Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 219.1 lbs. (First official day using new scale!)

I am unspeakably tired as I write this. It was a hard day at work and I raced to get everything done so I can find peace over the long weekend. This, combined with the fact that I was wired last night and didn’t go to bed until quite late for me plus got up today at 5:30, means that I am running on fumes.

This is making me think that I am hungry and I have had the munchies all day - when really I think that I am just all f***ed up biologically. If I had figured this out sooner, I probably wouldn’t have inhaled so many cashews at my desk today! And no doubt such calorie laden and carby excess is likely adding to my exhaustion….

I have managed to beat Tom home from work and think that I will at least attempt to greet him before passing out…and perhaps even make some dinner first as well. I haven’t given any thought yet to what this will consist of, but know that I have been content with simple things like soup and sandwiches lately. Tonight will mercifully be an “in” night.

Tomorrow we will be fed well by our friends Zoe and Dennis who take good care of us most every holiday. Dennis is the primary chef, and puts on an amazing spread. I have no real strategy planned for how and what I will eat, and hope that my smaller stomach will tell me how to handle things. I will shoot for the “good” stuff first, as always, and may take small bites and liberties if tempted at the time. I don’t expect to suffer too much angst over things as I can easily justify (excuse? deny?) a little hedonism and excess on such a special day.

I remain good at working out nearly every day, and also intend to keep this up through the holiday - perhaps more so, in fact. I have actually come to enjoy and look forward to my time alone with the equipment, and feel that I would miss this if I now left it out of my morning.

Afterwards, if the Psych. Center says she’s still ok, Tom and I plan to visit with Kris on our way to our friend’s house. I feel a mixture of anticipation and anxiety about this, as even at their best, visits with Kris can be painful and problematic, depending on her mental status.

In tomorrow’s post I will be sure to tell all about how we all fared on this visit, AND how much I (over)ate! Sometimes though, it takes things like visiting such a vulnerable and compromised soul to put things in perspective on a day that is about thanks, and to remind us that what we eat at any given moment pales in comparison to our greater purpose in, and tthe meaning of, life.