Necessary Mutilation

Weight: 220 lbs.

…or, 218.8 lbs. if you go by our “new” scale!  A few years ago we had gotten a Weight Watchers body fat scale that is expensive and measures more than just your weight. However, we couldn’t figure out things like how to program it for different users, and how to get an accurate body fat reading. I am not sure if these functions do now work or what, but Tom informed me yesterday that he has been using it simply as a scale, and it is in perfect alignment weight wise, with the professional one in our basement. He offered to bring it up fom me, and this morning I gave it a whirl and am thrilled to see that I might weigh even less than I think I do! It is also nice to have it measure to the tenth of a pound, and starting Wednesday, I will use this exclusively for my daily weights. The only reason I’m not starting today as it may skew my weight loss for this weight (albeit in my favor!), and it doesn’t seem fair to do this until just one day after my Tuesday weigh-in.

In other news, I finally did sleep long and hard last night, as I had been getting a little worried about my insomnia/hyperactivity/mania. In fact, I was hard pressed to get up this morning, and am still fantasizing about going back down for the count. This is unusual for me, as I have become quite an early morning person, and typically am a whirlwind in these wee hours. I think I am now groggy from too much sleep, or perhaps still tired from nights of too little.

In any case, yesterday was just the lovely day I had anticipated it would be, although “nothing” turned out to include everything from laundry to wrapping Christmas gifts! I am thrilled that these are mostly done already, and thank Tom for begrudgingly pitching in with his talents in this regard. I am a very impatient wrapper with little domestic ability, and were the girts left up to me, they would probably all be either in gift bags, or would be bumpy, clumpy, tapey messes wrapped in mismatched paper. Instead, there are nice looking packages for those we still exchange with - namely Pete, Barb (and Rick), Zoe (and Dennis) and some things for the secret santa at our metal detecting party etc. We also have some nice things for my Compeer friend Kris, but due to her fragile mental health status this year, we are unsure whether we will even be allowed to visit with her at the psychiatric center, where she now lives. This is very sad for us as for more than a decade, she and I and then she and Tom and I after we married, have celebrated the holidays together in special ways, and worked hard to ensure that she didn’t feel left out or alone at this time. Poor Kris has no family and if we are unable to connect with her this year, it is hard to imagine how she will interpret this or reconcile our absence, IF she is able to even recognize the holiday and is able to be aware of her surroundings or the circumstances. This is so sad and tragic of a reality for us, and it is hard to even imagine her suffering and alienation in this state of decompensation that she has spiraled into.

Sigh…. So, we didn’t know whether to even bother wrapping anything for her this year, and I will call the center (again) today, with admittedly heavy heart, to see if there is any “hope” or change in her status that might afford us the chance to even say “hi”.

Tom is now relatively newly matched with a male friend of his own, and we mustn’t forget to include him this season, and I have already made some suggestions to Tom for a good gift for “B”. This said, I believe that we are way ahead of the Christmas curve, and other than the big task of writing out a million cards, we can kick back and enjoy the season rather than fussing our way through it like the masses! This is how I like things!

Also today, I will make one final call to “Frank” to formally and regrettably decline the job, and will officially leave this chapter behind me for now. I feel relieved to be able to move forward with my current job while no longer wondering or worrying about my commitment to endeavors there, and to my personal life, including the Mondays off that I have come to covet!

I will also resume my work out regime, having stopped yesterday lest I bleed to death, and perhaps again today for additional time to recover. Tonight is the casino for our final night of double freebies this month, and rather than eat at the buffet, we are planning to use the “free” lounge in order to save our food points for our return on Friday when we go to simply enjoy the whole day. We may also try to sneak in a Black Friday sale or two, and are contemplating getting me a new computer as I now hog this one up on Tom all the time, AND it is very old and glitchy and cumbersome.

Yesterday, in dietary news, I didn’t prepare a great feast as I had hoped to while luxiouriating in free time, but did eat leftover souvlaki from the meal out with the girls the night before. Then, I forgot all about lunch (yes, the souvlaki was for breakfast!), and didn’t eat dinner until late. Tom and I both had soup out of a can - Chunky sirloin burger, to be precise. Not too bad on calories or even sodium, surprisingly, and quite filling and tasty. I then nibbled on some peanuts and an apple, for good measure. This wasn’t necessarily a balanced or protein rich diet day, but acceptable, I think. I also do believe that I have been eating less lately, although I am not sure why. My better weight loss may reflect this. I do still struggle to get in enough fluids, but at least am on top of the vitamin game, as my Celebrate vitamins recently arrived by mail, and I am now enjoying their grapey and berry goodness that ensures enough calcium and iron, at least.

Last night, Tom and I also watched some specials that I had DVR’d, including the Big Medicine Special where they revisit some patients who had been their largest ever, and some had lost massive amounts since their gastric bypasses. It was both sad and heartening…and seeing this helps me focus that much more on the fact that I have been graced with an amazing gift, and I must not waste it. I am also so grateful on repeated occassions to no longer have to diet in the strict sense, and have read and heard, including in the Dr. Oz weight loss special we also watched, things that remind me how demoralizing, tedious and difficult dieting can be. Lately, I am SO glad for having had the surgery and feel a new sense of appreciation and respect for its value. I’m not sure why this has come over me just in the last few weeks or so, but it is a good feeling of power, accomplishment and balance, and I am glad to have it!

With that, I am off to use my more nimble self to do my usual householdy things before Tom returns from his early run. It is gearing up to be a nice day out, so I also think I will run some errands….

And, just being able to talk like this, both because I still have Monday’s off, and because I have the stamina and ability to move like this now, is quite a thrill and I am content!!