fits and is stylish. I have a feeling that I will be heading to work naked once she gets a look at my closet.
So, after work today, I began the job of trying on and sorting through some of my clothes myself. It’s kind of like cleaning your house before the maid is due because you are embarassed for her to see it messy (not that I would know from personal experience, or anything!)
Anyway, I realize anew that I have no ability to gauge anything, and that for some reason I still find some 26/28 sized clothes to look good on me, even though they also fit 80 lbs ago. Is it possible to have the same clothes fit spanning an 80 lb. difference in weight?! I mean, they admittedly look a little loose, but they are comfy and I like them and I am already grieving at the thought of outgrowing them altogether. What is wrong with me?!
Nancy was right when she said that I would probably be stubborn and difficult to work with in this closet cleaning endeavor - hell, I can’t even stand to work with myself. Basically all I did was move things from here to there, and although I made a pile of some things that are humungo on me, I still feel as if I should hold on to them “just in case.” My OCD/hoarding issues have kicked in, and I think the best I can do is to relegate certain items to a different closet as the thought of getting rid of even the illest fitting clothes from the turn of the century, is still too painful a prospect for me. Oh, they would so kick me off “What Not to Wear”, and clearly an episode of Hoarders should be made on me. Of course, even in that show, they compel you to divest, and this would likely be ugly!
So, I should consider suggesting to Nancy that she read this entry and either prepare herself for what she is likely to encounter here, or give it up altogether. On the other hand, I MUST make some wardrobe changes, especially as this new job (that I have the third interview for tomorrow) is not as likely to understand or be as tolerant of my casualwear as somewhere where they have known and loved me for 15 years. Plus, I don’t really want new co-workers knowing about my history with weight problems and surgery (at least not right away), and noticing that my clothes are ill fitting and wierd.
Damn…my back is probably against the wall here and I may just need to get over it, accept real help and try to wrap my head around some new styles and sizes. It is wierd how I am so attached to my big clothes, although I think that I have read about others feeling similarily in similar situations. I have no concept of size or style either (never had!), so this doesn’t help any.
In other news and what has led to this good dilemna in the first place, is that I have been doing very well with my exercise lately. I have added a few reps. when time permits, and yesterday, I really enjoyed the long walk to the convenient mart and then library where there was the lecture and book signing on the local Bike Path Killer. It was very interesting and I found myself alert and focused despite the late hour, and I think that this was due to the invigorating walk there (and the coffee we got from down the street beforehand).
Then, although we got home late, long lost friend Rose had left a message on the machine, so I called her back and ended up talking until past 10:00. This is very late for me! Anyway, we finally coordinated our schedules in the sense that she is going to join us with our preexisting plans to go to a benefit for a cat charity that we belong to, next week Sunday. She too loves cats, and is down to 4 of them from a number that escapes me, but had been much higher. Anyway, we will have mega catching up to do, so we have decided to eat out beforehand, making this day what will likely be a very long one.
Between you and me and whoever reads this blog from around the world, I am so hoping that this new job will both want me, but be ok about not having me start until the new year. Maybe the process of meeting with HR and the like, plus that fact that we are coming up on a landmine of days off, will deter them from taking me on right off the bat. I sure hope so, as there is so much going on everywhere, and in my new found zest for life, I hate to miss anything or find myself too weary from work to take it all in! Maybe in 2010 I’ll have my priorities a little straighter! (Or maybe they’ll take one look at my clothing and reconsider the whole deal!)
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Weight: 221.5 lbs (!)
I woke up at 5 am after a night of dreaming about bathrooms and an urgent need to use one, and had to pee like a racehorse. For that matter, I peed a record number of times yesterday, and although I was sure to go again just before my 10 pm bedtime, this didn’t stop my nocturnal need for more. Now I know that I had a large cup of decaf before bed, but this isn’t that unusual for me, and I haven’t had THIS reaction before!
I have suspected that I am not getting enough fluids for some time, although my urine is typically decently light colored, and in the early days, the doctor had told me that this is an acceptable gauge of hydration. But, if I counted, and I should but don’t, I probably fall short of the “required” ounces recommended after bariatric surgery. Yesterday I do believe that I drank more than usual, and given my weight loss on the heels of this, do wonder if this may be critical information for me. I will make more of an effort to drink more often, and see how this goes.
Also yesterday, we were back to better habits, including eating home for a change. I had broiled chicken with steamed cauliflower and broccoli, and Tom chose to eat the leftover pizza. He also had donuts and bagels at work, and other assorted crap everywhere and every chance he gets. AND, he announced that he has LOST weight, as he is now down to an even 200 lbs. from the nearly 210 that he had been. Aghhh! There’s no justice!
In other news, I am back to drinking liquid iron for my mineral needs, as my order of Celebrate vitamins has not yet arrived and I am now out of the yummy chewables (I take both chewable iron and calcium citrate). Yechhh - what a kick in the gut! Even disguised in Crystal Light it tastes like a metal fence post. But hey, come to think of it, I also drank 2 large glasses of “juice” before bed in order to disguise the taste, and this too may have caused my bladder overflow and better hydration. Hmmmm…..
Well, it remains god awful early and I still have to make time to work out before breakfast and a full day of work. Tonight Tom and I and maybe our friend Nancy are going to the library up our street to listen to the author of a new book about our Bike Path Rapist and Murderer, talk about it. He will be selling autographed copies, and as True Crime is one of my favorite type of reads, I am likely to buy one and add it to my collection of now hundreds of good books I haven’t had time to read yet. In fact, I can’t remember when I’ve last read, which is a shame, because I read my way through childhood and college, and just LOVE to snuggle up with something interesting and be taken away by the experience. I tend to blame this on Tom as he isn’t much of a reader, plus he is such an extravert AND we have such an active life together, that there is little emotional of physical space to think, let alone concentrate for long periods of time. As an introvert who refuels through solitary activity, concentration and solitude, this can make my nerves and skin crawl, which come to think of it, is a near constant state for me these days. Might be good for burning calories though….
Well, once again I’ve blogged before sunrise, and I’m not sure what this says about either the state of my life or me, but at least it’s one thing I’ve accomplished today! I’ll catch you again tomorrow!
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Weight: 223.5
Well, as sort of expected, I didn’t post a weight loss for this week. Average wise I HAVE gone down, and this is why I like going by averages instead of what I happen to weigh on a Tuesday morning. Especially since Monday’s are buffet days at the casino now!
We did go there last night, and came home exactly $117.50 to the good. Not an earth shattering amount, but hey, its gravy money for us!
Speaking of gravy, I did eat a substantial amount at the buffet, and rather regretted it afterwards. I had shrimp cocktail, a half a bbq chicken breast, some chicken soup (there’s is very meaty and hearty!), cooked carrots, 2 chicken wings slathered in sauce, and a few pieces of peppered beef dish. I also had a few bites of corn, and then worst of all, a tiny bowl of ice cream with a small piece of suger free cake, for “dessert.” I don’t usually even let myself look at the dessert table, so I’m really not sure what got into me. Plus, I wasn’t even hungry anymore and if I had been, I had anticipated eating a few crab legs instead. I was dissappointed in myself for the quantity and quality of my choices, and again, feel as if I have strayed some lately and need to work harder with myself to “focus.”
This I do expect I can do better today, as it is gearing up to be an ordinary and “easy” Tuesday. Other than the fact that I have already been forewarned that flu clinic at work means that I will be kicked out of my office and put elsewhere for the day, it shouldn’t be too long or hard there and I may even have time to eat a decent snack at work, and a good dinner at home. And, I definitely plan to work out today, which I will do after writing this and after Tom has headed off to work so he doesn’t feel the need to oversee my progress. It is now only 6:00 am (what the heck am I up this early and blogging for?!), so the day is young and has promise!
In other news, just after I posted yesterday, the clinic director called from the job I am interested in, and asked me to return on Friday morning to meet (again!) with him, the woman who also interviewed me, AND the head guy, “just as a formality.” He asked if I was still interested, and I said that it was contingent on my terms being met and he said that we would discuss these more on Friday. He sounded casual and hopefully, this means that they have already acknoweledged my request and plan to accomodate. I guess that we’ll see on Friday - leaving me once again in a state of limbo and anxiety, although less so than before. I am also no longer quite as nervous as I had been, and have resigned myself more to the inevitable and am more at peace with it all. Although this may all change when faced with the realities involved once Friday’s meeting has possibly cinched the deal!
So, there you have it…a record early posting yet full of news and grit! Let’s hope I’m as productive and focused at work and self care today, as well!
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Weight: 224 lbs.
As almost expected this time, my weight has crept up slightly. In addition to eating too much and some wrong things in the last few days, I suspect that I am bloated as the big “P” is nearing. The only good thing about this is that it may explain my grumpiness of late…or at least I’d like to blame it on this.
Today I did start back up with my exercise routine, and I am sore from head to toe. I haven’t bumped my routine up yet, and have made a decision to go a little easy on myself until I am back in the swing and stop hurting so much.
It has been a huge relief to be off today, and has allowed me to catch up on laundry and other long overdue domestic tasks and other stuff that has been set aside due to all the “playing” we have been up to. Tonight we do have plans to return to the casino for our usual Monday double points day, and hopefully will win enough to finance our habits for the rest of this week. As I’m sure you all know, the pre-holiday time period can be more expensive, and it sure would be nice to pad our pockets with some extras for this time frame.
Last night, long lost friend Rose left a voice message asking if we could get together for our big reunion, some weekend in December. I consulted our calendar, and was shocked to see that nearly every day has something in it already, from Christmas parties to concerts to benefits. I actually left her a message back today, asking if we could hold off until January so we can enjoy catching up after 20 years, rather than have it feel like a hurried and squished procedure. This seems so rude, but I don’t want to schedule another “obligation” that will simply add to my stress and anxiety level at this time of year and as I still await the likely start of the new job. I tend to eat more and worse in response to chronic activity and too hectic of a pace, and I MUST leave time and space for all the everyday things like exercise, decorating, gift wrapping and the likes.
Ack - I can feel my stress level rising just writing this! Yours too now, I bet! Sorry!
Also, I hope to leave time for our everyday friends, for Christmas gatherings, catch-up and gift giving. I feel as if this is a new, bright year for me, and that I have arisen from the ashes of last holiday season, when I almost felt dead already due to the physical and emotional toll that my weight had taken. I really hope to do the things that I couldn’t in past years, including really enjoy the simple activities that others likely take for granted, including decorating and getting out for all that the season has to offer.
Well, I must get more done today before Tom returns from work and we fly out to Seneca for dinner and slots. I will try to chose more carefully from the buffet you know that we will eat, and be disciplined in every way. I’ll be sure to tell all in tomorrow’s post, so if I do fall off any of my many addiction wagons, you’ll be the first to know!
Echhh - wish me luck!
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Weight: 223.5 lbs.
I’m not gonna get any thinner eating like I have the last few days and foregoing my exercises as I have been lately. I definitely need to move MY butt, and figure on resuming a better routine come tomorrow when the insanity of our schedule dies down some.
Today we were out of the house at 7:30 am, and arrived at Seneca Alleghany casino in time for the 10:00 am free shopping spree that we couldn’t resist. We were given $750 (!!!) shopping “dollars” to use in the makeshift stores they had set up, and came away with $753 worth of products, including the latest and greatest Garmin Nuvi with features galore! We were thrilled about this, as we have been pricing these for a while, and eager to get another one as our Tom Tom is quite antiquated and doesn’t even have text to speech capacity.
Anyway, we still had nearly $250 more dollars to spend even after the Garmin, so also grabbed some great knick knacks, candles, candy platters for the many Thanksgiving and Xmas gatherings we will be at, and assorted other stuff. What fun!!
And, we only lost a little playing the machines afterwards (after not surprisingly deciding to play after all). Also, Tom’s nephew and his girlfriend and her 8 year old met us for lunch there, and then Tom followed them back to Jamestown to visit there for a while, while I stayed and played and lost our money all by myself.
Then, we flew out of there in the knick of time to make it nearly 2 hours back, to our Sunday night metal detecting meeting. Phew! And I had no choice but to eat a fig newton and drink a cup of regular coffee while there, as I was thirsty and starving and this was all they had. Bad!
And now I am still so hungry that I could gnaw my own arms off. I am munching on some nuts as I write this, because its been about 7 or 8 hours since I last ate real food, and I can’t go much longer without something. Especially after eating such a carby and “bad” buffet lunch. I had my usual shrimp (not bad) and some broiled chicken (ok!) and some bites of a ham steak (protein). But, then I had some chicken corn chowder (full of starch but mmm mmm good!) and a few bites of some pasta dish (delish!). Oh, and my favorite, tomatoes vinigette, plus some grilled veggies and cheese cubes and a salad. And I fit it all!
This reminds me that I also forgot to rat myself out from the other night (Friday) when we went out to dinner at a place called Jack’s Place, with 7 of my co-workers/friends. Strangely, I felt like slurping my dinner, so ordered their famous chicken cheddar chowder, and their chili. (Say this ten times fast!)
What an odd and fattening choice of foods, and I ate nearly every spoonful! And this was before going to see Neil Berg’s 101 Years of Broadway wth everyone, which required effort to stifle any emissions expected after such an indulgence!
Then last night, I did eat pizza with Tom, and although I left the crusts and an inch or so of the dough leading up to the crust, I did eat 3 pieces AND they had pepperoni and hot peppers on them. I have been very bad lately and can only chalk this up to the hurried, indulgent lifestyle we have been living. Thank god that tomorrow all we have is the usual Monday casino run through on our plate - and that the work week actually sounds like a welcome relief from our social calendar!
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Weight: 223.5 lbs.
Well, we headed off to the Makeover site at 9:00 am, and as instructed by the media, drove to the Marina and awaited a school bus to shuttle us along with about 8 million of our local friends, to the West Side.
We had anticipated possibly seeing the Powell family arrive in the early afternoon, and then making a bee- line out of there for a 2:00 Chinese Auction.
Are we stooopid, or what?! Once there, we were herded like cattle and were fortunate to land nearly smack across the street from the Makeover home, while those before and after us were similarily herded either beyond it or up to several blocks West of it. Although, as we discovered, it hardly mattered where we were, because unless you were Wilt Chamberlain or on stilts, or fortunate to have been in the front row, you could hardly see anything anyway.
Here’s a few shots of the crowds and “action.”
Although Buffalo is considered the city of good neighbors and the producer did come out with a loudspeaker and make a heartwarming speech about how we had the biggest and best turnout of anywhere and what not, what we experienced up close and personal was sadly not entirely like this. Smooshed as we were, stress, exhaustion and hunger brought out some tempers and rudeness amongst the throngs, and we had the misfortune of being in too close proximity with a verbally abusive mother who spent like 6 hours putting down and yelling at her 3 little ones for, well, being little ones. Now we could barely keep upright for the many hours of takes and retakes and waiting and trying to breathe amonst the smokers and the endless hours of claustrophia. To expect that small children could be 100% patient, who had little hope of seeing ANYTHING give their stature, and yet who had to suffer hours of boredom and stress with the likes of moody adults, should have been recognized as too tall an order by any healthy adult.
Sadly, these were our “neighbors” for hours. Also, although interesting and will forever change how I perceive the show hereafter, I must say that there is a lot of staging and acting that seems to go into the process. For instance, although left to fend for ourselves for hours on end with no word about much of anything, when we were needed to “scream” “move that bus”, even if only for rehearsal purposes, we were told when and how to. Repeatedly, we were even told things like the family was on its way, when in fact it was a “dummy” family instead - kind of like a test rehearsal for the real family who only arrived what seemed like hours later instead. As such, screams of “move that bus!” seemed to be yelled arbitrarily and repeatedly, rather than only when it was truly and finally time to do so, and limos came and went with no Powell’s in sight, as if to tease us all. Although admittedly, most of the time I wasn’t really sure WHAT was happening, except to say that the crowd would suddenly begin shouting something and everyone would start snapping pictures of who knew what, while shrimpy me was still trying to figure out who or what was happening and in which direction I should point the camera.
And then, even when I did, it was rather like dolphin or whale watching, where as soon as you finally point and shoot, the Ty dolphin or Michael whale has already resubmerged itself.
These pictures of mostly just mass crowds give a glimpse of this.
By the time (about 4:00!) it really was time to shout “move that bus!” and the Powell family had truly arrived, the crowd seemed to have swelled even more and the 2 square inches of viewing space that I may have had previously had vanished, and I hardly cared anymore anyway. Although “they” were good about distributing water bottles with decent frequency to the crowds, this was not true of food or lounge chairs, and I was so hungry and my hips and knees had frozen into place, and all I could think of was how awful it was likely going to be to try and beat my way through the crowds back to the like 2 busses that were going to be sent for the 50 million of us that had parked at the Marina. Not to mentioned that I had “lost” Tom hours earlier, along with the umbrella chair that we had brought for sitting emergencies. Actually, he and I both had one as I had bought a 2nd one at an estate sale yesterday in a moment of brilliant forethought. Unfortunately, what I hadn’t figured on was feeling even sorrier for even sorer people than myself, and the fact that between us we had lent both out and I for one, couldn’t bring myself to pull it out from under another’s bottom who was clearly suffering even more. Thank goodness I have lost weight, because some of those in clear misery were in fact now even heavier than me, and looked as if they may collapse any minute.
In fact, several people did, and quite frequently and all around us, we would hear cries of:”We need help here!” and even the paramedics would have to fight their way into the crowds to revive or resuscitate people who had succumbed to the exhaustion and heat (yes, heat, in Novemeber in Buffalo!) of it all. At one point I even considered “faking” it just to have an opportunity to be whisked away, as it became anxiety provokingly clear that once there, there was no escaping otherwise. So much for our auction (or eating or peeing for that matter!)
I’m sure you can see what I mean here:
By the time the deserving family arrived home, I was so ready to leave that I yelled into the crowd in the direction I had last seen Tom, that “I AM LEAVING, TOM!!! LET’S TRY TO GET TO THE BUS, QUICK!” I could only hope that he heard me, but clearly everyone else did, and snickered. I didn’t care if they laughed at me, as long as they too didn’t make a mad dash for OUR bus!
Long story short(er), there was a long line for the bus back, but it was lively and the busses came quickly. We met so many interesting people, including volunteers who told us stories about the insides of the house, the stars, the endless smorgasbord they were afforded, and their duties. I still regret that we hadn’t found some time to offer to the project, although admittedly for the “coolness” factor as much as for anything. And the food!
Speaking of which, we were both so exhausted and starving when we finally made it safely back to the car, that we decided to simply order pizza in the comfort of our own home. And, I must say, although I expect that the Powell’s were thrilled to pieces with their new place, I think that our appreciation for our humble abode probably trumped theirs when we were finally able to sit, eat and relax in the familiarity and peace of OUR comfy surroundings!
And, I don’t feel guilty one little bit this time, for the pizza I consumed!
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Weight: 223 lbs.
I am having way too much fun these days. It seems sinful somehow.
Today my good friend and co-worker Nancy was over bright and early, and while I am still off from work, we took advantage of this and the beautiful weather, and went to several estate and garage sales together. Poor Tom had to drive an extra shift today, so he was earning the big bucks that we were out busily spending!
We had quite a good time and between us, filled my little station wagon to the brim! She bought this great filing cabinet for only $15, and I got a super octagonal rug with pad, for the same. Not to mention gobs of other things, big and small. Tom’s gonna have a coronary when he comes home!
Tomorrow he and I won’t be able to go to our usual Saturday morning sales, as hopefully, we will be amongst thousands of other Buffalonians in welcoming home the Makeover Family and in shouting “move that bus!” in unison. Sadly, we will probably also have to skip a Chinese Auction that is in a nearby church and that I have looked forward to for some time, as this will probably conflict with the big reveal. But, this is a once in a lifetime event, and we (well, I) feel more compelled to be a part of history than to do the usual.
But, boy are there a lot of fun things out there to do these days. This will make my return to fuller time work that much more difficult! Here I had thought that the fall would slow us down….
Also, on Sunday, we are running up (down?) to Seneca Alleghany casino as they loaded our cards with an insane amount of “free” money to shop with at their special Xmas shopping spree, and we feel compelled to go. Then Monday is our typical local casino run through….
If you think I am complaining, don’t! I am very grateful for such opportunities, balance and FUN, and a great partner to do them with I am also thrilled that I now have the stamina and energy to do this much, and perhaps this even has alot to do with the childlike glee I get from running around so. I just don’t know how I will find time to work with so much else to do. Its like my boss Kevin said about his retired friends. They have told him that they don’t know how they ever had time for their jobs in the past.
OK - priorities, Donna!! I’d make a very good pampered rich woman, wouldn’t I?!
Speaking of, today has been the first day in a while that I haven’t worked out. For that matter, I didn’t eat until noon, when Nancy and I finally peeled ourselves away from saling to stop at a Greek diner. (I had the mixed chicken and beef souvlaki luncheon and ate all but the pita!)
I hate to say it out loud, but I am too busy having fun now to even work out! Should I slap myself first, or do you wanna do it for me?!
Perhaps I’ll go to it (exercise, not slapping myself!) when done writing and before we head out to dinner and a concert with 7 of my colleagues/friends later tonight.
Did I mention that all this fun is stressful and exhausting too? Maybe what I need IS a good job to give me a break from the pace of my leisure time, rather than the other way around!! LOL!
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Weight: 222.5 lbs.
I am writing this post late after a long, tiring but exciting day. I worked long and hard, and then headed out with Tom (on my insistence) to somewhere cool and special tonight. I didn’t have time for a proper dinner and am munching on some peanuts as I write this. All I’ve managed to have time to eat today is the sandwich (turkey) that I bought along with my coffee at 7:30 am when I was headed to work, and then a cheese stick and peanuts now.
But, that is ok, because what I did instead of dinner was fulfilling and heartwarming and worth skipping food for.
I am posting some pictures to see if you can guess where we went. For those of you who live in Buffalo, this may be a little easier to guess. Suffice to say, my fingers are still a little numb from the cold, but the atmosphere was so warming and lively, it was hard to be bothered by the temperature. The experience was so special, that we intend to return on Saturday, and if I say much more, it will be too REVEALING (hint, hint).
The first one to guess from my photo montage wins ! Here goes:
Alright, this next one will be a giveaway for most of you!
And, in case that one didn’t do it, here’s the last for today.
Pretty cool, huh?! The best part is that the house that the are redoing is on Massachusetts Avenue, which is the street where my Compeer friend, little Raymond (now grown and moved away!) used to live. When we’d pick him up from just down the street of this site, his great grandmother, who he lived with, would tell us sad stories of how bad the neighborhood is and how she feared to even let him play outdoors. It is now so exciting to see how the Makeover team is not just rehabbing this one home, but so many others up and down the whole block or two. They have even put in a beautiful community garden to counter the blight, and I’d show you the pictures I took of it, but the huge spotlights that allow them to work in the dark, also unfortunately interfere with good night time picture taking.
We do plan to return Saturday for the “Big Reveal” and I just can’t wait to shout: “Move that Bus!!” And maybe I’ll even get to meet cutie pie Ty or see Michael flash his famous smile! Check it out in Saturday’s post!!
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Weight: 223.5 lbs.
Today, although off from work (and perhaps BECAUSE of being off from work), my energy level is funky, I am grumpy, and I feel restless and agitated. I am making a mighty effort to get things accomplished, but am kind of spinning my wheels. I hate when this happens!
I did do my usual workout this morning, ate a hearty breakfast of leftover steak (from last night’s dinner out) and eggs, and hung some pictures we had hanging around.
Last night, Tom really wanted to eat out at the restaurant we had chosen when we figured on going with Janet, so we did end up going there alone. Texas Roadhouse had a special for $8.99 that included an 8 oz sirloin and 2 sides. I ordered a salad and some chili with it. Not exactly low fat, but certainly met my protein needs, I expect! I ate all the chili, bites of salad before I handed over the rest to Tom, and about 1/4 of the steak. Oh, and a few peanuts from the endless supply they have on the tables for the munchin’.
I didn’t lose, so again, I guess this was too much calories or fat or food period. In the comments section of this site there is a hearty dialogue going on regarding whether there is an inate difference between those who have had gastric bypass. I keep pondering about my ability, since day one post-op, to eat most anything, and a lot of it. My appetitie has never really been compromised by the surgery, and I seem to amaze others regularily (and myself at times) with my ability to EAT. This is in stark contrast to what seems to be the more typical gber, who can only eat bits before getting very full and/or throwing up. Only a few times have I experienced such a sensation, so believe that I may have some sense of what this may be like. And, at the time, it was believed to be due to gastric upset or an ulcer, and I was on Prilosec to address it.
I can’t help but wonder if my seemingly slow progress and weight fluctuations relate, and in general, if the bottom line is that I do eat more and hold more in, because I CAN. Since day one! This doesn’t seem to be about pouch stretching, will power or ignoring of my signals, to me. Now I realize that I may be shot by those of opposite experience, and hanged for implying that there is any less a conscious effort or struggle, or for what appears to be vindication of my responsibility in the matter. I do know that the surgery is only a tool and blah, blah, BUT, still am in awe of those who glide through the numbers, can only eat tiny amounts, and lose to skinny with what seems to be record speed and relative “ease”. A big appetite and ability to eat like a “normal” person has sure made this what seems to be more of an effort on my part. This I would expect in time - perhaps my 2nd year, but not in the first 6 months or since day one.
Well, please don’t shoot me for raising (again?) this subject - but it is a question that has stymied me through time and raises questions for me about biological or physiological factors that may differ amongst people who have had this surgery. Please tell me that I’m not the only one that has noticed vast differences or wondered such a thing. And please understand the difference between questioning and wondering, AND attempting to shirk responsibility for what is my role to play, for my choices and at times, bad ones, and for my recogniti0n that my stomach is only one small part of the bigger picture. I do get this and mean no disrespect or disregard….
See what happens when I have a day off?! Geez - I think I had better RUN, not walk, to the job that appears to be waiting for me! And unfortunately, I expect that you would agree!!
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November 20th, 2009 | 
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